Ladybugs Page #4

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You didn't come out here to help me.

You came out here

for something that you want.

Matthew, I need your help.

I know we don't have

much of a relationship,

but there's no one else

who can help me.

Look, I'll level with you.

You know the promotion I got at work?

I never got it.

Your mother thinks I got it.

I just can't tell her the truth.

Matthew, I'm coaching

a girl's soccer team,

sponsored by my company,

the Ladybugs.

Come on. You? I don't believe it.

It's the truth.

That's why I'm wearing this outfit.

If I can bring home a winning team,

I'll get that promotion.

Then your mother and I can get married.

Matthew, you can help me.

This is where they practice.

I want you to look at them.

Tell me what they're doing wrong.

Tell me what I'm doing wrong.

Well, let me think about it, Chester.

We're doing great already.

You called me Chester

and not Chesterfield.

- Chester!

- I got to go. They're waiting for me.

Matthew, look at them.

I'll be back in a few minutes.

Think it over, will you?

Try and control the ball!

Try and control the ball!

Forget the ball.

Try and stay on your feet!

Get out of the net. You're not a fish.

Pester! You're in a different time zone!

Wait, wait.

Oh, beautiful, beautiful!

Why me? Why me?

Look, Kimberly.

You're doing that wonderfully.

You can hit it a little harder.

I mean, kick it, kick it, kick.

Heads up. Heads up, heads up!

Could you throw the ball back, please?

Line up, line up.

Kimberly, move on back!

Thanks.

Julie.

Julie, could we do it again?

Go, go! Line them up! Line them up!

One, two, one, two.

Now I can chase the butterflies?

- Did you look at them?

- Yeah, I looked at them.

- Well, what do you think?

- What do I think?

I think I'd better come down

and watch some more.

Great. Look, from what you saw today,

can you give me some pointers?

Well, first of all, you have no strategy.

Your players need to learn

some basic skills.

Put your faster runners up front

and your offense will be more effective.

Now, if I were playing,

what I would do is play center midfield

so I could control the flow of the game,

and help out the inexperienced players.

That's what I would do if I was playing.

What? Why are you looking at me

like that?

Oh, no. No way. No way, Chester.

It'll never happen.

No, you're crazy, Chester,

it'll never happen!

It'll never happen! No!

All right, girls,

meet our new Ladybug, Martha.

- Hi, Martha.

- Hi, Martha.

Hey, you're a hit already.

All right, now, girls,

this is our first game out of town.

- Let's go out there and show them, huh?

- All right. Yeah!

Get out there.

- Hi, I'm Kimberly.

- Well, hi, I'm...

Martha.

- Martha.

- Hi.

Hi.

American coin.

Heads or tails, call it in the air.

Heads.

Heads it is. Kickoff or end of field?

- Kickoff.

- Are you the captain?

Just cool it and kick off, sweetheart.

Oh, God, give me a break.

I got to get the promotion.

I want to marry Bess. Let us win.

God, I promise I'll behave myself.

I'll lose weight.

I'll never cheat my taxes.

I'll never curse in traffic.

I'll never look at another woman

for too long.

God, I'm not a bad guy.

- Pass me the ball. I'm open.

- Out of the way.

Give Welfelt the ball!

Come on, I'm open.

Come on.

Pass to me, I'm open!

Hey, God, I take it all back.

I may not need you.

Defense! Oh, Jesus, fellas, you suck.

Oh, Jesus. Hey, Welfelt,

you sissy priss, wake up! Hello!

What are you doing in the

middle defense? Come on, guys.

Move your butt, Larimer!

What are you doing?

Come on, wake up!

Defense! Defense! Chu!

Oh, my God!

Well, he's playing like a psycho.

He's nuts.

Looks like Norman Bates

is playing soccer.

After the game, no showers.

And you call those girls a team?

They're a bunch of jerks.

We're going to have to make

a lot of changes before the next game.

You're right. And they're all about you.

You gave no one else a chance to play.

Look, I don't want you to win.

I want the team to win.

Matthew, you got to change

your style of playing.

If we're going to be a winning team,

there's got to be harmony.

All the girls got to like each other.

And right now,

the girls are not too fond of Martha.

- You got to change your behavior.

- Oh, and what did I do?

What did you do?

What did you do?

A girl doesn't give

the opposing team the finger

and tell their coach "up yours."

A girl doesn't refer to the referee

as a blind bastard.

A girl doesn't slap another girl

on the ass and say, "You're hot stuff."

And a girl doesn't say,

"I got to take a leak so bad

I can taste it."

Matthew, you have to start

acting like a young lady.

Then go find yourself a young lady.

I don't know how you talked me

into this anyway. It's all over, I quit.

Matthew, we had a deal.

Don't let me down.

It's only for a few months till

I get the promotion. You got to do it.

Don't tell me what to do.

You're not my father!

I told you it's all over, I quit!

The next time you jump out of a car,

make sure it's moving!

Hi, honey.

Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.

That's all right. I'm not hungry anyway.

What kind of kiss was that?

What am I, your sister?

I'm sorry. I got things on my mind.

Well, did you talk to Matthew yet?

I don't know if it's right for me

to talk to him.

Matthew won't listen to me.

I mean, I'm not the smartest guy

in the world. Maybe he's right.

These things take time.

I'm sure it'll be better

after we're married.

That's another thing, getting married.

You know, I...

The day you came to the office

with the wedding invitations,

the way I acted wasn't nice.

There was a reason for it.

- And the reason is...

- Chester, no. Honey, it was my fault.

With everything that's going on,

you have so much on your mind.

I shouldn't have bothered you

with wedding invitations.

Chester, I'm so happy. I love you.

It's just that I'm so excited.

Bess, you know, sometimes in life,

to get what you want, you know,

you do things you're not proud of.

Sometimes you get trapped,

you have to lie.

Chester, you're confusing me.

What are you trying to say?

It's not that confusing. What I want

to tell you is I didn't get the...

- Hey, I'm starving. Where's dinner?

- Matthew, honey, I'm sorry.

- It's almost done.

- All right, Chester, how you doing?

Hey, Mom, guess what?

I'm going to be joining

a new soccer team.

The coach is a really nice guy,

once you get to know him.

Everything's going to work out

just great.

Matthew, I told you before,

you got to act like a lady.

You have to be considerate,

loving, giving...

Taking.

And, Matthew, with boys,

as a young lady, you always say no.

Now, wait a minute now,

you don't always say no!

If the mood is right

and you having a few drinks,

and some handsome man

comes up to you,

you eyeing him, he's eyeing you,

the music is on,

you both want to do your thing,

you say no, you got to be crazy!

Julie, I didn't bring you here to tell

the kid when to make out, all right?

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