Ladybugs Page #7

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Don't worry about it.

Someday they'll grow up.

Martha, you make me feel

so much better.

- Thank you. You're my best friend.

- Okay. Okay, good.

You know,

it's getting kind of hot in here.

- How about some Cokes?

- I'll have a Coke. Yeah.

Okay, okay.

- I'll be right back.

- Okay, thanks.

Yeah, from now on don't get behind

an old lady with coupons.

Yeah, I feel very manly.

For a half hour I was with a group

of women feeling tomatoes.

Hi, Mom, Chester.

- Hi, honey. Having a good day?

- Hi.

Yeah.

I left my purse in the car.

Take a look at this.

What is she doing here?

She came over to see Martha.

She just dropped in.

You got to make sure

to keep my mother out of the kitchen.

We got one game to go. We'll blow it.

Get her out of the house!

Okay.

What is this, a drag race?

- No Cokes?

- The Cokes, the Cokes!

The Cokes, right. The Cokes.

- I'll be right back, okay?

- Okay.

All right.

Chester!

Chester, the Cokes. Give me the Cokes.

You read my mind. Thanks.

Well, that's it. I'm just gonna have to get

a bigger refrigerator.

Honey, is there another Coke in there?

Take a look, will you?

Why is this door closed?

What? What?

- I love you!

- Chester!

I'm sorry, we're out of Cokes.

Why don't we go and get some, okay?

- This is it. Now!

- Stop it. Matthew's home!

Matthew's a big boy.

He knows what goes on.

He's a big boy. Forget about it, will you?

You're right. He's a small boy.

He don't know nothing!

Know what I mean? I need a drink now.

My mom's gonna be coming home soon,

- so I have things to do.

- Yeah.

And you know, dishes to wash,

my room to be cleaned.

So, why don't you come back

some other time?

- Okay, I'd really like to.

- Okay.

Do you want to go

to a movie sometime?

- Sure. That's great.

- Okay.

- That's perfect. All right, call me.

- Okay.

- Thanks, Martha. Bye.

- All right, you got it.

- Matthew?

- Mom!

- Martha!

- Chester?

Bess!

What's going on here?

Matthew, why are you dressed like that?

What the hell's going on?

I'd like to know.

Bess, take it easy, will you? It's nothing.

When I was a kid I did the same thing.

I used to dress up like a girl, too.

You know how kids are,

they're always doing crazy things.

You know, girls want to be boys.

Boys want to be girls.

Some of them are.

Mom, Chester didn't mean any harm.

He just wanted me to help him

on the soccer team.

- So he could get a winning team.

- Matthew, go to your room.

- But, Mom...

- Go to your room!

So, that's the new team

that he was playing on.

You know, it's one thing to lie to me,

but to corrupt my son.

That day in the car

when you got that call from Martha,

that was Matthew who called you.

How could you

keep lying to me like this?

Bess, I just wanted to have a winning

team so we could get married.

- I never looked at it that way.

- Yeah, well, I look at it that way.

You are a great salesman, Chester,

but I'm finished buying your bullshit!

Now, get out of here!

Bess, I didn't mean any harm.

I did it for us. I love you!

Just get out.

Idiot. Moron! Jerk-off!

Hey, buddy, what's your problem?

I don't have to take your bullshit.

I wasn't talking to you,

I was talking to myself.

I got a problem, my girl threw me out.

That's why I'm drinking.

I'm sorry.

You know, I didn't mean any harm.

Look, buddy,

I've heard that story a thousand times.

I know what you're going through.

Listen, you just have to say to yourself,

"To hell with it."

Let her keep the furniture.

- Give me another one.

- Kid, you've had enough.

You're gonna spoil your dinner.

Why don't you go on home?

No, I don't want to go home.

Come on. Come on,

give me another one.

Kid, the way you're drinking,

you must have a girl problem.

Yeah.

- Tell me about it. Maybe I can help.

- How could you help me?

With girls, I've been through it all.

I've been stood up, shook up,

hung up, screwed up, and tied up.

What's your problem?

Did y'all have a fight?

No, no, no.

No, we never fight. We get along great.

We laugh together,

we like the same music,

the same sports.

No, we get along just great.

Then what's the problem?

She don't know I'm a boy.

Kid, with this girl,

I don't know what you're doing

but you must be doing it wrong.

Look, buddy.

You ought to get out there

and start dating again.

You go out there, what do you meet?

You meet girls looking for husbands

and husbands looking for girls.

Well, you know what they say,

there's plenty of fish in the sea

if you got the right bait.

Yeah. The trouble is,

my hook ain't what it used to be.

What happened, anyway?

I don't want to go into it.

It's a long story. I don't...

Hey, come on.

Get it off your chest.

It'll make you feel better.

Remember, there ain't nothing

you can tell me

that I ain't heard before.

So, come on, what happened?

Well, what happened was,

I took her son,

and I dressed him up like a girl

and I talked him into playing with me.

Stay out, you sicko!

We don't want your kind in there!

Boy! What a happy hour.

Well, at least I beat the check.

Chester, anything new with Bess?

I've been calling her all week.

She won't talk to me.

It's over.

I wish there was something I could do.

Chester, I just want you to know

that when you're hurting, I'm hurting.

All right.

So, how's Matthew?

I don't know.

I haven't spoken to him, either.

I guess he hates me, too.

Now I got to go tell the girls

there's no more Martha.

No more Martha's only half our trouble.

Come with me.

I want you to see what we up against.

Pick him up, pick him up, pick him up!

Move it, move it, move it, move it!

Come on!

Only two kinds of people

on the soccer field,

the quick and the dead!

That's quick. Yes!

Yes! That's fast.

They ought to tell that guy

the war's over.

Let's go, let's go! Let's kill! That's it!

That's it! Kill! All right.

I'd better go get our troops together.

I will not have cowards on my team!

Go quick!

Gather around!

Make it bleed! Yes!

Hit the bag! Hit the bag!

Get the ball back!

Yeah!

Come on, let's see some action now!

You're gonna have to do

without Kimberly today, Chester.

When I told her I didn't want her to play

in today's game,

I just wanted her to sit in the stands

and root for the team,

she got upset and went home.

How could you do that?

She was trying so hard.

We want to win, don't we?

She'll get over it.

Well, we're gonna have to do

without Martha, too. She's a no-show.

There's no time for jokes, Chester.

Tell me you're kidding.

I wish I was, but that's it, no Martha.

I don't care where she is.

You get that girl down here.

The team needs her.

And, Chester, you need her, too.

Company, ho!

Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

We hope to have

an exciting afternoon here for you today

at the Rocky Mountain

Soccer League Championship game.

Playing today is

the Ladybugs versus the Flames.

- How's it going?

- Hey, Matthew.

I didn't expect to see you here.

How are you?

- I'm hanging in there.

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