Lagaan: Once Upon a Time in India Page #5

And this is Gauri.

We'll meet again.

You should say,

I'm glad to meet you.

Oh, gosh.

I'm sorry.

I'm glad to meet you.

We're glad to meet you too.

So, Bhuvan,

what do you know about the game?

What?

Memsahib is asking you

what you know about the game.

Oh, lots!

There are six sticks.

Three this side and three that side.

Two fellows stand with planks

before the sticks.

One comes running near

the sticks and throws a ball.

The chap with the plank hits

the ball hard with his plank...

...and then everyone runs

helter-skelter.

One of them grabs the ball

and gives it to the first guy.

He runs again to throw the ball

at the guy who twirls the plank.

That's all. It goes on all day.

Throw the ball, twirl the plank.

Throw and twirl! Right?

Memsahib, I can't translate all that.

No need, Ram Singh.

I understood most of that.

He knows nothing.

This is what a cricket field looks like.

Suppose this is the playing field.

And this is what a cricket pitch is.

This is the strip on which

the game is played.

There are three main aspects

to cricket:

Batting, bowling and fielding.

The game has three parts.

Wielding the bat, bowling

the ball and guarding the field.

My God! Even our great uncles

can't pronounce these things!

What did he say?

He said this language even

his ancestors won't understand.

All right, we better make it simpler.

Cricket is played by two teams,

say, yours and the English.

Each team has eleven players.

Five batters, five bowlers...

Yes...

What happened?

What happened?

Nothing.

Memsahib, I think we should leave.

It's getting late.

This is enough for today.

Let's begin with the Lord's

name on our lips.

Let's begin with the Lord's

name on our lips.

Catch it.

Look. Try pouncing on the ball

and catch. Don't let it fall.

Bhuvan, the White lady said

there must be eleven in a team.

We are only five.

Why only five? I'm here too.

Whatever that White lady can do,

so can I.

All right, Gauri.

We're six, not five.

Isar Kaka, as you thought of

our village and joined us...

The others will also come

and join.

Or we will drag them in.

Hey, Goli!

Catch the ball.

Who threw this ball?

- Goli Chacha did.

Goli, you jackass!

I won't leave you today.

There it starts again!

I'll crack you open like an egg!

Will you stop your

infernal squabbling!

Isar Kaka, don't you interfere.

- Stop it, you fools!

Gauri, our sixth player.

Hey, Bhura.

Oh, wow!

You saw how a ball is to

be caught, Isar Kaka?

That was something to see!

Like a bird diving for fish.

Oh, that's how it's done, is it?

Of course! Here, Bhura, do it again.

Show them all,

'specially this Goli here.

He's hopeless.

Just doesn't know how to catch.

All of you come here and

watch carefully.

Get ready, Bhura.

Watch carefully.

Saw that?

Brilliant, Bhura!

- That was something!

But where did you learn it?

I'll tell you.

The ball comes straight.

But hens! They run zigzag.

To catch hens,

you've got to be quick and agile...

...like Bhura.

Bhura will teach us all now,

won't you, Bhura?

I'll teach you... but...

But what?

What about my hens?

Bhura, these hens of yours

are a real pain!

Hearing of the wager and

cancellation of Lagaan...

...all the senior officers were

greatly concerned.

Colonel Boyer, Major Warren

and Major Cotton summoned...

...Captain Russell to express

their anger at his audacity.

At ease, Captain.

You know Major Cotton.

That is Major Warren.

Take a seat.

Now, what is this we hear?

That you have agreed to cancel the tax

of the farmers in Champaner...

...if they beat you

in a game of cricket?

Is this true?

Yes, Colonel Boyer, sir, it is.

What on earth do you think

you're here for? To play games?

Let me remind you...

...that you are working here

for Her Majesty, the queen.

Your job is to ensure

the smooth running of your province.

Pardon me, sir,

but that's exactly what I'm doing.

I think we'll be

the judge of that, Russell.

We also understand that if you lose

this so-called match...

...you will cancel their taxes

for the next three years.

Not just Champaner

but the entire province.

But they won't win.

You're missing the whole bloody point.

Do you realize we could have

on our hands a bloody situation...

...of cricket matches all over the damn

subcontinent to cancel the bloody tax!

But there's one thing you don't know.

If they lose...

...which they will, they will have

to pay the queen three times the tax.

This is ridiculous! This officer

wants to make the government...

...into some kind of bookie

with whom he can place his wagers.

What would you have us do next?

Race horses?

This is the most preposterous idea

I've ever heard of.

Captain Russell, the British Empire

cannot function according to...

...the whims and fancies

of officers like you.

Now jolly well understand this.

If you win,

you will have had a narrow escape...

...but if you lose, you will pay

the taxes for Champaner...

...and the entire province

out of your own pocket.

And then you'll be packed off

to Central Africa.

Is that clear?

Yes, sir.

That'll be all.

You may go.

It was against British pride

to withdraw from this wager.

And so, Captain Russell

was warned...

If he won the game,

he'd have a narrow escape.

But if he lost,

he'd have to pay the triple tax...

...of the entire province

from his own pocket.

Moreover...

He'd be transferred to

the Central African desert.

Is that the way a soldier behaves?

You're supposed to salute

when a superior officer passes.

I did, sir.

- I didn't see it.

That's better.

I imagine your meeting

did not quite go as expected, sir.

Damn right.

The senile old hats want

to teach me how to run the show.

They've lost their sense of adventure

with age.

What's wrong with a little fun

along with the Lagaan?

Is the match cancelled, sir?

- No, of course not.

Hey! How dare you hurt my horse!

I'm going to destroy

you people now!

I'll take so much Lagaan

you won't have a rag to your backs!

You bloody slaves will remain

crushed under our boots!

However thick the sole, it wears out.

Then nails will begin to prick, Sahib!

Ram Singh!

Yes, sir.

Get him out of here

before I kill him.

Arjan. What happened?

Bhuvan, I've been blind and stupid.

I am with you now.

Tell me in what way I can be of help.

Very good! We're coming

together to form a fist.

No, Arjan! Not like that.

Lakha, Goli was telling the truth.

About what?

- The White lady.

So?

We did wrong, Lakha. But it's

still in our hands to put it right.

We must support Bhuvan.

What did you say?

Have you gone crazy!

Try to understand.

Look!

An English girl is helping us

to save our bodies and souls.

And we sit sulking!

Shame on us!

By Allah's command,

we must be with him.

Come with me. Come on.

Have you gone senile, Ismayeel?

Then get yourself a crutch

and a shroud too!

This Bhuvan of yours will

never succeed.

Ismayeel... he'll never

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