Land Of The Lost

Mission control come in.

Mission control, do you read?

Mayday...

Mayday!

I'm re-entering Earth's orbit,

I seem to have fallen into...

I don't know, some kind

of tear in time and space.

My coordinates are unknown.

And is either...

Seems entrance indicate it

should be White Sands, New Mexico.

Obvious error.

Is anyone receiving this?

Recovery team!

Recovery team, fix coordinates now!

Where the hell am I?

Somebody respond!

Recovery team come back, god damn it.

Oh god, oh god.

Anyone re

-!

This is TODAY with Matt Lauer.

We're back now with Dr. Rick Marshall

whose new book arrives in stores tomorrow.

It was back in Oslo, Doctor, last month

that you just startled your colleagues,

with this theory of yours that takes

science in a completely new direction.

Quantum Paleontology.

Quantum Paleontology, that's correct.

What exactly is that?

Well it's a...not to say very

modestly...it's our very future Matt.

It's the only real solution to solving

this fossil fuel crisis we're experiencing

and it boils down to two simple words.

Renewable bio-fuels?

Close.

Time Warps.

Time Warps? You're serious about this?

I'm deadly serious.

Five years, over fifty million

dollars on my research...

You spent fifty million dollars of

your own money, studying Time Warps?

No, that's adorable.

No, tax payers' money. I don't

have fifty million dollars.

And now you're asking for more?

It's all explained, in my book.

I know we plugged the book.

My Other Car is a Time Machine.

Bantum books, Amazon...

We're living in a time right

now, with huge cuts in spend-

I saw, huge cuts in spending. -Right

We're in dire economic straights,

and you're spending fifty million

dollars on studying Time Warps?

How do you not think

that's irresponsible?

Are you smoking?

No I'm making a balloon animal here.

You can't smoke in the studio.

No one told me that.

Listen, you can't.

Fine.

There are huge huge amounts of trans

- dimensional energy out there

just waiting for us to throw the

switch, energy crisis averted.

You are asking people to stake the entire

future of industrialized civilization,

on what you call Parallel Dimensions?

What about the critics who have

a fair question doctor, they say...

This theory of yours is not

science, it is non-science,

and some even more

bluntly say it's nonsense.

How do you respond to that?

My critics?

Your critics, there are a lot of them.

Could you be more specific?

Steven Hawking.

Steven Hawking says this is

nonsense, that's his word.

You know what this interview's over.

Why?

Your producer said you

wouldn't bring that up.

It's a fair question.

No it's not, it's a hatchet job!

That was my guest Dr. Rick Marshall

his book arrives in stores tomorrow,

you might want to look for it in the

I'm out of my freakin' mind department.

When we come back, trampolines.

Summer fun or silent killer?

Ladies and gentlemen.

Esteemed colleagues.

I'll conclude with this.

Our very future depends on one thing.

Tachyons.

Sub-atomic particles that move so incredibly

fast they actually travel backwards in time.

Ask yourself, what if there was a

device that could harness these tachyons.

We could open and travel

through warps in time and space.

What's that?

Not in our lifetime?

My friends, I've designed such a device.

I give to you the Tachyon Amplifier.

Genius in a box.

Only with this device, you don't

travel forwards or backwards.

You travel sideways in time.

To another dimension where past,

present, and future all meet.

And, lights.

Alright...

Any questions?

Oh, great. Yes, you

right there young man.

Yeah, if you shot a ton of pot at the sun,

would it burn up and get everybody high?

No, no...

Are there any real questions

that pertain to science?

Do you take Cialis?

Why were you crying in the

bathroom before this presentation?

How come it looks like

you're about to cry now?

Do Dinosaurs have b*obs?

That's it. That's it,

everybody out of here.

Get out of here.

Go play in the parking lot. Go run

around on the Freeway, I don't care.

I have a question.

Did you ever try to make

the Tachyon Amplifier?

Who're you?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm Holly Cantrell, I studied

all your work at Cambridge.

I think you're brilliant.

Well, Holly from Cambridge

who thinks I'm brilliant.

I started, but I didn't finish so no.

No but you have to build

it, it's the most incredible-

What are you eating?

It's a dough nut stuffed with M&M's.

That way when you finish the dough

nut, you don't have to eat any M&M's.

But don't you see you are

absolutely right, everything-

Stop.

Chasing that theory got me laughed out

of main stream science and landed me here.

But you know what, I don't

got anyone to blame but myself.

Because as they say...

If you don't make it,

it's your own damn "vault."

That's a b*tch slap

of truth right there.

If your theories are such rubbish.

Then explain this.

That fossil is over 265 million years

old with an imprint of a $10 lighter.

Go on and explain that.

I found that out in the desert along with crystals

like this that radiate pure tachyon energy.

Go on.

Explain that.

Captain Kirk's nipples...!

The tar pits will be opened in 5 minutes,

Dr. Marshall please return the page.

Dr. Marshall?

Oh god.

Are you alright?

Hey!

Up you go.

Dear...

I'm fine.

I'm okay.

I just worked late.

Then I got hungry.

Ate several meals and

lapsed into a food coma.

I've had issues with food in the past.

I don't know, you know just with the

stress of everything I just overdid it.

But I'm in control.

Now I don't have to go back to Phoenix.

I just wanted to come by,

and apologize for yesterday,

my behavior was just...

No, no, no...

You finished the Tachyon Amplifier!

No, no...I mean yes.

I-I don't know...

I finished building it yes, but...

I didn't have the nerve to test it out.

So I thought a trip to Arby's

might give me some courage, no dice.

But I hit Popeyes, Del Taco...

Fourteen thousand calories later.

I found myself down at Subway.

Powering through a 12

inch veggie on whole wheat.

Battling to come out a "Jared."

Still didn't give me the

strength to turn that thing on.

I'm a coward.

You are not a coward,

you're a visionary.

This is probably the greatest work

of genius in the last hundred years.

Is that a chorus line?

It's left over data from the drive.

What a piece of crap!

The machine I mean

Not a chorus line.

I love show tunes, they really tell

the story of the human condition.

It's a bit gay.

It is great.

Right.

Dr. Marshall you're going to

stop selling yourself short,

you're on the verge of a

major discovery, now get up!

Whoa, where are we going?

We're going to test this

little device, in the field.

Are you crazy? I'm not

prepared for a field test!

No, I'm not going to make a big deal

out of it just a routine expedition.

A routine expedition?

Purely routine.

Here, here it is. This is

where I found the fossil.

The Devil's Canyon mystery cave.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes