Lano & Woodley: The Island Page #2

Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Simon Francis
 
IMDB:
8.8
Year:
2005
60 min
194 Views


at the new guy?

Seven Foxtrot.

They found another survivor.

They keep finding them.

He'll probably win the lottery.

Straight down, in the hole.

There you go, you try it.

Straight down in the hole.

In the hole.

No, no, no. Put it down.

Did we all look that stupid

when we went through decontamination?

Hey, Mr. Man-With-All-The-Questions,

let me ask you this:

Lottery's supposed

to be random, right?

Right.

What if it's not?

What if it's rigged?

Rigged?

I've been working on this. Here.

Take a look at that.

It charts the last 20 people

that won a spot on the Island.

Excluding, of course, the women,

picked to be breeders.

- What is this?

- I took the first letter in each name.

I assigned it a point value system,

based on the alphabet,

like the last guy,

Starkweather, S equals 15.

Q equals 15, S equals 19.

- Do you see what I'm saying?

- No.

Well, maybe if you would listen to me,

I'm trying to tell you.

You string the numbers together.

You divide it by the amount...

You multiply... You divide it by

the amount of... You divide it...

You divide it by the amount of people,

which is 25, a thousand plus five, 2500.

You know what that spells?

J-O-N-E-S.

- I'm winning the lottery tonight.

- Did you pack?

- No.

- Gentlemen,

I'm gonna go mess with Foxtrot.

There you go. Straight.

Straight down in the hole.

- There you go.

- Straight...

- What? He had something on his... OK.

- Go.

Lima! Are you OK?

What's wrong?

Code 15, we need med-techs stat!

Lima One Alpha.

Let's give her some air, OK?

You're gonna be OK, all right?

Relax and breathe.

Can I get a wheelchair?

It's for Lima One Alpha.

- You OK?

- I think it's time.

Lima, you're going to the Island.

- We're going.

- Oh, you're so lucky.

I hope I see you soon.

Everyone, please follow her out.

Quickly and carefully. Watch the glass.

- Good luck, Lima.

- Thank you.

That's fair. That's real fair.

Ladies, ladies, push back, please.

Gentlemen. Thank you.

Everyone, back to work.

That is so not fair.

Oh, man, I hate this jealousy thing.

It's giving me heart palpitations.

Tech Services.

Computer's down again.

I'm down.

Computer guy's in Sector Six.

I have to deal with this mess.

Take my Tri-Key. Contamination kit.

- Hurry back.

- Absolutely.

- Hey! What are you doing?

- I'm gonna see this guy.

Hey, chief. We got live wires

all over the place here.

Hey, I've been looking all over for you.

- What?

- I've been looking...

- Can't hear you.

- I've been looking all over for you.

If you go and get yourself contaminated,

don't come pointing the finger at me.

How you doing, Mac?

- What are you doing here?

- My chip fried again.

Yeah. How much longer

do you think that one's gonna work?

- What are you two clowns looking at?

- Hey,

you got any of that stuff

on you today?

Oh, look, it's break time.

Come on.

You're a bad influence on me.

Must be why I like you so much.

What's it like where you live?

In Sector Five?

It's fine. You know,

it's like any other sector, I guess.

I like coming out here, talking.

Most supervisors don't like to talk.

Yeah.

Step into my office.

- Are these your friends?

- Yeah, sometimes.

Where are their clothes?

What's with Dr. Merrick?

You mean why does he act like he's

got a filing cabinet shoved up his ass?

Yeah.

It's called a God complex.

All doctors are like that.

They think they know everything.

What's God?

Well, you know when you

want something really bad

and you close your eyes

and you wish for it?

- God's the guy that ignores you.

- Oh. Right.

Tech Service requested

in Product Extraction.

Yeah, I'll be right there.

Oh, hey. Let me get that.

Where do you get that stuff, anyway?

It's an old stash.

You know, from before.

You mean from

before the contamination?

Yeah. Come on, you're killing me

with questions here.

You got a sweet deal here, you know?

Because you're,

you know, like, special.

Why? Why am I special?

There's another question.

You remember what we talked about?

You don't tell anybody

about our conversations?

- 'Cause that can get me in big trouble.

- No, I don't.

Good.

How's it going?

Hey, how are you?

How's your world?

OK, I'll catch you later.

Chinese junk locked up again, huh?

Yep.

What a surprise.

Go hot.

- You better fix that thing.

- Yeah.

You'd think with the money

this place rakes in

- they could afford decent equipment.

- Yeah.

Ready?

Cut the O2.

Seriously, unless you want to see me

blow chunks, can you wait till I'm gone?

- Sever the umbilical.

- Cutting.

Breathe.

Come on, yeah. That's it.

Come on, breathe. Breathe.

Come on.

Come on, come on!

Breathe, breathe!

There we go.

Now we're working.

He's healthy.

Welcome to the world.

So, how's Three Helo?

Good.

He's feisty. Light.

Vitals seem fine.

- Smooth extraction?

- Yep.

Looks like we have a fine product.

Tag him and ship him to Foundation.

Little bug.

Maybe next time I won't embarrass you

in front of your friends.

It was very sad.

- Hey.

- Hello.

Hi.

So you just let

a little girl beat you, huh?

Stim units restricted.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll have the veggie stuff.

Papassian petal juice, please.

It's good for the skin.

Jordan, are you sick?

When I was in Dr. Merrick's office,

I thought I saw your name on a file.

No, I'm fine.

OK.

How are you?

I'm fine.

Lincoln, I can tell when you're lying

'cause your mouth smiles

but your eyes don't.

I found something.

- What?

- A bug.

- A bug?

- A flying bug.

Can I see it?

I think it came

in the ventilation shaft.

I thought they went extinct

with the contamination.

I know. And how did it get by

the pathogen sensors?

- It must be too small.

- No, it's not too small.

How did it survive out there, anyway?

How does anyone survive?

They keep finding people,

but where do they come from?

It's good that they find survivors.

Why do you always question the good?

You only think about the bad.

I just have a feeling

that something is wrong.

Good things do happen.

I want to see that bug.

Hey. Gandu learned a new word

from the censor.

- What?

- "Dude."

"Dude"?

- What does it mean?

- He just called me dude.

- Hey, dude.

- He said "Hey, dude"?

- D-O-O-D. "Dude."

- Hey, dude.

- Dude.

- Dude.

- Lottery's gonna start.

- Like you stand a chance.

Dude.

Light up all etherscreens.

And... start the lottery.

Good evening.

Live from Ether-Con,

welcome to the lottery spin.

It's been a busy week.

We've had a record two winners so far.

Tonight's winner will be selected

at random for relocation

to the Island, transported

to the world's last paradise.

- And start the spin.

- And now, let the spin begin.

Jordan Two Delta, step up.

Your time has come.

You're moving out to the Island.

For everyone else, never lose hope.

Thank you. Thank you.

I can't believe it.

I have to go in the morning.

You were right.

Good things do happen.

I wish I'd known you better.

You two.

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Colin Lane

Colin Stuart Lane (born 25 March 1965) is an Australian comedian, actor and TV host living in Melbourne, best known for being one-half of comedy duo Lano and Woodley. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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