Larry Crowne Page #2

And you'll like the teacher.

You ready to go to work? How about this?

- Speech 217, Econ 1...

- You bet.

- ...Composition 1. You learn how to talk.

- Right.

You learn how to do business, and you

learn how to write about it.

Three classes, but you're gonna

have to get in there, work.

I'm telling you,

every cop has to stop me, man.

Well, maybe

it's the leather jacket.

- No, it's not.

- Talia gave me this jacket, man.

She said I'd look like a brown James Dean.

Who's James Dean?

Hey! What's cooking there, Joe College?

Can you get this hunk of junk working?

I don't sell junk.

Let me get my good tools.

Larry Crowne. You've got a lot of

money in those albums of yours.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

They'll sell on the eBay.

I can show you how.

You know this machine is a classic, right?

Yeah, okay. But does it work?

It will for $800.

Oh, Lamar, I'm thinking like 200.

Okay. 700.

- 200.

- 650.

- Gonna be a long day with those two.

- Mmm-hmm.

- 630.

- 200.

Lamar, I have no money.

I'm out of a job. $200.

You're my neighbour.

625, and I'll throw in the oil change.

I have an idea.

Okay. This is a simple machine.

All right, this is your gas, your brake.

I want you to put your foot on

that pedal down there.

This is your starter button. Push that.

Nice. You gonna need a special license.

- How fast does it go?

- Oh, pretty...

No, the brake, the brake!

Larry!

Sorry! Sorry!

It's got power!

Please enter your...

What sin did you commit to have a class

at 8:
00 a.m.?

Earning a master's in comparative

political discourse

in the plays of Shakespeare and Shaw. You?

Well, I just started race-walking

at the track. It was fun.

I hope I am never like that.

When was the last time you looked at

your life and saw nothing but fraud?

How long have you been teaching?

I used to remember.

You're right on time.

I wonder if I make a dollop of difference

to anyone sitting in my classroom.

We used to, until Facebook and Twitter killed

whatever attention span they had left.

Well, it's 7:
52.

Come on, we gotta get going.

Off I go. On my way.

Time for class.

That's a damn fine Zipper, mister.

It did get me here for a

nickel's worth of gas.

Didn't see you in the

scooter pit last term.

Oh, this is my first day of college, ever.

I love that.

You an ex-cop?

No. Why would you think that?

Tucking in a polo shirt makes you

look like one.

And the glasses don't help.

Well, no, I'm just a student.

You don't happen to know where the Speech

and Communications Building is, do you?

Didn't know there was one.

This is it?

One, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight, nine.

One, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight, nine.

My day has just been made.

Excuse me?

This class is canceled.

The state charter requires a minimum of

10 students per class

or else it costs more for us to be

here than not, so.

I mean, did you really want a class

at 8:
00 a.m.? I didn't.

No. Okay, thanks, anyway.

Is this Speech 217?

See if you can find yourself a seat.

My name is Miss Tainot,

T-A-I-N-O-T, Tainot.

Not "Tie-knot". Tay-no.

This is what you are going to learn

to do in my class.

If you do not care about this class,

then neither do I.

If you do not participate and show

up with enough sleep

to make it through the 55 minutes,

three dawns a week, that I have to be here

then you do not care about Speech 217,

the Art of Informal Remarks.

So, get out.

Get out, now! Go, right now! Go!

It was worth a try. Well, when next we

meet, this is what we're gonna do.

Each of you is going to address the class

for the first time.

You will tell us how to do something

that you already know how to do.

Miss Tie-knot?

Uh, Tay-knot?

Tae-Bo?

Really?

Who are you?

Steve Dibiasi. D-I-B-I-A-S-I.

Only two days before I gotta get up and

give my speech?

You may be dreaming.

Why are you here, Steve?

Dean of Student Services said

your class would change my life.

I gotta take this.

Yo. Dude, I left it right there.

In the cigar box, under the coffee

table, where it always is.

I didn't check there.

Repeat after me.

Repeat.

Steve cannot take calls right now.

Steve can't take calls right now.

He's learning to care.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye.

Hi. We have Speech 217 together.

Can you believe

we have to get up and give a speech

in our very next class?

Yeah. She scares me.

- Oh, my God. Fancy this bit of destiny.

- Hello!

I've been thinking about you

and I don't even know your name.

Larry. Larry Crowne. Hi.

This is, uh...

- Lala.

- Lala.

Larry and Lala. I don't think so.

I used to be Kathryn, until I looked in

the mirror and saw a girl named Talia.

My real name is Celestina.

Celestina? How gorgeous.

You.

Lance. Lance Corona.

- Wanna join my gang?

- You're in a gang?

I hang with like-minded

scooter enthusiasts.

Ugh!

I'll give you a text, and you can do

some free-wheeling.

You have entered Economics 1,

Econ Prime.

Trying to make sense of the complicated

structure of economic law and theory?

It's confusing

until you read this course pack

written by Ed Matsutani, Ph.D.

That's me.

Read this and follow me to economic

enlightenment and power.

That usually scares people.

Yet none of you have fled.

A good economic indicator.

Let us begin.

Only four of you.

This class is canceled.

Let's see. Oh.

Oh, hello.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I likey, I likey.

Hey! Who's home early, huh?

Ophelia, out of the pond.

First day of term calls for a celebration.

You'd think so.

Um...

You know what? I built a flamethrower

of a posting for WarriorWeb,

which, if I do say so myself,

would feed nicely as an outline for

Second Angel.

Good for you.

Yeah, then I crushed 1,000 calories

at 24-Hour Fitness.

You know no one's there after 9:00 a.m.?

Go figure.

After a smooth nap and a double espresso,

man, I hit three hours of Blog and Talk

for CyberShare. Whoa.

You don't believe me.

Why wouldn't I believe you?

I'm writing, Mercy. Look, this is what

I do, all day. That's what I do.

Mmm.

You're looking at porn.

What?

Oh!

Fine!

So, yeah, Thought Police, take me away.

I saw some erotica. I'm a man, I admit it.

Took you a while.

Yeah, and it's not... it's barely porn.

And I'm not hiding it.

Yes, you are.

Everybody hides something.

I have no secrets from you.

I walk in that door and fill you in on

every high and low in my day.

Today's low?

A toss-up between a canceled Shakespeare

and an Intro to Ren Lit with 20 heads

who think the Renaissance is a fair

they go to every July.

My high? I'm drinking it.

Mmm-mmm.

Mmm.

Brain freeze.

No secrets. It's perfection. That is you.

It gets the bills paid.

See, that's what you hide from me.

I mean, you walk in the door pissed off

because...

And I'm sorry, I have established

a beachhead in new media

while you still teach at

Vassar of the Valley.

And that is what you hide from me.

You look at Bra Busters Triple-X,

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