Larry Crowne Page #7

And when you cross it for the first time

it's a very big deal if

you are in the Navy,

even if you're a culinary specialist.

The old guys make you dress up

in goofy costumes

and you have to sing these bawdy songs.

And they play practical jokes on you.

When I did it for the

first time, years ago,

a chief petty officer ordered me

to stand watch

until I saw the equator as we passed it,

and I would recognize it by the big posts

that were sunk into the ocean floor

and spaced every 100 yards.

And, obviously, I never

hit my rack that night.

Remember the old commercial for the Navy?

"Join the Navy, see the world"?

Well, it's true. I did.

I saw landmarks that were both manmade

and the natural things.

I saw deltas, I saw mountain ranges.

I saw the Rock of Gibraltar.

I saw Hong Kong.

And I saw the southern sky,

which has different stars

than the northern sky does.

In the Navy,

I went around the world five times.

I saw the aurora borealis.

I had shore leave in Australia,

couple of times. Quite memorable.

And I saw the Great Lakes from the rail

of a missile frigate

while I was on the Great Lakes.

I boiled and peeled and mashed and hashed

an awful lot of potatoes.

I saw pasta once a week.

Spaghetti Wednesdays, when I was in

charge of the galley.

I learned a lot of geography in the Navy

but I would never be able to

communicate it to you

with such ease

unless I had taken a class like this.

I believe it was George Bernard Shaw

who once quipped,

"A fool's brain digests

philosophy into folly,

science into superstition

and art into pedantry.

Hence a university education."

Sounds to me like George Bernard Shaw

must have taken a college class

maybe even Speech 217,

the Art of Informal Remarks.

Ding-ding! Applause, please!

Yeah!

- Larry!

- Be aggressive, Larry!

Larry

Crowne, you're terrific!

Oh, that was incredible.

Best speech ever!

The first to finish. No surprise.

Mr Crowne,

you have a grasp of my concepts

like few others.

Thank you, Doctor.

Hmm.

Cottage cheese to keep

me trim, fruit to keep me regular,

and a big-ass biscuit.

Club sandwich, white toast,

order of French fry, chicken-fried steak.

That's right, chicken-fried.

Big-time, Larry.

Spectacular.

Hey, Nick.

- Take the wheel for a second.

- All right.

Is this the place with the killer pie?

What's Spanish for

"My next wife just walked in"?

Hello, I'm Larry, and I will be

your culinary specialist today.

Larry Crowne, look at you. You work here?

- It's my secret identity.

- Right.

Frances, this is the A student

I was telling you about.

The one that smells so nice.

Larry, um,

I actually gave you an

A-plus in Speech 217.

"A" for excellent. Lance!

A-plus?

Well, I don't know what

to say, Miss Tainot.

Please call me Mercy.

I'm not your teacher any more.

Boo-hoo.

Unless you signed up for next term.

- Larry, kitchen, cook, busy.

- All right. My boss.

Larry?

You're a great student. I'm not an easy A.

You're a great teacher.

I got a whiff of the chef.

He smelled like grilled onions.

Hey, thanks, Nick.

Okay, I got this.

Greek salad, spaghetti, meatballs.

The ships of finance

sail upon roiling seas,

with hidden shoals of junk debt,

squalls of undercapitalisation

and tsunamis of the false value index.

This course pack, written by guess who,

is your map to a safe economic harbour.

All aboard!

The state charter requires a minimum of

10 students per class

and since there are only eight of you,

it costs them more...

- Sorry we're late!

- Doesn't mean we don't care.

Where's Larry?

- Yeah, where is Larry?

- Crowne stiffed us?

I thought for sure he'd be here.

He told me your class changed his life.

What's the name of this class, anyway?

Shakespeare, the Politician.

Seriously?

Good morning, everyone.

My name is Miss Tainot.

T-A-I-N-O-T.

- Not Tae-Bo, not Tai Chi.

- Thanks a lot, guys.

Not Tie-knot. Not Snotface.

Right

turn Harbor Street.

- Thank you.

- Right turn.

Turning right.

Your destination is on the right.

Oh. Okay.

Well, thank you, Map Genie.

I love that dress, Cha-Cha!

But I'd show more leg if I were you.

4225?

You're looking for Lance.

You'll see the stairs.

Thank you.

Shorter dress'll get you wolf whistles!

Ow! For you. For you.

- So, did he close that deal?

- Almost.

Lance, Lance, Lance.

Hello.

Mercy.

That's a good trick.

You told Lala my class changed your life.

Yes, yes, I said that.

I met you.

So, are you hungry?

Extremely.

Let me show you the

world's smallest kitchen.

It's where I make my French toast.

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