Lars And The Real Girl Page #3

Well, maybe.

That'd be great.

Do you think I can bring my girlfriend?

Yeah, yeah, I'm totally bringing somebody.

- I didn't know there were sex dolls.

- Love dolls, that's what they call 'em.

- I saw a special in 'People'.

- So you are serious? Bianca has a...

So she is really just one of the girls...

I am sorry.

No way.

She has a sister?

I wish I had a woman that couldn't talk.

It's not that funny. It's not that funny.

We don't want anything to do with her.

She is a 'golden calf'.

- We all know what happened with that.

- Well, he's not worshipping her.

- They're just dating?

- These young people have no willpower.

He is sick, alright. He's sick.

Yes. We were just hoping if we came to you,

you could help.

You know, just pave the way a little.

If you could just try to understand it...

We can try.

This is all, for heaven's sake.

What's the big deal?

Sally, your cousin puts dresses on his cats.

Hazel, your nephew gave all his money

to a UFO club.

And Ernie, everybody knows your

first wife was a klepto.

- She wasn't.

- Then why has she buried a pair of my earrings?

Now that's enough.

These things happen.

Lars is a good boy.

You can depend on me.

Thanks Mrs. Gruner.

He's not bringing it to the church,

is he, Reverend Bock?

The question is, as always...

What would Jesus do?

I would like to take the opportunity

to welcome all of our new visitors

to our church today.

Bianca, it's good to see you.

Lars, God bless, God bless.

- Thank you so much, Reverend.

- You're welcome, my dear.

These are for you, Bianca.

This is my friend, Mrs. Gruner.

She has a darling figure.

Those are nice, huh?

They are not real,

so they'll last forever.

Isn't that neat?

Get back here.

Watch watch watch... there we go.

Are you comfortable?

Yeah?

I'll get the chair.

Oh can you... can you put a seat belt on her?

Bianca, Gus' gonna put on your seat belt.

Can you put that on her legs because

she gets cold. Thank you.

Thanks Gus.

Where are you guys...

Where are you going?

Just one second.

She doesn't know. It's a secret,

but I can tell you.

It's just she's asking me lots of

questions all the time.

She wants to know everything about me so...

I thought I would take her to the lake

where we used to play.

- Yeah.

- Do you remember that?

Yeah.

It sounds... yeah, that sounds nice.

Yeah.

I gotta go.

I'm coming.

Why are you yelling?

Gus and his friends used to come here often.

In the summer they would go fishing,

and in the winter,

they would play hockey.

they would build cool forts, like,

snow hoards.

Watch your head.

Okay this is a treehouse, and a rope swing,

and a ladder.

You should watch me chop wood too.

I'm really good at it.

I am sorry.

I couldn't wait any longer, I wanted to

see how she was doing

After the treatment she has to rest

Doesn't work without the resting

Keep me company.

Lars,

keep me company.

Do you know how many sessions

she's gonna have to have?

No, I don't, it's a tricky illness, Lars.

But you know what I could use is

a more complete history on her, like parents...

Oh, they died when she was a baby.

- That's not fair.

- Yeah, but...

She doesn't feel sorry for herself or anything,

she just wants to be normal.

Have everyone treating her normal.

That's nice. I admire that.

Yeah, me too.

Is that your husband?

Yes, he died.

Oh no, I am sorry.

- You have kids?

- No.

You must feel really lonely.

Sometimes I get so lonely that I forget

what day it is and how to spell my name.

How about you?

You are funny.

So what's the difference between a delusion

and a hallucination?

It's false perception versus false belief.

So if Mous thinks the FBI's after him...

- The DEA.

- INS.

- IRS, ATF, AAA.

- I doubt it would be a delusion.

Now dude, they're all after us.

My dad told me that...

that wood warms you.

Three times:

First when you chop down your tree.

Then when you chop it up,

then when you burn it.

What are we doing?

Why are we doing this for him?

Oh c'mon.

That's funny.

Is it?

I don't know.

I don't know, maybe not.

So tell me about Karin.

I don't know her very well.

Oh, she is wonderful.

Gus and I are both very lucky with

Women. She's wonderful.

But she...

We don't have to talk.

Let's find you something to read.

No, it's just...

- ...between us.

- Of course.

I'm worried about her.

I think she has a little problem.

- Oh, maybe you shouldn't tell me.

- No, it's okay. It's just...

I think it's because

she is insecure but...

she's just always trying to hug everybody.

You know, some people don't like that.

Some people don't like to be hugged.

But she doesn't realize that.

She takes it personally.

And things...

You know, it hurts her feelings.

I don't know what to do about that.

Do you?

But it's such a comfort sometimes

just to have somebody's arms

around you, don't you think?

- No.

- C'mon, it feels good.

It does not feel good.

It hurts.

Like a cut or a bruise?

Like a burn.

Like, like when you go outside and...

your feet freeze and then you come back in

and they thaw out.

It's like that.

It's almost exactly like that.

Same with everybody?

I'm not really with Bianca.

But everyone else.

So you don't let people touch you.

Lars, isn't that hard to get away with?

I'm not really here, because

I have all these layers.

- And that helps.

- Look...

We can't change Karin.

But...

I can help you.

That's fine.

- Pain?

- Yeah, but I can take it.

You okay?

That's enough for today.

Yeah, thanks.

Yeah, okay.

It's scientifically proven that everyone's

favourite word is their own names so...

if you just say their names a lot...

You okay?

You can see that it's gonna make them happy.

Mr. Sunshine, and this must be Bianca.

Welcome, welcome. Come on in.

I have my boots on,

I should've brought my shoes.

Don't worry about it.

Baxter, Baxter baby...

Lars, this is my husband.

Hi.

Bianca.

How are you?

Is that for me, Bianca?

Thank you.

Can Baxter get you two something to drink

from the kitchen?

Lars...?

Beer.

And for Bianca?

She doesn't drink.

She doesn't like it when I drink either

but I'm still gonna have one.

I can help you with the coats.

This is Margo, this is Bianca.

Hi.

Hi Bianca.

I'm glad you sent us that memo,

or I'd be freaked.

So bizarre.

- It's a disorder

- What a nerder.

Lars?

Look at them.

He's in love with that sluggy hunk of silicone.

- Her name is Bianca.

- Does he have sex with her?

Hell yes, that's what she's for, yeah.

Eww, Eww.

So I hear you guys are getting married?

- Yes.

- No.

I would kill that hair like hers.

Or I'd cut it like to here long

and short in the back.

Lars would never let her cut it.

Guys and long hair...

I don't care.

I know how she likes it,

that's how I like it.

That's my kind of guy.

I need wine.

I'll get it.

- Anything else?

- Oh no, thanks.

Lars, Bianca - a total babe.

Thanks.

Best thing is, man:

she even knows how hot she is.

That's what you want in a woman.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes