Lassie Page #5

We best get tidied up.

Get an early start tomorrow.

What the hell is that?

It's a bloody midget.

Is it, now?

Or are we looking at a bloomin' dwarf?

What?

Dwarves or midgets.

You have to be sensitive

about these things.

Dwarves are richer.

They dig for gold.

Then let's call it a dwarf.

Do you think he'll have it with him -

the gold?

Let's go and ask the little fella, shall we?

(Lassie and Toots bark)

- Watch your dog, little fella.

- It's all right.

We ain't doing nothing.

Quiet down, Your Majesty.

Quiet down.

Toots.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

(growls)

Are you having a cuppa? Isn't that nice?

Could you spare a swallow for a couple

of homeless chaps looking for work?

Woe'vvoe got a froesh caught rabb t

by way of oexchangoe

You're welcome, friend.

The water's almost boiled.

The tea's in the wagon. I'll get it.

No hurry.

- Is there, mate?

- No hurry at all.

Only sorry we missed the show.

Big audience, was it?

Bet you make a killing this time of year.

Christmas coming and all that.

Come on, where is it?

The gold.

Cos if you're nice and hand it over,

we won't hurt you.

Will we, Mr S?

No... we won't hurt you.

Afraid I haven't got any gold. Just tea.

So you want it the hard way,

do you, little 'un?

Fair enough.

Don't just stand there, get in after him,

you coward.

Argh! You little beggar!

(barks)

Stay out of this, Your Majesty!

You want some of this, do you?

Is this what you want?

Come on, my little beauty.

(yelps)

- Go home! Get out of it!

(barks)

What a dog!

You see, little fella,

even your best friend can't stand...

You get underneath the wagon,

I'll get the cash.

(Toots growls)

- Get off!

Snickers, where are you?

There's no sign of him under here.

I'm aware.

(Toots snarls)

No.

Argh!

Oof!

Argh!

(yaps)

(Toots snarls)

Toots! Get away! Toots!

You bloomin' rat!

(thwack)

(roars)

Get it off!

(Lassie snarls)

- Get off!

(Lassie barks)

(panting)

(barks)

I hate dogs.

I always have.

Hello, there, my darling.

You put up a pretty good fight,

didn't you, now?

(Lassie whimpers)

Quiet, Your Majesty.

She hasn't much time left.

Seven years we've been together.

And I couldn't have asked

for better company.

With blessings He has to spare.

M ay Good g vvoe t hoehm to you now

(Lassie whimpers)

The Lord says his Father notices

even the fall of a single sparrow.

So trusting in him, we commend

our dear friend to his bosom.

(horse whinnies)

Come on, then, Your Majesty.

Don't want to?

Perhaps it's best that way.

Still want to go south, do you?

Winter in the Riviera.

With all the other la-di-dahs.

I'd like to go with you but...

winter's coming...

and I'd best be getting back home.

Besides...

...you'd always be reminding me

of my Toots, wouldn't you, Lass?

(barks)

Hey...

That's the pity of it.

You can understand my language

but I can't understand yours.

And it's us that's supposed to be

the most intelligent.

We had some pretty good times together,

didn't we?

Yeah. Well...

Off you go, then.

And may luck go with you.

Off you go.

Come on, then, old girl.

Time to head for home.

CILLA:

What was that?

Some kind of animal, darling.

A fox, I should think.

- It looked bigger than a fox to me.

- Look, we're here.

- Will grandpa have a Christmas tree?

- Of course.

It'll be the biggest you've ever seen.

Can we light them now?

No, darling. It'll burn down.

It's all we've got left.

We'll light them

when we get back from church.

Come on. You'll be late for practice.

(church organ)

CHORISTERS:

# O come all ye faithful

# Joyful and triumphant

# O come ye, O come ye

# To Bethlehem

# Come and behold him

# Born the king of angels

# O come let us adore him

# O come let us adore him

# O come let us adore him

# Christ the Lord

Happy Christmas.

I knew you'd make it.

Is it snowing?

Aye. Aye, it's beautiful outside.

And inside too.

# Leaving their flocks

draw nigh to gaze

(carol continues in distance)

(barks)

(barks)

# In the bleak midwinter

# Frosty wind made moan

# Earth stood hard as iron

# Water like a stone

# Snow had fallen, snow on snow

# Snow on snow

(carol continues faintly)

# What can I give him

# Poor as I am?

(whimpers)

(whimpers)

(chatter)

Cricket, what's the matter with you?

You're not supposed to be in here.

What are you doing?

Where's John?

I don't know. He were right here.

Lassie...

It's Lassie! She's come home!

Listen for yourself, Joe.

The heart's very faint. But it is there.

She's had a terrible ordeal and I can't

say whether it's possible she'll survive it.

An animal doesn't know how to fight for life

in the way a human often can.

It may be that, having got home

and having achieved what she wanted,

she'll be content to just go to sleep

and... pass on.

Is there anything we can do?

Try and get her to eat something.

Warm milk and brandy, I would suggest.

We haven't got any brandy.

I've got some. We were saving it

for the Christmas pudding.

VET:

We'll all see how she is in the morning.

I'll come round first thing.

(giggling)

This is for you. I made it myself.

For me?

At school I wanted to remind myself

that it was still possible to escape.

Did you, indeed?

(chuckles)

(knock at door)

I know she's here,

so don't try and make any trouble.

I've got officers of the law with me

just in case you do.

- He can't take her, can he?

- This is a sick animal.

She can't be moved.

We have a certificate from the vet here,

saying she's fit to travel.

Well, go on, then, get on with it.

- Don't touch her.

- Sorry, Sam. We've seen the papers.

Everyone knows you sold her.

She's not going anywhere

unless I take her myself.

That won't be necessary. Officers...

She's under my care.

I'm responsible for her.

What difference does it make?

You want her back, he'll take her back.

No!

You can cohmoe too, Jooe

I'm not stopping here by myself.

I demand an escort

in case they run off with her.

- They've tried it before, you know.

- Oh, shut up.

Right, you keep an eye on them.

I'll get it sorted.

That's it.

HYNES:

Your Grace... Your Grace!

(growling)

(chatter)

Mr Hynes is here, Your Grace,

and he was most insistent...

I've found her, Your Grace,

I've found her!

I've got her outside, just like you ordered.

Lassie! He's found Lassie!

P oeasoe, oevvoeryboody stay hoeroe

HYNES:

I told you she'd not get past me.

Detective work, Your Grace.

Months of it.

I knew it would pay off in the end.

She arrived here Christmas Eve.

Very poorly.

We were... just looking after her

till she were well enough to bring back.

Mm-hm.

And what are these officers

doing here, exactly?

Well, Your Grace, Mr Hynes here

says that this here animal is stolen.

- Quite insistent, he was.

- Was he, indeed?

Well, let's have a look, shall we?

Would you allow me to examine

your animal, young man?

Well, I'll be blowed.

All the way to Bermuda

and back again, what?

- Please...

- Quiet, boy.

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