Last Tango in Paris Page #5

or standing on the mantle.

I gotta get some mayonnaise for this.

It really is good with mayonnaise.

And Ill save the a**hole for you.

A rats a**hole in mayonnaise!

I want to get out of here.

I want to go away.

I cant take it anymore here.

Im going away.

Im never coming back.

Never.

Quo vadis, baby?

I forgot to tell you something.

I fell in love with somebody.

Oh, isnt that wonderful?

Oh, gosh.

Youre gonna have to

get out of these wet duds.

And Im going to

make love with him.

Well...

first you have to

take a hot bath.

Cause if you don`tt,

you`rre gonna get pneumonia. Right?

Then you know what happens?

You get pneumonia, and then

you know what happens? You die.

You know what happens then,

when you die?

I get to f*** the dead rat.

- Give me the soap.

- Im in love.

Youre in love?

How delightful.

Im in love! I`mm in love!

You understand?

Im in love! I`mm in love!

You know, youre old.

- And youre getting fat.

- Fat, is it? How unkind.

Half of your hair is out.

The other half is almost white.

In ten years youre gonna be

playing soccer with your tits.

You know what Ill be doing?

You will be in a wheelchair.

Well, maybe.

But Ill be smirking and giggling

all the way to eternity.

How poetic.

But, please, before you go

wash my feet.

Okay.

Noblesse oblige.

You know, he and I, we make love.

Oh, really?

Thats wonderful.

Is he a good f***er?

Magnificent.

You know, youre a jerk.

Cause the best f***ing you`rre gonna get

is right here in this apartment.

Stand up.

Hes full of mysteries.

Give me the soap.

Listen, you dumb dodo...

all the mysteries that youre ever

gonna know in life are right here.

Hes like everybody,

but at the same time he`ss different.

You mean, like everybody.

Yeah, but even he frightens me.

What is he, your local pimp?

He could be.

He looks it.

- You know why Im in love with him?

- I can`tt wait.

Because he knows how to make me

fall in love with him.

Oh. You want this man that you love

to protect you and take care of you.

Yeah.

You want this golden,

shining, powerful warrior...

to build a fortress

that you can hide in...

so you dont ever

have to be afraid...

or feel lonely or feel empty.

- Thats what you want?

- Yes.

Well, youll never find him.

But Ive found this man.

Then it wont be long until he`lll

want you to build a fortress for him...

out of your tits and your c*nt

and your hair and your smile...

and the way you smell.

Someplace where he can feel

comfortable enough and secure enough...

so that he can worship

in front of the altar of his own prick.

But Ive found this man.

No. Youre alone.

Youre all alone...

and you wont be able to be free

of that feeling of being alone...

until you look death

right in the face.

That sounds like bullshit,

some romantic crap...

until you go

right up into the ass of death.

Right up in his ass.

Till you find the womb of fear.

And then maybe...

maybe then

youll be able to find him.

But Ive found this man.

Hes you.

You are that man.

Give me the scissors.

- What?

- Give me the fingernail scissors.

No. I want you to cut

the fingernails on your right hand.

These two.

Thats it.

Put your fingers up my ass.

What?

Put your fingers up my ass.

Are you deaf?

Go on.

Im gonna get a pig...

and Im gonna have the pig

f*** you.

I want the pig

to vomit in your face...

and I want you

to swallow the vomit.

- You gonna do that for me?

- Yeah.

I want the pig to die

while youre f***ing him.

Then you have to go behind it

and smell the dying farts of the pig.

- Are you gonna do all that for me?

- Yes, and more than that!

And worse.

Worse than before.

You look ridiculous

in that makeup.

Like the caricature

of a whore.

A little touch of mommy

in the night.

Fake Ophelia

drowned in the bathtub.

I wish you could see yourself.

Youd really laugh.

Youre your mother`ss masterpiece.

Oh, Christ.

Theres too many f***ing flowers

in this place. I can`tt breathe.

You know, in the top of the closet,

cardboard box...

I found all your-

I found all your little goodies.

Pens, key chains...

foreign money, French ticklers...

the whole shot.

Even a clergymans collar.

I didnt know you collected all

those little knickknacks left behind.

Even if a husband lives...

hes never gonna be able to discover

his wife`ss real nature.

I might be able

to comprehend the universe...

but...

Ill never discover

the truth about you. Never.

I mean, who the hell were you?

Remember that day...

the first day I was there?

I knew I couldnt get into

your pants unless I said-

What did I say?

Oh, yes.

"May I have my bill, please?

I have to leave. "

Remember?

Last night I...

I ripped off the lights

on your mother...

and the whole joint

went bananas.

All your guests,

as you used to call them-

Well, I guess that includes me,

doesnt it?

Huh?

It does include me,

doesnt it?

For five years I was more

a guest in this f***ing flophouse...

than a husband.

With privileges, of course.

Then, to help me understand...

you let me inherit Marcel...

the husbands double

whose room was the double of ours.

And you know what?

I didnt even have the guts

to ask him...

if the same numbers you and I did

were the same numbers you did with him.

Our marriage was nothing more

than a foxhole for you...

and all it took for you to get out was

a 35-cent razor and a tub full of water.

You cheap, goddamn f***ing,

godforsaken whore.

I hope you rot in hell.

Youre worse than the dirtiest street

pig anyone could find, and you know why?

You know why?

Because you lied.

You lied to me,

and I trusted you.

You knew you were lying.

Tell me you didnt lie.

Havent you got anything

to say about that?

You can think up something,

cant you? Huh?

Go on, tell me something.

Go on, smile, you c*nt.

Go on.

Tell me something sweet.

Smile at me and say

that I just misunderstood.

Go on, tell me...

you pig f***er.

You goddamn f***ing,

pig-f***ing liar.

Im sorry. I-

I just cant-

I can`tt stand it...

to see these goddamn things

on your face.

You never wore makeup,

all this f***ing sh*t.

Im gonna take this off your mouth.

Lipstick.

Oh, God.

Im sorry.

I dont know why you did it.

Id do it too,

if I knew how.

I just dont know-

I just have to find a way-

Is somebody there?

What?

There is some noise there.

All right, Im- I`mm coming.

I have to go.

I have to go, sweetheart.

Somebodys calling me.

Then is there somebody?

Yeah. Im coming.

Hurry up!

Wake up!

Open up!

- But its 4:
00 a. m.

- I need the usual room. Number 4.

Half an hour will do.

Yes, yes. Half an hour.

- Were full.

- No, indeed.

When youre full you put out a sign.

I know.

Im tired of arguing.

Call the owner.

Move it! The owners

always been helpful to me.

Were old friends, Rose and me.

Open, please.

Knock it off

if you dont want me to tell her.

Come in. All set.

Happy? He left me.

Sorry.

Hurry, please.

He cant be too far.

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