Latter Days

When I first came to Los Angeles,

it looked like just this mass of dots.

All jumbled and disconnected.

It was pretty disorienting.

What the f*** are you doing? I'm straight.

That is so how all guys say that

No, I'm serious, dude.

Oh really? It's too bad. 'Cos I'm amazing.

I don't like to brag, but I can suck the engine block

to the tail pipe of the '58 Chevy.

Really?

Yeah, talking 'bout the big ones with the 380s.

Oh. So you know cars, yeah?

And beer.

See, unlike with women, you can crack one open right after..

Hell! You can have one during.

It'll just be a little fun between buddies, you know.

And you'll never have to call me.

Till you're up for another round, that is.

You're not worried about Elizabeth coming in?

Elizabeth? My roommate is Julie.

I'm here for a date with Elizabeth.

Elizabeth is 243D, as in 'down the walk'.

This is 243B. As in 'Blowj*b'.

You're not StraightCurious from AOL?

No.

Not again.

Oh, shut up! You're so lying to me.

A-a! Check the journal! Look.

September 20th. Oh my God! That is so funny!

So maybe you should write a song about that.

I can't believe you've almost done with your demo

and you haven't written a song about your best friend.

Yeah, I can't believe that the tree falls in the forest

it wouldn't have something to do with you.

Hey, J. Martinis, vodka or gin?

Gin, and you, you can tell that friend of yours to go f*** himself.

You know, I only have one friend who can actually do that,

and I doubt you've met.

I mean the base player. We were just

supposed to lay down some tracks

but the second song it

was like my bra had grown hands.

Excuse me, wannabees, order up.

One callback, she's Margo Channing

Second callback, thank you. Second lead in the feature.

I'm so getting this. Soon, I can kiss you losers goodbye

and finally justify moving to this miserable f***ing town.

You ever read for Barry Wolf?

Hey, why are we skipping on the fries? Come on, load me up.

Barry Wolf read me once for this commercial,

he was licking me with his eye the whole time.

They don't call him the 'Wolf who cried Boy' for nothing.

You know, he wouldn't even see me for that

crappy TV 'Wacky Gay Neighbour' thing?

What's that about? I'm gay, I'm wacky

Maybe you're not neighbourly.

F*** you. I'm Donna Reed on a stick

Excuse me, darlings. I hate to interrupt this important

discussion between all you big stars...

I'll settle for medium star.

Point well taken.

In the meantime, I hear that Disney's opening a Fantasia

restaurant where the plates fly themselves to the tables.

Until then, what to do. Hot stuff, coming through.

Yes!

Hi guys.

You take one of my tracks and give

the karaoke at Funny Boys. Julie!

Also two-for-one margaritas?

I'll be there.

Enjoy your meal.

Quit gawking, we don't have all day.

Au, f***. Yeah, f*** you too.

Mum? Julie. Where the hell are you?

I'm here. Isn't this where you called

me, where did we end up last night?

I don't know, but I woke up without

my bra. That's never a good sign.

I wouldn't worry about it.

So, why are you calling me and not just tiptoeing

across the hall with sympathy and Excedrin?

I tried that, I thought you'd gone. Spin class is starting.

Oh f***.

Hey, hold up a minute.

We've met. Um, no, I'm brand new here.

Hey, Green, let's get it moving along huh.

Gotta go.

All unpacked...final bell, Harmon is down.

Hey Gilford why don't you come

over here and give me a back rub?

Wrong tree. Barking. Think I'm

rubbing your pimply back, you homo.

David? Come on, Green, help a guy,

allright? Have stuff to put away.

Come on, Gil, just like ten

minutes. You know I'd give you one.

You're on. No, I asked you first. Nope.

That hurts!

Prepare to die, dude.

Hey.

Hi!

You remember me, from across the way?

Yeah. Harmon!

I brought you guys a 'Welcome

to the complex' sixer.

Uh, thanks, but we don't drink.

What kind of frat boys are you?

Who called up

Deliver-A-Fag?

Geez, Ryder a little louder and he'll probably hear you.

I don't care

You see those

flippin' shorts he was wearing?

Just check that.

OK, three of these

There was the most adorable man,

Daniel, here this evening.

I thought I might introduce you. Really?

Blue shirt, end of the bar?

Actually yes. Daniel. We've met.

August, 3rd... yup.

Oh, not so good, not so good.

Andrew, can I have a glass of that Merlot there?

Sure thing. And Ben called for you, Miss M.

Well, I suppose if he calls this late in the week,

I can call him this late in the evening, right? -Absolutely. -Cheers.

Oh oh, you guys wanna hear something

freaky? Remember those four people

that moved into Elizabeth's old

apartment? Guess what they do.

Quadruplet porn stars. This town? Hardly

freaky. They're rodeo clowns.

No, listen, it's even weirder than that.

They are Mormon missionaries, swear to God.

Oh. Although rodeo clowns

would've been kinda cool.

They must've loved your aberrant

lifestyle. I dated a Mormon guy once.

His family put him through shock

therapy. We have sex, he was a wild man.

Then he wanna throw

himself out the window.

So, you live on the first floor.

Yes, but it's hell on my azaleas

Now, wouldn't it be funny if you converted

them instead of them converting you?

Could you imagine? No, I've seen these boys,

they're wound way too tight for that.

I bet he can't do it.

Oh, wait. Are we betting here?

Same as always, five and a sixer?

Oh no, this is big.

We're going high

stakes? 50 says he can't.

I've seen the guys on the bikes. I'm

thinking, this time you have met your match.

Really? -Bullshit. 50 says he

can. And I bust tables for a week.

OK, I'm in with Andrew, no way.

Oh, cool. We on? So what are we

talking about here? I get him to what?

Do anything? Blowj*b?

We need proof. OK, underwear.

I knew this other Mormon guy in the army.

They got these sacred boxers they shimmer.

Get one of those. Sacred undies?

I gotta see this. All right, I'm in.

I will get one of those boys out of their underwear

Seal the deal.

Alright, we're going out tonight?

Oh please, not another episode of 'Christian hooks up'.

Hey, gotta keep my skills honed. To skills.

Hey, leaving? Yeah, yoga. You?

Mmm, arm day...

Hey, I don't think we've met. I'm Julie Taylor.

Hi. I'm Elder Davis. What you reading there?

I'm just studying. You know, I thought I'd come outside.

'Cos, we're from Idaho, it gets cold in October.

Oh, wow, bummer. It's pretty much like this all the time here.

Isn't it, Chris? Yeah.

So, what is it that you guys do?

We talk to people about our church.

Oh really? Chris likes

to talk to people.

Sometimes it helps people to find meaning in their lives.

Julie was complaining her life is void of meaning.

Void? I said 'void'? Well, maybe we can come talk to you.

You know, we would like that. Sure. OK.

Bye.

Subtle... Yeah, I got 50 right on you. See you at work.

Thank God she's leaving. Can you

believe 'Entertainment Weekly' called her

the new sweetheart of American cinema?

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