Laugh Killer Laugh Page #3

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Yes, yeah, thank you. Thank you, Jackie.

Does anybody else

have any questions for Oscar?

Okay, if... well, class dismissed.

- Hey, Frank?

- Yeah?

You can go ahead with that operation.

The Grobe brothers.

Vic and Ronnie, I presume.

We're here. Start talking.

I like your manners. Sit down.

This job we're gonna pull

is in the diamond district.

This place is an upstairs distribution.

The way it works,

you guys got to "go-between".

He carries the diamonds down

in a little briefcase.

He doesn't take the elevator,

he uses the stairs.

It's Bonafide, I checked it out.

That's what will make it happen.

- How many stones will he be carrying?

- 150K, minimum.

- What's our cut?

- It's a flat rate. Twenty-five grand each.

Twenty-five?

What are you, crazy or something?

We split it three ways

or we ain't interested.

Look, these diamonds, they're rare.

No fence in New York

is gonna deal with them.

All you need to know is

it's gonna take time and money.

And that's the rate, 25k.

Nah.

Split it three ways or nothing.

Nothing it is.

You know, I was told

you guys were professionals.

I guess I was told wrong.

Sit.

- Does that mean you're in?

- Yeah.

- Alright, you got any other questions?

- Yeah, I got one question.

Me and my brother, we heard

a couple of things about you.

We need you to clear it up for us.

- You heard some things like what?

- That whoever works these jobs of yours...

they never get seen again.

Let me tell you something, fellas.

People talk all the time,

they talk for a lot of reasons.

Envy, jealousy, greed.

All you need to know is if you're square

with me, I'll be square with you.

I'll be in touch.

- Hi!

- How you doing?

You're new here. I'm Jackie.

Well, actually,

we met the other day, kind of.

Yeah, what's yours again?

- What?

- Your name, dumb-dumb.

Oscar. Oscar Kissell.

So, like, what are you hoping to be?

A mystery writer or something?

I don't know.

Oh, my God, is that typed?

Do you...

You used the typewriter. I didn't

even know they were around anymore.

- I like typewriters. I mean, I like things...

- Hey, what's that? Oh!

Gotcha.

Okay, class, everybody take their seats.

We're gonna start.

Monday, late afternoon.

Diamond district.

And Frank Stone gets ready.

A large Romanian man...

comes out of an office...

with a briefcase full of bling.

But, today, that large Romanian...

gonna be in for a surprise.

You two midgets think you can rob me?

Try it.

- Jesus Christ, there's a fortune in here!

- Nice!

Grab the bag, let's get out of here.

I think there's only enough

for me and my brother.

- What?

- You heard me, you dirty double...

It's called the double-cross.

Or the dirty double-cross.

Someone turning on you is one of the

unfortunate hazards in this line of work.

Luckily for Frank,

he's always expecting it.

Wow, that's interesting.

It really is getting more and more

cohesive, Oscar. Keep it up.

Hey! Hey, Oscar!

Hey!

Well, I was just wondering

if you wanted to get a coffee?

So, I just wanted to know

what goes on in that head of yours.

What do you mean?

Well, how do you get

your stuff to sound so real?

Like... I don't know, I just...

I feel like I'm in the same world

as your characters.

Like... It's...

I don't know. I just write

whatever comes into my head.

Wow, I mean, Frank Stone is so cold.

Well, I mean...

He has a lot of demons in his past.

They're gonna stay there

until he gets rid of 'em.

He doesn't trust anyone.

That's how he survives.

Have you always had

this kind of imagination?

Did you read those recommended books

the teacher told us about?

I didn't read anything.

You're so serious!

But you're modest, too.

Can you pass me the sugar?

Boo!

Oh, sorry.

Thanks for giving me a ride home, Oscar.

That was nice.

Well...

When did you start dressing

like a little tugboat captain?

You know, do you like the open sea?

Hello?

Yeah, you... you don't give that much.

You really don't talk that much.

Are you hungry?

Why don't you come upstairs and let me

make you a fluffernutter sandwich.

Have you ever had one?

I can tell you haven't had one, cause

your eyes didn't light up when I said it.

You're missing out.

Do you want a beer?

No thanks. I don't drink.

You don't drink?

What are you, a boy scout or something?

How about a glass of milk?

That sounds good.

Here you go.

What's the matter, Oscar?

I don't know.

Something strange just happened.

What?

The horse on the glass here...

reminded me of something that

happened to me when I was a kid.

You know, I was raised in an orphanage.

And one day, me and all the other boys

we were all taken on a field trip.

But when the bus got there...

the first thing that I saw...

was this beautiful gray horse.

So I approached the horse really slowly

and I was talking to him softly,

the way a kid would.

And all of a sudden,

the horse, he went nuts.

I mean, he went totally haywire.

Started jumping up on his hind legs...

kicking.

He broke free from the chain

and he started to scare the other horses.

Well, horses do weird things

like that sometimes.

Yeah, well, the headmaster,

he got so angry...

that he grabbed me

and he started to beat me publicly,

right in front of the other boys.

That headmaster sounds like such a jerk!

And after that, all the kids,

they laughed at me.

They humiliated me, mocked me.

And I'll tell you that headmaster...

after that,

he never missed an opportunity...

Let's change the subject,

talk about something else.

Hey, Oscar?

- Isn't it funny?

- I'm leaving.

Oh, come on. What's the matter with you?

Listen, you may think everything is a joke.

But me, I take everything seriously.

- And I don't appreciate you mocking me.

- I wasn't mocking you.

What's the matter with you? I...

Oh, look who it is!

It's Mr. Personality!

He came here to brighten up

everybody's day, now didn't ya?

I got a question for you, scumbag.

How come you make everybody sick

at the very sight of you?

You got the personality of a cobra

and I've had it up to here with that.

Come on, Vinny, knock it off.

Sit down!

You have to excuse Vinny, Frank.

Anyway, how are you doing today, Frank?

- Doing good, Tony.

- Can I get you anything to eat?

You don't have to be shy, we have

plenty of food. More coming out.

No thanks, I'm not hungry.

No?

Give him his freakin' money,

let him get out of here.

- Thanks.

- Frankie, Frankie.

You know, not for nothing,

but we offer you food all the time.

And never once... once,

do you ever sit down and eat with us.

What's the matter? My gesture of

friendship doesn't agree with you?

Look at me

when I'm talking to you, Frankie.

Now I want to know why you

think you're too good for us.

It's not that, Tony. It's just, you know,

I got some place I got to be in a hurry.

Hurry? Where you got to be, Frankie?

- Somewhere.

- Frank...

the only place you should ever be

in a hurry to get to is home.

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