Laughter in Paradise Page #8

Deniston Russell.

Excuse me...

Here... what are you doing?

- It's alright...

I think I've changed my mind...

I'm innocent.

I know... I know.

James Deniston Russell...

You are charged that on the 14th instant

at No. 121 Mayfair Street...

You caused wilful damage to a plate glass window,

valued at 15.

You are further charged that you did

at the same time, date and place

assault Charles Baker, a constable

in the Metropolitan Police,

by striking him with your umbrella.

Do you plead guilty or not guilty?

Do you plead guilty or not guilty?

Well... it's true that certain unfortunate circumstances

did force me into certain actions.

But I mean, if I'd dreamt that I'd be

meeting you, Sir Charles...

Or dear Elizabeth...

We shall take that as a plea of Not Guilty.

I swear by almighty God, that

the evidence I shall give the court

shall be the truth, the whole truth

and nothing but the truth.

Charles Baker, Police Constable 149, please...

You mustn't come in here.

You can't put me off like that!

- He's innocent.

- They all are!

I want to give evidence.

Well, if you just wait a moment,

I'll see what I can do.

The accused thereupon assaulted me

in the course of my duty

by striking me with his umbrella,

your worship.

You heard the constable's evidence,

Captain Russell...

Do you wish to ask him

any questions on it?

Oh, no, no, no... thank you.

Have you anything you wish to say?

No, no... not at present.

Although I'll be most happy to explain it all

to you personally in 28 days time.

Now is the time, if you want to say

anything at all.

Have you no witnesses you wish to call?

Excuse me sir... there's a lady outside

who'd like to give evidence on his behalf.

Call her then... call her!

Captain Russell, you poor dear...

what are they doing to you?

Don't you worry,

I'll get you out of here.

No, no, no, no... please... please!

Take the Book in the right hand

and read what it says on the card.

I swear by Almighty God to tell the truth,

the whole truth and nothing but the truth

so help me God... Sheila Wilcott, 21 Juniper Drive, Ealing,

secretary to the Captain here.

I don't know what you think he's done

but it's all a lie!

Quiet!

It's a lie.

Captain Russell admits throwing a brick

through a shop window, Miss Wilcott.

Well then, he's suffering from strain

and overwork.

I always said he would.

It's medical attention he needs,

not this.

Just a minute, I understood he retired

from the army 5 years ago

and has had no employment since.

That's because he's too retiring

to talk about it.

Captain Russell is one of the most

successful writers of the age.

Writers? What's he write?

Books!

Lots of them!

I read a good deal... I've never heard of him.

No, you wouldn't... not by Captain Russell.

But you've no doubt heard of Merton Somersby,

Jeremy Sinclair... and Gloria Trubshaw!

Gloria Trubshaw?!

Who's she?

What's she got to do with it?

It's one of the captain's names, sir.

Alias, you say?

Here's "Bloody Justice" for you.

What's that?!

"Bloody Justice. "

Give it to me.

Thank you.

"Bloody Justice"?

By Gloria Trubshaw...

Do you admit to writing this, Miss Trubshaw?

I mean Capt. Russell.

I thank you Miss Wilcott...

I admire your spirit in coming here.

But the fact that Capt. Russell has written...

these things... does not alter the facts of the case.

Though my own private view is

that this type of literature

encourages hooliganism and crime.

You're wrong! Just because...

Thank you Miss Wilcott, I'm much obliged.

But you don't understand!

I'm much obliged.

Don't take any notice of them.

I find the case proved...

Anything previous?

No sir. He had an excellent record in the army.

It's a tragedy to see a man in your position

standing in this court.

Had you shown the slightest desire

to defend yourself...

I might have been able to take

a different course.

However, I have no option

but to send you to prison.

You may not realise it, but it's in my power

to send you away for at least 3 months.

However I'm inclined to think that a total

of 14 days in jail will probably be enough.

14 days?

Oh, but that's not enough.

Did you say something?

Yes... I said you were a pompous ass.

Very well... 14 days on the first charge

and 7 on the second.

21 days in all!

That's still not enough.

"Pompous ass" I said...

and "pompous ass" I meant.

You're not fit to conduct a bus,

let alone a court of justice.

And a further 7 days for contempt of court.

With sentences to run consecutively.

28 days in all!

28 days!

Thank you, Sir Charles, very much.

I'm terribly sorry.

I suggest he's medically examined

by the prison doctor.

No, no... no need for that Sir Charles,

I assure you.

Take him away!

Take him away!

Elizabeth...

Yes, Deniston...

I want to give you this.

Oh, Elizabeth...

I have permission to see you, because

there's something I want to say.

Please... please... listen, Elizabeth...

Or for that matter, what it would have cost

if I hadn't been...

But I promise you, that in one month

you'll understand the awful predicament I was in.

I have no wish to hear your excuses

now or any other time.

Apart from behaving like a complete rotter

to poor darling daddykins...

I couldn't possibly marry someone

who's deceived me.

Deceived you?

Oh, but I haven't.

I mean about your profession.

I could never marry a man who

earns his living in such a low way.

If I found one of my girls

reading such rubbish...

I'd punish her!

It's trash!

Alright... trash it is...

But at least it doesn't pretend

to be important.

Perhaps I'd be happier with someone

who thinks that what I do is good.

Even if it isn't.

Alright constable...

I've finished with him!

You can take him away.

Yessir... I mean ma'am.

Come along, then.

Keep your chin up!

It won't be long!

Of course it won't!

And then back to "Blood Lust"!

Yes! "Blood Lust"!

We'll finish it together!

What are you looking so happy about?

Oh, why not?

It's the happiest day of my life!

It's the happiest day of my life, Mrs Russell!

If I may say so, sir... it's an honour

to be a witness on such a happy occasion.

Dear old Benson... you know I wouldn't

have had any other witness.

You've no idea of the scrapes

he's got me out of.

If it hadn't been for Benson,

I wouldn't be with you now.

I can believe you, darling.

See you in a couple of weeks then...

and thanks for everything.

And thank you for everything, too.

I wish you every happiness... Mrs Russell.

Thank you.

And have a jolly good time!

I hope!

Don't think me fussy old girl...

but I shouldn't make a habit

of kissing Benson.

Why not, darling...

he's my uncle.

What?!

Benson's your uncle?!

Yes, my mother's brother...

didn't I tell you?

But you... cheating little fraud!

Oh, we both are, darling!

We're going to get on fine.

Oh, ma'am...

Yes?

I'm going out now Ethel.

Will you be back for dinner tonight, ma'am?

Yes, I'll be back.

I've nothing to celebrate.

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