Lavalantula
- TV-14
- Year:
- 2015
- 83 min
- 91 Views
1
Mr. Zander,
former Green Beret.
Medal of Honor
recipient.
CIA operative.
rmer head
of the Black Cobra
Mercenary Society.
been a bigger challenge,
but what
a disappointment
you are.
You're beginning
to sound like my father.
would like to tell us now?
Yeah.
I want to thank you.
You just saved me 1,500 bucks
in a root canal.
Heh.
Joke.
Don't misunderstand me.
I find you very funny,
but I'm done with you
and your jokes.
So tell me, Mr. Zander,
do you have
any final words
before I
remove your head
from your body?
Yeah, I do.
Nice leg.
Aah!
Aah!
Sayonara, amigos.
Cut!
Cut! Cut!
Darren, where are you?
Where are you?
I-Is this how you
take care of me?
It was supposed to be
taken care of.
What happened?
Sorry. It just
malfunctioned.
My bad, baby.
My bad.
Malfunctioned?
My bad.
Wait. This is smoke.
How could smoke
not function?
No. We don't use
smoke anymore.
No, no, no.
No, no.
"Red Rocket" was smoke.
That was whoosh.
This is different.
This is wheesh.
This is
liquid nitrogen,
new formula,
and it's safe
until it explodes.
Nitrogen? Are you kidding me?
Yes.
This is a chemical.
This can't be good
for my body.
Oh, baby,
you look fabulous.
Yeah, man.
You really do
look fabulous.
Let's move on to scene 87.
Sorry, boss.
Let's get
Let's get Colton
in his new wardrobe.
87? Hold on.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Darren, I'm not doing 87.
I'm wrapped.
I can't do this.
We have to do scene 87.
I need you
in the scene
with the bugs.
What bugs? I hate bugs.
I can't do a bug movie.
I'm not doing--
It's so funny
that you say that,
because you're
in a bug movie
right now.
That's what's happening.
I'm in a bug movie?
When did this
become a bug movie?
the writer put his fingers
on the keyboard.
Excuse me. I hope she's
a good friend of yours,
because you
just got her fired.
Hit that
with something heavy.
If I see that
near your face,
your face is in
the unemployment office.
What page is there
a bug movie?
What page?
Did you read the script?
Yeah, I looked it over.
What do you mean
you looked it over?
Did you put it on a coffee table
and look at it,
or did you read it?
I read most of it, Darren.
Come on. We're done here.
We're not done.
We're not done.
Oh, really?
Look, we're into
four hours of overtime,
and you promised me
I could take my kid
to see his favorite team.
You promised me that you
would be a team player
on this shoot,
that I wouldn't have to put up
with your crap this time.
I've been
here for 16 hours
choking on smoke.
How much more
of a team player
do you want?
Don't walk out that door.
Really?
You're making a mistake.
Really?
Thank you, Amber.
Oh, come on. Get bent.
Don't walk out that door,
Colton.
Okay, you did.
Now don't walk to your car.
Really?
Okay, it's over
for you if you do.
Over? Come on.
Yeah.
We know each other
10 years. We're buddies.
10 years is nothing
in this business.
I'm done with you.
Oh, come on.
Look, Darren, you know
the only reason
the producers
put me in this
is to put my face
on the video box.
On a video box?
Did you just time-travel here
from the nineties?
This is your problem.
You live in a world
of car phones and
fax machines.
You're living in the past.
"Red Rocket"
was 20 years ago.
"Clown Cops"
was 25 years ago.
You have to realize
I only put you in this move
as a favor to Arni.
giant cockroaches, okay?
It sells itself.
It doesn't need this,
not anymore.
Look, you don't
have to say that.
That's not really nice.
We're friends. Come on.
Not anymore.
I'm done with you.
Come on, Darren.
I'm gonna see you
tomorrow morning.
Not unless I'm down
at the unemployment
office, you won't.
Okay, bye, Colton.
Meg, get Arni
on the phone.
has been rocking
Southern California.
to talk about what is happening.
Thank you for spending some time
with us today, Doctor.
This is Colton.
You walked off the set?
Are you kidding me
right now?
Are you kidding me,
Arni?
It's a freaking
cockroach movie.
He didn't read the script.
It's what's
being offered.
It's $10,000
for one day's work,
and I had to beg
to get it for you!
Well, you know what?
They can keep
the money, okay?
You know, I'm looking
for something with
integrity and respect.
Do you know that word,
Arni? "Respect."
You know, I'm better
than this crap.
No, you're not.
I promised them--
No, I swore to them
you would be a mensch!
Nobody is more menschy
than me. You know that.
Look, I just
bailed you out of jail.
You were five seconds
away from orange is
the new ass in town.
They kept me four hours
after my day, okay?
I don't care!
You owe me money, Colt!
Just turn your car
around, please,
and go to work!
Arni, I got another call.
No more bug movies.
Don't you hang up on me!
Don't! Don't!
Mother--Maggie!
Hi, honey.
Where the hell
are you?
It's nice to hear
your voice, too, sweetheart.
The game starts
in 20 minutes.
Did you forget?
No. Honey,
this is Los Angeles.
Nobody gets to a game
before the fourth inning.
You know that.
Whatever.
I'm out of here.
Uh, he's on--
he's on his way, sweetheart.
I've heard it before.
Wyatt.
Great. He just walked
out of the house.
What's with that kid?
He doesn't listen
anymore.
Tell him the freeway's
a parking lot.
I'm gonna get there
as soon as I can.
You know what?
You tell him.
Colton West is
in the news again.
Why are you
on TV?
According to
law enforcement sources,
nineties movie star and
action hero Colton West
was booked last night
in Santa Monica
on charges of aggravated assault
and resisting arrest.
I guess that's one way to get
yourself back in the public eye.
What kind of trouble
are you in now?
I don't know, honey.
I really don't know.
You know what?
I don't care.
Goodbye, Colton.
Whoa.
Did you feel that?
Whoa!
We're having an earthquake.
Yeah, honey,
are you okay?
Olivia, are you okay?
Whoa!
You see that?!
Everybody
take cover!
Aah!
Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Come on, answer.
Answer.
Reports are pouring in
of an unprecedented
geological event
occurring in Los Angeles.
How 'bout biological?
How 'bout volcanic,
you moron?
This is
a freaking apocalypse!
In a follow-up story,
the Malibu bar fight
who was made famous
by his role as the Red Rocket
and made famous the expression,
"Nice" anything.
Nice nose.
Nice tattoo. Yah!
Nice tentacle.
Eyewitnesses are now
coming forward
to say that Colton West
was in fact
trying to be a peacemaker.
If that in fact is the case,
then this reporter
has one thing to say.
Nice job.
We interrupt this program
The earthquakes
that have been shaking
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"Lavalantula" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/lavalantula_12323>.
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