Lavalantula Page #2

the L.A. basin

the last few minutes

are in fact tied

to a volcanic eruption

in the Santa Monica Mountains

near the Sepulveda Pass.

Now, this would be

an unprecedented volcanic event

that--Okay.

Why is there

still no Internet?

Damn it!

You get Colton

on the phone yet?

No. It keeps going

to voice mail.

You guys

have to see this.

One of my friends

just sent this to me.

Yeah, that's great.

My kid has

that app, too.

Take a video

of anything,

you can nuke it,

alien invade it,

smash it

with a meteor.

What?

He's already killed

the neighbor's cat

30 times.

Oh, my God!

That was a big one,

you guys.

I think

we should go home.

I think

you're right.

That's a first.

Now!

Okay.

Son of a--

Spiders.

Did the spiders come?

Have you seen

the spiders?

Why didn't you tell me

about the bar fight?

The bar--bar fight

was nothing!

Nothing?

What--

It's all over the news.

"Colton West

is in trouble again."

Did Arni bail you out?

None of that matters.

Nothing matters.

What matters

is you're okay.

Thank God, honey,

you're okay.

You're not gonna believe

what I saw.

You're not gonna believe

what's going on

on the freeway.

Where's Wyatt?

He left, remember?

When did he do that?

Of course you

don't remember. He--

You forgot to pick

him up for his game,

so he just walked

out of the house.

Honey, have you seen

the news?

Yes! You had a bar fight.

Call Wyatt,

and get him back here.

I have been

calling Wyatt,

but of course

he's not picking up.

You know what?

I'm just gonna go teach

my kickboxing class.

You're not

teaching anything.

You're not going anywhere.

Honey, it's not safe

out there.

I don't want you

going anywhere.

Stop it.

You're scaring me.

All right, I'm sorry!

What do you want from me?

I want you

to talk to me like

a normal human being.

Okay. Okay. Sweetheart,

did you feel

the earthquake?

Yes.

Good! Good!

I felt the earthquake.

It was an earthquake.

Right.

The fifth one this year.

It's not like it's

the end of the world.

Yes, it is, believe me.

The Santa Monica Mountains

erupted like a volcano.

I was on the freeway,

and I saw spiders

the size of men

raining on hoods

and spitting fire out

of their mouths.

Fire out of their mouths.

Have you

been drinking again?

No.

You know what?

That's it.

I'm calling

Dr. Hertzberg.

Honey, wait.

No, no, no. Stop it.

In the car now.

Honey, stop it.

I am not on anything.

I am completely sober.

I need you

to listen to me.

Sweetheart,

listen to me.

I love you, okay?

I need you to pack

everything that's

important to us.

I want you to take the dog,

I want you take

your jewelry,

and I want you

to pack everything up,

and you have to listen to me,

and we have to leave here.

Colton,

we don't have a dog.

Colton! Colton!

Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait.

What is that for?

I'm going to get Wyatt.

Honey, did you call him or not?

Okay, okay.

I was standing here,

talking to you.

He said he was

going to Travis'.

Oh, damn. Then he's probably

downtown riding bikes.

Look, just stay

in the house.

If he comes back,

you keep him here.

You got it?

Circuits are busy.

Well, just keep trying.

And tell everybody

to stay off the freeway.

All right, get this.

Get this.

Here he goes.

Here he goes.

Whoo!

Ah, wicked, man!

Hey, dawg. I didn't

know you were coming.

Glad you could

make it out.

Hey, Jordan.

Sick move, man.

Thanks.

Yeah.

Should have been here

five minutes ago.

Yeah. You should've seen.

My girl was sick.

So are you

riding with us today?

Yeah, for sure, if it's

cool with you guys.

Of course.

Hell, yeah.

Oh, right on. Let's go.

Don't even think

about it.

I've been trying forever

to get her out here.

What did I do?

Gave her a flirty smile.

I did?

Yeah.

Oh, okay. Well, um,

Eli's the one

riding with her

right now,

so you might wanna

go jump in on that.

Dude, I don't care

about Eli.

Don't mess this up

for me, man.

Dude, relax.

It's--It's good.

Come on. Let's just--

Come on. Let's ride.

Whoa!

Dude.

What just happened?

Whoa, did you guys

see that?

That was big.

Yeah. Let's check it out.

Are you coming?

What? Um...

yeah. Yeah.

Hey, it's Wyatt.

I'm not here right now.

Leave a message.

Damn it.

Damn. Oh. What the--

What the...

Are you kidding me?

My God!

Hello.

Hey, Doris.

It's Olivia.

You're checking up

on me, aren't you?

I'm fine, darling.

40 years here,

and I swear

I'll never get used

to these earthquakes.

I know, right?

Hey, listen, is your power

out over there?

Yeah,

couple minutes ago.

Must be

the whole neighborhood.

You need candles?

No, no, no, I'm good.

You okay?

I don't know.

Colton was just here,

and he was ranting

about some kind of

a disaster, and it actually

shook me up a little.

Earthquakes, fires,

rolling blackouts,

mudslides,

the Governator.

We're Californians.

We've been

through worse.

Yeah, I guess.

Is he still home?

No, no. He went

to go get Wyatt.

They're gonna be back

in little bit.

What now?

Olivia, can you

hold on a second?

Coco's barking.

I need to see

what's going on.

Yeah, sure.

Coco.

Coco!

Where are you?

Coco, where are you?

Where have you gone?

Why--

Doris?

Doris!

Whoa.

Hold on.

Whoa, look at that.

Wow.

Whoa, guys.

Hold up. Hold up.

Hold up.

Oh, man.

Who you think

happened here?

The ground just started

breaking up.

Looks like

a bomb hit.

What?

Hold up.

You smell that?

That smells

like gas.

Guys, let's get

out of here.

Yeah, I'm with Wyatt.

Come on.

Go! Go!

Wyatt! Wyatt!

Jordan, hold on!

Come on! Come on!

Something bit me.

Can you ride?

Go!

Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go!

Come on.

Yo!

Yo, stop!

Yo! Yo! Yo!

Stop!

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Please stop!

What the heck

is that guy doing there?

Hey!

Oh, my God.

Hey! Hey, hey!

Everyone...

Hey, stop!

Stop! Hey!

It's the Red Rocket

himself, Colton West!

Hey!

Look, look, no time

for a tour, okay?

Did you not see

the volcano?

There's a catastrophe

going on.

No, no,

it's just a little

earthquake, Colton.

No. No. It's not

a little earthquake, man.

You guys

are in a lot of trouble.

You gotta get out of here.

You gotta get these people

to a safe place.

Look, what's your name?

Joe.

Joe?

Okay, Joe. Joe, I need--

Joe, I need

your focus on me, okay?

Joe, I need to get

downtown to get my son.

Can you help me?

But just first,

just get

a quick little selfie.

Do you mind?

No, Joe, we don't

have time for pictures.

My wife would

just love this.

Joe, just please--

just take me downtown.

No, wait! Right.

No, no. No, better!

You and the bus.

It would be,

like, awesome PR,

just right there

in front of the bus.

Great, Joe.

Joe, a shot right here,

right?

Oh, you look nice.

Need to move back

a little bit, Joe.

Okay, okay, okay.

Move back a little bit, Joe.

Okay, just keep moving back.

Okay.

Yeah, keep moving back.

I got it.

Yeah, yeah.

It's called a wide shot.

A wide shot?

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