Lavalantula Page #3

Wide shot, Joe.

Yeah, yeah. Movie talk, Joe.

Okay.

Movie talk. You're gonna

be making a movie with me.

I'm making a movie

with Colton West.

And then

you know what, Joe?

Another movie talk

is camera left.

That way. Exactly, Joe.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, so...

Yeah. Turn that way,

and look...

Turn?

towards the trees, Joe.

Aim the camera that way?

That's it.

Okay.

Aim toward--You know,

I'm gonna say, "Action,"

Joe, like a movie.

We're making

a great movie, Joe.

Okay.

This is just so awesome.

I mean, I'm such

a big fan of...

And don't move

until I say, "Action."

The second one

not so much,

but the first one was--

Action!

Hey!

Hey!

My bus! Ahh!

Colton West took my bus!

Thank you very much.

I apologize

for taking control

of your bus,

but as you may

or may not know,

there was an earthquake

today in Los Angeles

that was caused

by some sort of

volcanic activity

in the Santa Monica

Mountains.

Lava spiders erupted

from these mountains,

spiders,

spiders as big as men,

and they rained down

on all of Los Angeles.

Colton, banzai!

Thanks, kid.

Banzai to you, too.

This way!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Follow me. Come on.

Go! Go!

Hurry up! Come on!

Eli!

I'm coming! I'm com--

Eli!

Eli, no!

Eli!

Eli, no!

Wyatt, let's go!

Aah! Aah!

What?!

What the hell!

Travis!

Travis, here!

Come here.

Come here.

Let me...

Jordan! Jordan!

Dude, don't leave me.

I'm right here!

Don't touch it.

Just get me

out of here, okay?

Did you see what

those things did to Eli?

What the hell

are those things?

I don't know, man.

It bit me.

It bit you?

What bit you?

I said I don't know, man!

Okay, listen.

Just stay here for a second.

Okay. You watch her.

Hey, can you do that?

Okay, I'm gonna get

the first-aid kit.

Okay.

I'm burnt so bad.

Doris, are you in there?

It's Olivia.

Doris, are...

What the...

Oh, my God. What...

Wyatt.

Oh, man, the Red Rocket

is driving my tour bus.

Somebody pinch me!

Thanks a lot, kid.

I appreciate it.

Uh, listen, I know that you

hear this all the time,

but I am your biggest fan.

Yeah.

Hi. I'm Chris.

Chris.

Yeah.

Not a good time to talk.

No, no, I know.

With the earthquakes

and everything

and the spiders.

There are spiders, buddy.

No, no, no, I know.

Big as your freaking body.

Big as my body.

The thing is, is that I've

watched all your movies.

I know all your lines.

Nice tattoo. Yah!

Look, Chris, this is

not a good time

to discuss film.

Sure.

Sure, sure, sure, sure.

But seriously,

am I on, like,

a hidden-camera show

or something?

'Cause I could have swore

I saw a camera right there.

Yeah. Yeah.

There's cameras

everywhere. Look...

I knew it.

you want to be

a good boy,

tell everybody

to sit down and hold on.

All right, I need everybody

to hold on and sit down.

Colton West,

action hero!

Yeah. See,

the problem is that,

like, 90% of these people

don't speak any English.

Uh, we got a problem

up ahead.

I hate spiders.

Aah! Aah!

What the hell is that?

Oh, homina.

Chris!

What?

Switching.

Really?

No fare, no ride.

Gun! Awesome!

Top!

Ah, there's one on top now.

You gotta do something.

I am doing something.

Do that thing like you did

in that movie.

Chris, you know

the difference between

real life and movies?

No!

Darn.

Well, what did I do?

I don't know.

You, like, pulled

the emergency brake,

and it did

something cool.

Oh, yeah.

Whoo!

Colton West, I love you!

Ah ha.

I love you, too.

Me, too.

Calm down, Chris.

Okay.

I'm not

getting anything.

How the hell are

we supposed to know

what's going on outside

if we don't have

any cell service?

Where did you

find that?

Are you sure you know

what you're doing?

You have to trust me, okay?

We need to treat this.

I know. I know.

I know. I know.

You know, when I was

a little kid, I used

to come here all the time.

They would film

a ton n n of movies here,

and when my dad was shooting,

he would bring me on set.

All right, This is really

gonna hurt, all right?

Ohh! Oh, you think?

What the heck

are those things?

Ah, they look

like spiders.

Spiders aren't

that big.

Spiders don't spray

hot lava.

Spiders--

I don't know, man. I don't know.

It looked like

some kind of spider, though.

Oh, it burns so bad.

We gotta get some help.

Maybe if we go up higher,

we'd get some cell service,

something.

Sure as hell ain't

going back outside.

Okay.

You guys smell that?

They're trying

to get in.

They're trying

to get in! Let's get

out of here!

Okay. We gotta go.

We gotta go.

Come on. Can you walk?

Do I have a choice?

No.

Come on.

Come on. Let's go.

Let's go. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Crap.

As we continue

to bring you coverage

of the L.A. eruptions,

new details are emerging

by the minute.

We've got exclusive footage

of the damage from this

amazing volcanic activity.

Now, the entire area

around the 405

is closed from the 110

to the I-5

while rescue crews scramble

to evacuate survivors

and put out fires

that are spreading

across the Sepulveda basin.

Now, this one can be filed

under only in Hollyweird.

We have unconfirmed reports

of a new breed of arachnids

like these from the Hollywood

blockbuster "Spiders 3D"

that have supposedly

been attacking Angelenos.

That's right.

Large, seemingly

prehistoric spiders

have been emerging

from the chaos,

and for more of this,

we're gonna go to Sue Schnell

and her crew,

who finally have been moved

to a safer location.

Sue, what can you tell us?

That's right, Dan.

As you can see behind me here,

the National Guard

has been called in

to work

with local law enforcement

to establish a safe perimeter

around the disaster zone.

Although I haven't seen

anything myself,

social media is all over this,

with reports of giant

fire-breathing spiders

that have only added

to the mayhem

that has gripped the region.

Excuse me?

In other news, related or not,

Colton West has apparently

hijacked a tour bus.

Folks, we'll be back

in just a minute.

What?

Ohh.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Let's do this.

What are you waiting for?

You messed

with the wrong house.

I wanna get

a picture with the spider.

Uh, Mr. West,

what do you think

is in the blood

of these things?

I don't want

to study 'em, Chris.

I just want

to kill 'em.

Yeah. Well,

whatever it is,

it's eating

through the bus.

What do you think happens

when it hits gas?

Hang on, everybody.

Hang on!

Everybody off!

Go!

Everybody off!

Go! Go! Go!

Everybody

off now!

Go! Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go!

I'm last.

Go! Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go! Go!

Get off!

Let's go!

Come on!

Oh, my God!

Everybody's off

that bus, aren't they?

Yeah.

Clear the area!

You saved us.

No.

You're the man!

I didn't save anybody.

Yeah.

We still got act two

and act three to go.

Movie talk.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Movie talk.

But now for many Angelenos

who are used to the shaking

and the fires,

it's as if nothing

is happening,

and for that story,

we have Ed Mendez

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