Lavalantula Page #4

on Hollywood Boulevard.

Ed, what can you tell us?

Thanks, Dan. And it is true

that business and

leisure go on as usual,

and most people

either haven't heard

about these disasters

across town,

or they simply

don't believe it,

but that is quickly changing.

Now, we are just blocks away

from where a tour bus exploded,

rocking Hollywood Boulevard,

shattering windows,

and setting off car alarms.

There is so much smoke

in the area.

This is as close as we can

possibly get to the scene,

but I can tell you this much.

Some of the passengers

were terrified,

and they're claiming

that creatures

they believe are spiders

attacked their bus,

a literal avalanche

of lava-breathing spiders,

lavalantulas.

Were there any casualties

in this explosion?

No. Apparently Colton West,

who we're hearing hijacked that

very bus just moments earlier,

was able to get everybody

to safety before it blew.

Thank you, Ed.

Okay. We're gonna

bring you more

from the Santa Monica

Mountains,

where the fire crews

are struggling

to contain the chaos.

Come on. Come on.

Okay, okay.

Okay, I need a break.

I need a break.

All right, all right.

Grab that. Grab that.

Come on. Sit down.

Okay.

Ah, jeez.

Still no signal.

Wonder if

the cell towers

are all out?

The roof is gonna

be our only chance

to get out of here.

But If all

the cell towers are out,

how are we gonna

get in touch with anyone?

I gotta flag down

a helicopter

or something.

I don't even know.

Hey, Wyatt,

come here for a second.

What?

Dude, I think

I should stay here with her

while you go call for help.

Okay. Okay.

Yeah, that's good.

Cool. All right.

All right.

Good luck, man.

Come here. Come here.

Easy.

Travis, are you

trying to hit on her?

Dude, you did the whole

bandage hero thing back there.

Gotta get

my game in sometime.

Travis. Travis,

she's injured.

There are

fire-breathing spiders

chasing us right now.

What is wrong with you?

Come on, man.

It's my only angle, okay?

It's your only angle?

You gotta

be kidding me.

Mm-hmm. Yep.

Okay, we gotta go.

Come on.

Come on. Let's get

out of here.

This is a mandatory evac,

boys.

No one is to be

left behind.

you understand?

If you see

any of those spiders,

you don't even hesitate.

You shoot to kill.

Got it.

Rico, Lance, I want you

to take the north side

of the street.

Hernandez, I want you

to come with me.

All right, let's go.

All right, let's go.

Move it. Move it.

What took you

so long?

We gotta get you

out of here.

We're evacuating

the whole neighborhood.

Lead the way.

The scale

of casualties is terrifying...

Any luck?

No. You got a phone?

No.

What's his name?

Wyatt.

Like Wyatt Earp?

Yeah, like Wyatt Earp.

So what's next?

Next?

Next is you go home.

No.

You go to Kansas

or Louisiana

or Wyoming,

and you get safe.

That's what next.

Des Moines. Yeah.

Des Moines.

Argh, maties.

Who wants their photo

with Pirate Jack?

Argh!

Colton West?

Yeah.

It's me,

Dave Alexander.

I did stunts

on "Swamp Justice"...

Dave!

like, 20 years ago.

Dave Alexander,

yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

You look great.

Thanks.

I--I lost an arm

on the set

a couple years ago.

Stunt went bad.

Sorry to hear

about it. You got

pigeonholed, huh?

Yeah. Not a lot of work

for a one-armed stunt guy.

Look, Dave, we got

a problem here!

I know.

I saw your bus.

Phew!

No, we--

Look, I got this.

Pirate Jack.

Dave.

Dave, sorry.

This city is

in great danger, okay?

The earthquakes

are unleashing giant spiders

that are attacking

the city.

You don't know

about this?

Oh, the helicopters

and the smoke and all?

I just figured it was

another fire in the hills.

No. There's a volcano

in the hills the size

of Vesuvius.

So this spider thing's

for real?

Yes.

Look, Pirate Jack,

we just need to get

downtown to his son.

You got a car,

a truck, anything?

Yeah, I can give you a lift.

Great.

Let's go get a beer.

It's been too long.

We don't have time.

Dave, please,

take me downtown.

All right, Colt. Jeez.

It's happening again.

These earthquakes are

getting on my nerves.

You find somewhere safe.

We gotta warn people.

What about the ride?

Get off the street!

Go!

Everybody,

get off the street!

Take cover!

Everybody,

get off the street!

Get off the street!

Look, make sure

everybody finds cover

and everybody gets safe.

You got me?

Yeah.

Okay.

So, I'm--

I'm, like,

your costar.

Yeah,

You're my costar.

Yeah.

Right, right.

Just meet me

back here.

Don't lose me!

Okay. Okay.

Get the hell

out of here!

Dan, I have to tell you,

there is a growing feeling...

This is an emergency!

that these reports

of spiders

are actually

part of publicity stunt

for an upcoming

Hollywood blockbuster.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

Run!

Everybody get off

the streets!

Girls, get off the streets!

There are giant spiders!

Everybody,

get off the street!

Get off the street!

Hey--

Hey. Hey!

Colton West! Nice shotgun.

Yeah!

I know you.

I know you from--

Look, you gotta

get off the streets.

There's giant spiders

everywhere.

I'd love to help you, but I

got shark problems right now.

Yeah! Yeah.

You're welcome, kid.

Yeah!

Die! Die! Die!

Gotta get outta here.

Yeah.

This way!

Get in!

Jack.

Go! Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Keep moving, people.

On the truck.

On the truck.

Go ahead, too.

All the way to the front.

All the way to the front.

Let's go.

Come on.

Get everybody in.

Take your time. Let's go.

Where are we going?

We're going

out of the city.

How bad is this?

It's bad. The city's

completely unstable.

Los Angeles is under

a military evac.

No, no, no. Wait. Wait.

I--I can't just leave.

My family is still out there.

All right. You don't

have a choice,

all right?

This is martial law.

Excuse me?

Listen,

I'm sorry, ma'am.

This is completely

unprecedented.

We weren't prepared

for this.

I'm not leaving

without my family.

I need to find them.

We'll find your family,

I promise you,

if they're still alive.

Move it up, sir!

Move it out! Let's go!

Hey, what happened

to your parrot?

How could you possibly

care about something

like that now?

Giant spiders

are trying to kill us.

I didn't think

you guys were serious

about these.

Well, of course

we're serious.

Oh, they took out

the Blue Oyster.

I love that place.

Jack, just get us

downtown.

How is this even

possible? How is

this happening?

Well, you know,

just last week,

they found a new species

of wasp in the Chinese jungle,

eight-inch wingspan,

four-inch stinger.

Well, these things

are a lot bigger

than eight inches!

I'm just saying.

New species, my ass.

This is that

Japanese radiation leak

making its way over.

Guys, let's stop

discussing biology!

Get me downtown

so I can get my son!

Come on.

We gotta go faster.

Come on.

I can't. I can't

go any further.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I need to sit down.

Okay. Whoa.

Sit down.

It hurts so bad.

What, is it too tight?

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