Leap Year Page #2

l may have underestimated

the storm just a little bit,

but I'm afraid

we are being diverted to Cardiff, Wales,

as Dublin Airport

has been shut down.

What?

Once landed, ground staff

will be happy to book you onto connecting flights

in order to get you

to your final destination.

Wales? No, we can't

land in Wales.

At least

we're landing.

Yes, but I'm on

a schedule.

Excuse me.

Yeah, l need to get through.

Cardiff, Wales Airport regrets to announce

that due to

inclement weather,

all flights today

have been canceled.

I'm sorry, there's

nothing very much l can do about it.

I'm so sorry.

Yeah, could you move?

There are

no more flights until tomorrow.

No flights until tomorrow?

Tomorrow, madam.

Tomorrow.

l think

that's what l said. Didn't l, Beryl?

That is what

you said.

Well, no, that's not

going to work for me.

Look. I'm going to Dublin

to propose to my boyfriend on the 29th, leap day.

It's an old Irish tradition,

and l need to buy a dress

and find a ring

and book a restaurant.

So, between us girls,

l think you can see

why l really need to be there today.

Oh! Right.

Right!

Beryl, will you ring

Dublin International Airport

and get them

to open a runway especially for madam?

Right away.

We regret to announce that

all commercial passenger ferries to Ireland

have been canceled.

Will all passengers

booked for the crossing to Ringaskiddy

please report to

the information desk?

Hi. I'd like a ticket

to Cork, please.

Ferry's canceled.

What is wrong

with this country?

l usually blame

the government,

but this one's

the weather. Storm, see?

Well, we'll just

see about that. I'll find my own boat.

We're going

to have to go in to Dingle.

But l paid for Cork!

Okay. Dingle will do.

You can take the man

out of the fish,

but you can't take

the fish out of the water!

That a good one,

Dekko?

Hello.

Are you open?

Australian.

South African.

Actually, she's American.

Anna, from Boston.

l just need someone

to tell me how to get to Dublin from here.

Is there a bus, maybe?

I'm sorry?

The year

the last Dublin bus left Dingle.

No, no, no. The train

stopped running in '87.

The bus stopped

running in 1989.

It was 1987.

Okay.

Is there a taxi service

or something?

Perfect. Thank you.

My battery's going

to die any second.

Ma'am.

Oh, thank you.

Hello there.

Hello.

Hello?

Hello. Yes, l need

a taxi to Dublin.

Yeah, where you

calling from?

I'm in a funny little pub

called the Carack or, l don't know, Caragh?

Carahg?

Whatever.

We don't drive

American redheads.

What do you mean

you don't drive American redheads?

How do you know

the color of my hair?

Of course.

You're the taxi driver. Well, l need you...

l need you

to drive me to Dublin.

Dublin, is it?

Mmm.

Well, I'll tell you

something about Dublin, Anna from Boston.

Dublin is a city

of chancers and cheats and backstabbing snakes.

It's where the worst

of humanity collects to poison this fair country.

l wouldn't drive you

to Dublin if you were to offer me 500.

Jesus! I'd sell

me wife for 500!

Trust me,

you'd have few takers.

All right.

Anyone else want to go to Dublin for 500?

I'm your man, missus!

It's bad luck

to start a journey on a Friday.

Saturday. It's bad luck

to start a journey on a Saturday.

Tuesday!

No, it's Sunday,

to be sure.

Fine. It's late.

I'll just find

somebody to drive me in the morning.

So, if one of you

can direct me to the nearest hotel?

Or bed and breakfast?

Of course. Of course.

This is also the hotel.

Bathroom's down the hall.

You have to flush it twice. Seriously, twice.

Just like

the Four Seasons.

Okay.

l noticed a menu

on the bar?

It's closed.

Closed.

But given the famous

Irish tradition

of hospitality

and generosity...

I'll do you

a hang sandwich.

What's a hang?

Hang is a verb.

It's not a sandwich.

It did die. Of course.

Huh!

There we go.

Hey,

the lights are gone!

Oh, Jesus,

the lights failed again.

Women!

It's over now.

For the love of God.

What the hell you doing?

Plugging something in.

Give me that.

It's personal.

You fried my BlackBerry.

You fried the whole

village! Idiot!

Jackass.

You're here in Ireland?

Yeah.

l wanted to surprise you,

but it's turned into a complete disaster.

At this point I'm just glad

somebody knows where l am.

l mean, seriously, you have no

idea what passes for a hotel out here,

or common courtesy.

l can't wait

to see you.

Well, l can't wait

to see you, either.

Well, when will

you get here?

l should be there

this afternoon. l just need to get a cab.

Great surprise, honey.

I love you.

l love you, too. Bye.

Sorry, Declan,

you've had plenty of time to pay your debt.

But I'm almost there.

I'm down to the last of the bloody interest.

Come on, Tommo,

be reasonable, would you?

You can't take

the blessed kitchen!

You'll put me

out of business!

The whole lot,

or the kitchen goes in the back of the van.

Give me a month.

A month? A week.

A week? God!

Ten days, 900,

guaranteed.

A thousand, Dekko.

That's the

old interest right there.

The interest on

the interest on the... Oh, man.

Ten days, 1,.

Okay. Okay.

You'll have it.

You have my word.

Done.

Later.

All right, lads.

Come on, then, let's do it.

But only 'cause you're desperate.

I'll drive you

to Dublin.

Will you get out?

500, like you said.

Yes or no?

You're not a fan

of Dublin.

You've made that very clear,

so l won't inconvenience you.

It's not

inconvenient at all.

What part of "get out"

do you not understand?

A simple yes

or no will do.

Yes, you can

drive me, now...

Good. Be outside

in 10 minutes.

God!

Naked here!

By the way,

it's 100 for the room,

and that includes

the vandalism.

I'll leave you to it.

Naked here.

There you are, Bob.

Hop in.

Please tell me that

that is the car

that is taking us

around the corner to the actual taxi.

I'll have you know

that is a Renault 4. She's classic!

Worst fears confirmed.

She's rock solid right there!

Beautiful. Come on.

None of those

fancy airbags to get in the way.

Don't listen to her.

She knows not what she says.

Do you mind?

Ah! Sure.

Thank you.

How does that work?

Can you be careful with that?

That was a gift from my boyfriend.

He bought you

a suitcase?

It's a Vuitton.

What?

A Louis Vuitton?

Come on.

Is it yourself, Louis? Can l give

you a hand getting into the car, Louis?

She named her suitcase.

She's a crackpot.

You can't

go now, missus.

Why not?

A black cat just

crossed your path.

You can't start a journey

when you see a black cat.

Ten years bad luck.

No, it's not a cat,

it's a magpie.

Anyway,

it's 15 years bad luck.

Thirteen!

It's 12,

definitely 12.

Then l guess

it's a good thing l don't believe in luck, so...

Well, you ought to,

if you're getting into that, you.

Safe journey.

May the road

rise up to meet you.

See you, lads!

Good luck, Declan!

Bye, now.

l tell you

something,

they'll kill

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