Learning to Drive Page #3

- Yes sir.

What have we got?

How come they let you in, Darwan?

Political asylum, sir.

In 2000.

You got in under the wire.

Preet!

Preet!

Oh my God...!

Preet!

Preet? Preet Preet Preet.

Preet.

Oh, my God...!

- I'm sick of this.

- Take your time, Take your time, they're gone.

Really thought they had me this time.

Oh! They took Teji and Raam.

Thank God you're safe.

Only till next time.

I will find us another place.

No.

I'm gonna live with my girlfriend in Chinatown.

You have a girlfriend?

They won't look for me if I'm with her.

She is Jewish.

Come on, Uncle D,

You had to know that I was going sometime, right?

This is a very poor decision.

My sister will blame me.

Don't worry, I'll just tell her: "Maji,

This is America,

And I can do what I want...

As long as they don't ask for my papers.

Point your eyes at the middle of the lane, the same as a gun.

Your peripheral vision sees all the rest.

Oh! Osama.

I thought we killed you.

Shut up!

A**holes!

A**holes! Shut the fu...

- Does that happen to you often?

- Everyday.

People try to push your buttons...

But you don't engage with them, especially when you drive.

Now... you're on top of a cross-walk...

Next time...

Stop where you can see the lines.

You have the light.

Get out of the way, a**hole.

Oh my God, God...

Damn it!

Don't lean on the horn.

It's not a boat. Just a short tap.

I just...I don't understand why men have to do that!

Wag their balls in your face?

I think it's time to discuss road rage.

You must learn to be calm and relaxed.

Not only to drive,

But also in your life as well.

And how do you manage that?

Prayer helps me.

I pray everyday.

I'm mad at your God too.

I'm mad at your God too.

I'm sorry.

Tell me why you want to drive?

To go somewhere else.

And how do you want to get there?

How?

Do you want to arrive in one piece or two pieces or three?

Don't patronize me.

Look at me.

It doesn't matter what is going on in your life out there.

You must shut it out.

When you are here,

When you are at the wheel of a car...

This is all there is.

Your life right now.

So, take care of it, please.

Hi.

Come on in.

You look fine.

Therefore I am.

So many choices when you are single.

Do I get a one bedroom or a two?

Or.. a high-rise or a low-rise?

We're looking for a place in Nyack.

- That's a long commute

- I enjoy the drive.

You're leaving me "The Joy of Sex"?

Nah! It's yours.

I gave it to you for Valentine's Day.

I don't remember reading it.

Well, you put it in a drawer.

Well, hand it here,

Let's see if there is anything we didn't cover.

The missionary.

Check.

Standing.

Check.

Rear entry.

Check.

Okay, I guess that's it.

According .

Tasha was what? Six?

She was eight.

Okay.

This is hard.

Yes.

I am finding I can do hard things.

- I'm learning to drive, you know?

- Oh, that's a scary thought.

I can drive,

I can keep a clean house and...

- Hey...

- I can wear a tight skirt.

I can make cherry pop.

- And I can make you love me again.

- No.

I can...I can...

I can give you what you need.

Wendy, come on now.

This... This just isn't you.

Since when...?

Since when did you become a lap dancer?

Oh my God...

Sweet heart. Don't.

Nice.

Hold on.

Holy sh*t!

I'm here, I'm here,

I'm coming! I'm coming!

- I don't wanna hear it, pal.

- Sorry, Sorry.

My wife just kicked me out.

And I got a bunch of sh*t in the car.

- Not my problem. Read the sign.

- Dude, come on please, man.

- You know the drill.

- You can't take it!

Damn!

She's not that kind of a woman.

And how do you know?

She would be modest, I think.

This would shock her.

Trust me, Uncle D.

- All women, they want these things.

- No no.

I don't want her to get the idea that this is how I think of her.

It's disrespectful.

Oh come on. It's bad enough that you don't understand women.

But you don't even understand yourself.

Just look at it.

Preet.

It's distracting.

Huh! Distracting.

Oh Sh*t. Sorry.

No, no.

No, no.

Okay.

I'm lost.

Wendy, how do you know if you put in...

Enough salt and pepper when you're making a stew?

- You taste it.

- Right.

So what do you do when you lose track of which way the car is pointing...

When you parallel park?

You taste it?

You just let the car move back a tiny bit...

And see which way it goes.

Taste the direction.

- And then you adjust the seasoning?

- Right.

You adjust a little bit and a little bit.

And now I've made myself hungry.

I'll go home and make myself a curry.

You look very nice today.

Thank you.

Wendy, what does a women like for a gift?

I do not know. Candy or...

Flowers.

Speaking for myself...

A book of poetry.

My husband gave me that on our first date...

And on every anniversary.

He'd mark a certain love poem...

And he ask me to read it...

As he lay his head on my lap.

It was a perfect gift.

It's a fine idea.

What about you?

What present you like?

A check, of course!

- Bye.

- Next time.

Hi.

How can you claim the Moroccan lamp

as a pre-marital asset?

We bought it together, Ted!

Hold on.

Hear that?

That's me tearing it in half....

So now you can shove it up both your ass,

And your lawyer's.

Are they ever gonna fix the air conditioning?

I will take you some place cooler.

Oh my God!

- It is a bridge.

- Yes

Today you are going over a bridge.

I can't. I have a fear of heights.

We'll take it slowly. Now go straight.

Please! Please don't make me do this!

Wendy you must move.

Why do you force me to do this, Darwan?

Why?

Because I know what you can do better than you.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Do not look down,

Focus on the middle of the lane.

It is just another road,

Only it's in the sky.

- Don't look down, don't look down.

- It's terrifying.

Yes terryfying!

Fear is good.

When you are afraid, you pay more attention.

No more tuning out, Wendy.

We got a lot of merging to do.

Thank you.

That was a very nice man.

Very nice man.

You are not breathing properly.

You're hyperventilating.

Breathe.

Now we are on land.

Okay.

You can let go the death grip now.

Congratulations.

Queens is part of New York too.

We don't have skyscrapers, and

Times Square and Trump palaces but...

We only have more people.

Many different people. Families.

You have family here too?

Just my nephew.

My sister's son.

She lives in Punjab.

- Your parents?

- They are dead.

I didn't tell you to turn.

I'm showing you my Queens.

This is where I grew up.

You're from Queens.

You played a good joke on me.

You...

My dad used to sit in his car,

Just like that,

Listening to the game and the radio...

Whenever my mother kicked him out of the house

which was pretty often.

He took off one day.

Never saw him again.

My sister and I were left alone to raise our mother.

I can't believe you got me here.

I'm allergic to Queens.

There will be a reward.

Wait here.

Hi, Dad...

Here I am sitting in your seat.

Mets are playing Arizona.

It's about time you took the wheel.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes