Leatherheads

Hey, Carter, one more

year and you graduate.

- What's waiting for you out there?

- Don't know, Nate.

Get a job, make a couple bucks,

maybe even buy your paper.

- Will you miss football?

- Heck, yeah, I'll miss it,

- but what are you gonna do?

- Beats me.

- Nothing much you can do.

- You could always go pro.

You know, Stump, there are

several time-tested methods

for diverting the defence

from the ball carrier.

Throwing your body in front of

them with a certain amount of force.

- What, you mean blocking?

- Sounds kind of rough.

- You know, that could hurt, Dodge.

- Yes, it could.

Frank? You got to get me a blocker.

I've been thinking the

same thinking, Dodge,

and I'm looking at this high

school kid over at Penrose.

- High school?

- Yeah, but he's mature for his age.

Like Bug over there?

No, forget the water bucket,

Bug. Go and get that ball!

It's the only ball we got.

Get rid of it.

- We're down to the third?

- Yeah.

Let's give them the Rin Tin Tin.

Okay, Coach, we need another ball.

Well, ask them other fellas, why don't

you? That's the only ball we have.

Well, then, you better find one, and

fast, or you're gonna have to forfeit.

Forfeit?

- We're creaming these mutts.

- The home team provides the game ball.

You don't have another ball, you

forfeit the game. That's the rules.

Where's that written?

- It ain't written. It's just the rules.

- Well, I never heard of it.

- Maybe you're going deaf, old man.

Dear, there must be better ways

to promote the starch business.

Tough loss there, Dodge.

Hate to end a home stand

like that on a technicality.

- You ever heard of that rule?

- Me? No. I never heard of any rules.

My point exactly. Goddamn

rules are ruining the game.

Goddamn rules.

Bug, when you're done with the water,

grab my shaving kit from my suitcase.

Grab your own damn shaving kit!

- For Christ's sake, Frank,

how much can a football cost?

You think footballs are

grown out of thin air?

So, you get a few simoleons

from the Starch King.

Hey, Dodge, do I feel hot to you?

- No more than the next man.

- Fever runs in my family, you know.

Everything runs in your

family, Ralph, except your feet.

Look what you made me...

I have to start again.

It's no big joke. You'll make

us miss the train to Milwaukee.

- Milwaukee? What about Akron?

- Akron team folded day before yesterday.

- We gonna play Milwaukee instead.

- I can't go to Milwaukee.

- I got a wrestling match tonight.

- Get out of it.

- It pays $100.

- We'll see you when you get back.

- That's okay. I got this kid coming.

- The high school kid from Penrose?

Yeah. He can only practise after

class, but wait till you see him.

- When's he coming?

- He's gonna meet us

at the Waterford station

when the train stops.

- Hey, I got an extra fin coming my way.

- You lost that last game.

I did not. Dodge, didn't I have this

tooth today when we started the game?

Curly, I learnt long ago never

to stare directly into your face.

Show me the lost tooth,

I'll give you the 5.

If I had it, it wouldn't be lost.

- Ready, Suds?

- Yeah, shoot.

The Duluth Bulldogs lost

to the Toledo Bullets today

in a dirty game of

professional league football,

where a new and dangerous element

has been creeping in, rules.

- Goddamn rules.

- The lone moment of glory came...

Say, Joe.

- Nice hat, Lexie.

Thanks, I just bought it.

Listen, can you get me in a room with

Hank Kelly at the comptroller's desk?

- He won't talk to reporters in fancy hats.

- Hey, Lexie. You going hunting?

It's a very expensive hat,

your whole year's salary.

Harvey wants to see you in his office.

I'd take that mack off

before you go in there.

- You would, would you?

- He might think there's an air raid.

Good, boys, complete sentences.

Next week, let's try paragraphs.

- Say, Pete, see about Hank Kelly, will you?

- He doesn't talk to reporters.

- Say, Harvey.

- Nice piata.

- Don't you start.

- Pull up a chair.

Best seat in the house.

Who are you, Sarge?

Mack Steiner. Lieutenant.

Lexie, I got one for you.

You ever hear of Carter

Rutherford, "the Bullet"?

Football boy? War hero football boy?

Good-looking war hero football boy.

Took time out of

college to fight the war.

Got a whole platoon of

Jerries to surrender.

Just dropped their guns and gave

up from the sound of his voice.

You ought to hire him. Get

rid of this pack of geniuses.

- We're gonna do a story on him.

- What's your angle?

- It ain't true.

- It's all a crock.

The kid's doing radio

shows and advertisements.

He's hired a promoter named CC Frazier

to put himself on the

cover of every magazine.

I like those razors.

- Sure. Who doesn't?

So what's the story, Mack?

I served with him. I was there

in the Argonne. He ain't no hero.

You're gonna meet with Carter and

CC. He's gonna be in town next month.

And you're gonna do a story

on the virtues of the Bullet.

The many virtues!

And then we're gonna break the

myth of the War Hero Bullet.

Listen, you got fellas

who'd be perfect for this.

Three Knickerbockers

out there, for instance,

who'd trade their high school

diplomas for a crack at it.

- It's not my kind of story.

- Lexie,

CC Frazier wants the Chicago

Tribune to do a story on his protg.

We're gonna oblige him,

and you're gonna do it.

Can I talk to you alone for a minute?

Captain, would you excuse us?

It's Lieutenant. I'll wait in the hall.

Thanks, Lieutenant.

Why me?

Because it's a big story

and you're the best.

Thought you'd say it's 'cause I

have the best legs in the office.

No, Joe does.

Okay, Harvey, I'll make you a deal.

If I throw some facts together

about this Bombshell...

- Bullet.

- Bullet.

- And we chop down his apple tree...

- You get the assistant editor's desk.

Okay, Chief.

You get Mack's story, and

I'll get you your Bullet.

"The lone moment of glory

came in the 4th quarter,

"when Jimmy 'Dodge' Connelly

lateraled to Bakes Davis,

"who ran through a trio

of open-field tackles

"and into the Duluth end zone.

"And whereas the hotly disputed

contest will go down in the books

"as a Toledo victory, the hearts

and minds of all who witnessed

"the classic gridiron confrontation

were clearly won by the Duluth Bulldogs."

- Awfully good, Suds.

- Sure is a great thing to read, Suds.

When the muse strikes,

who am I to resist?

It's almost like you were

playing the game yourself.

What I try to achieve in my

prose is a sense of flight.

Now that's a crowd, ain't it, Dodge?

Sure is. We didn't have crowds

like that when I was in school.

You went to college?

- Colleges.

Waterford! Waterford next!

Waterford next!

Waterford!

Is that Big Gus Schiller?

- How you doing, boy?

- Hey, how you doing?

Here, get in this car.

Boys, I want you to be

meeting our newest player.

This is Big Gus Schiller

from Penrose High School.

Hi. How you doing? How's it going?

- So you're in high school, are you?

- Yeah.

Got held back, did you?

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