Leatherheads
Hey, Carter, one more
year and you graduate.
- What's waiting for you out there?
- Don't know, Nate.
Get a job, make a couple bucks,
maybe even buy your paper.
- Will you miss football?
- Heck, yeah, I'll miss it,
- but what are you gonna do?
- Beats me.
- Nothing much you can do.
You know, Stump, there are
several time-tested methods
for diverting the defence
from the ball carrier.
Throwing your body in front of
them with a certain amount of force.
- What, you mean blocking?
- Sounds kind of rough.
- You know, that could hurt, Dodge.
- Yes, it could.
Frank? You got to get me a blocker.
I've been thinking the
same thinking, Dodge,
and I'm looking at this high
school kid over at Penrose.
- High school?
- Yeah, but he's mature for his age.
Like Bug over there?
Bug. Go and get that ball!
It's the only ball we got.
Get rid of it.
- We're down to the third?
- Yeah.
Let's give them the Rin Tin Tin.
Okay, Coach, we need another ball.
Well, ask them other fellas, why don't
you? That's the only ball we have.
Well, then, you better find one, and
fast, or you're gonna have to forfeit.
Forfeit?
- The home team provides the game ball.
You don't have another ball, you
forfeit the game. That's the rules.
Where's that written?
- It ain't written. It's just the rules.
- Maybe you're going deaf, old man.
Dear, there must be better ways
to promote the starch business.
Tough loss there, Dodge.
Hate to end a home stand
like that on a technicality.
- You ever heard of that rule?
- Me? No. I never heard of any rules.
My point exactly. Goddamn
rules are ruining the game.
Goddamn rules.
Bug, when you're done with the water,
grab my shaving kit from my suitcase.
Grab your own damn shaving kit!
- For Christ's sake, Frank,
how much can a football cost?
grown out of thin air?
So, you get a few simoleons
from the Starch King.
Hey, Dodge, do I feel hot to you?
- No more than the next man.
- Fever runs in my family, you know.
Everything runs in your
family, Ralph, except your feet.
Look what you made me...
I have to start again.
It's no big joke. You'll make
us miss the train to Milwaukee.
- Milwaukee? What about Akron?
- Akron team folded day before yesterday.
- We gonna play Milwaukee instead.
- I can't go to Milwaukee.
- I got a wrestling match tonight.
- Get out of it.
- It pays $100.
- We'll see you when you get back.
- That's okay. I got this kid coming.
- The high school kid from Penrose?
Yeah. He can only practise after
class, but wait till you see him.
- When's he coming?
- He's gonna meet us
at the Waterford station
when the train stops.
- Hey, I got an extra fin coming my way.
- You lost that last game.
I did not. Dodge, didn't I have this
tooth today when we started the game?
Curly, I learnt long ago never
to stare directly into your face.
Show me the lost tooth,
I'll give you the 5.
If I had it, it wouldn't be lost.
- Ready, Suds?
- Yeah, shoot.
in a dirty game of
professional league football,
where a new and dangerous element
has been creeping in, rules.
- Goddamn rules.
- The lone moment of glory came...
Say, Joe.
- Nice hat, Lexie.
Thanks, I just bought it.
Listen, can you get me in a room with
Hank Kelly at the comptroller's desk?
- He won't talk to reporters in fancy hats.
- Hey, Lexie. You going hunting?
It's a very expensive hat,
your whole year's salary.
Harvey wants to see you in his office.
I'd take that mack off
before you go in there.
- You would, would you?
- He might think there's an air raid.
Good, boys, complete sentences.
Next week, let's try paragraphs.
- Say, Pete, see about Hank Kelly, will you?
- He doesn't talk to reporters.
- Say, Harvey.
- Nice piata.
- Don't you start.
- Pull up a chair.
Best seat in the house.
Who are you, Sarge?
Mack Steiner. Lieutenant.
Lexie, I got one for you.
You ever hear of Carter
Rutherford, "the Bullet"?
Football boy? War hero football boy?
Good-looking war hero football boy.
Took time out of
college to fight the war.
Jerries to surrender.
Just dropped their guns and gave
up from the sound of his voice.
You ought to hire him. Get
rid of this pack of geniuses.
- We're gonna do a story on him.
- What's your angle?
- It ain't true.
- It's all a crock.
The kid's doing radio
shows and advertisements.
He's hired a promoter named CC Frazier
to put himself on the
cover of every magazine.
I like those razors.
- Sure. Who doesn't?
So what's the story, Mack?
I served with him. I was there
in the Argonne. He ain't no hero.
You're gonna meet with Carter and
CC. He's gonna be in town next month.
And you're gonna do a story
on the virtues of the Bullet.
The many virtues!
And then we're gonna break the
myth of the War Hero Bullet.
Listen, you got fellas
who'd be perfect for this.
Three Knickerbockers
out there, for instance,
diplomas for a crack at it.
- It's not my kind of story.
- Lexie,
Tribune to do a story on his protg.
and you're gonna do it.
Can I talk to you alone for a minute?
It's Lieutenant. I'll wait in the hall.
Thanks, Lieutenant.
Why me?
Because it's a big story
and you're the best.
Thought you'd say it's 'cause I
have the best legs in the office.
No, Joe does.
Okay, Harvey, I'll make you a deal.
If I throw some facts together
about this Bombshell...
- Bullet.
- Bullet.
- And we chop down his apple tree...
- You get the assistant editor's desk.
Okay, Chief.
You get Mack's story, and
I'll get you your Bullet.
"The lone moment of glory
came in the 4th quarter,
"when Jimmy 'Dodge' Connelly
lateraled to Bakes Davis,
"who ran through a trio
of open-field tackles
"and into the Duluth end zone.
"And whereas the hotly disputed
contest will go down in the books
"as a Toledo victory, the hearts
and minds of all who witnessed
"the classic gridiron confrontation
were clearly won by the Duluth Bulldogs."
- Awfully good, Suds.
- Sure is a great thing to read, Suds.
When the muse strikes,
who am I to resist?
It's almost like you were
playing the game yourself.
What I try to achieve in my
prose is a sense of flight.
Now that's a crowd, ain't it, Dodge?
Sure is. We didn't have crowds
like that when I was in school.
You went to college?
- Colleges.
Waterford! Waterford next!
Waterford next!
Waterford!
Is that Big Gus Schiller?
- How you doing, boy?
- Hey, how you doing?
Here, get in this car.
Boys, I want you to be
meeting our newest player.
This is Big Gus Schiller
from Penrose High School.
Hi. How you doing? How's it going?
- So you're in high school, are you?
- Yeah.
Got held back, did you?
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"Leatherheads" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 5 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/leatherheads_12366>.
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