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or what game

you're playing, pal,

but my brother died when

he was 19. He drowned.

I know they told you that.

What do you mean?

- He killed himself.

- I tried.

But I f***ed it up. Please,

just listen to me, okay?

I went down to Coney Island,

I scored a ton of smack,

and I shot up,

I walked out into the water.

Next thing I knew,

I had washed up on the shore

down the beach,

I don't know how I got there,

but the next day

the shore patrol...

they probably found the suicide

note I left in my shoes.

The newspaper said

the tide took me out,

I became shark bait.

It happens all the time.

That's probably what

they told Mom and Dad.

Do you remember at my funeral?

Don't talk about

my brother's funeral.

It was a closed coffin, right?

Don't talk about

my brother's funeral.

It had to be a closed casket

because there was no body.

Here's the body. Right here.

I'm the f***ing body.

No, no!

'Cause there was a coffin!

For closure.

For you, for Mom and Dad.

Look, what parent wants to tell

their 14-year-old son

that his older brother's body

was torn apart by boat engines,

by sharks, that there was

nothing left of him to collect.

When's my mother's birthday?

When was my mother's birthday?

September 22nd, 1944.

Where'd my cousin Paul

go to college?

West Point.

Where'd my Aunt Pat live?

Avenue A.

There was a vacuum repair shop

on the ground floor.

She lived on the fifth.

Remember? She had birds?

How do you know this sh*t?

Why are you f***ing with me?

I'm not f***ing with you, Boog.

I know, 'cause it's me.

Henry.

Henry, I'm sorry.

I never meant to hurt you.

I was just a f***ed up kid

with a drug problem

I couldn't control.

The only thing I thought

I could control was ending it.

When I tried

and I f***ed it up,

I said, you know what,

they think I'm dead.

I need to stay dead.

Just stay away.

I knew you'd be f***ed up

for a while, but in time,

you'd all move on, and...

Henry?

For closure.

What makes you

think I'm a writer?

God, help... God, help me.

It's not...

Get in the car.

Get in the f***ing car.

I don't want any trouble,

all right?

Too late for that.

Get in the car.

I am tired and I'm

totally f***ing drained,

but if you don't get in, I'm gonna

throw you in, do you hear me?

Look, I already upset you,

all right?

- Just let me go...

- All right, don't listen to me.

It's fine. Get in the car.

Right now. Get in!

All right.

Calm down. Calm down.

Stay there.

What do we do now?

I just need to think. Okay?

So please, just...

just be quiet.

I never had a car.

This is very nice.

Are you f***ing deaf?

I just said sit there

and be quiet.

Look, for what it's worth,

ever since I went

into that ocean,

my whole goddamn life's

been a lie.

All I've tried to do is

stay in the present moment.

Stay in the present,

stay in the present,

so I could forget

my past, but...

I couldn't.

I thought about you

all the time.

You're so full of sh*t.

All you thought about was where

your next fix was coming from.

You're wrong about that.

I never did drugs again

after my last attempt.

It was kind of a bottom for me.

That's kind of your bottom?

I think shooting up

a ton of heroin

and throwing yourself

in the ocean

is a f***ing bottom, Chris.

I meant I never

went lower than that.

What's lower?

Henry, there is

always something lower.

I mean it.

I really did think

about you all the time.

I tried to live

my whole life in this...

in this state of penance to try

to make up for what I did,

but nothing can fix it.

And you got every reason

to shun me from here on.

You do.

I mean...

I destroyed the first half

of our lives. I did that.

I take responsibility for it.

But you got a chance here.

To repair what's left of them.

I mean this thing,

us running into each other

after 21 years,

it's a miracle.

I mean,

we can't blow this shot.

We got a second chance here.

And I get it if you think

I ain't worth a second chance.

I do.

It'd break my heart,

but I'd get it.

I missed you so much.

I missed you so much.

I missed you, too, Boog.

Bought this a few years ago.

Well, a couple of years

at the moment.

There's nothing

I can do for you.

Married for nine years.

I've read all your books.

We met each other

at a cocktail party.

Man, she's so beautiful.

- What's her name?

- Amy.

Wow.

This is yours?

Yeah, this is ours.

Amy loves it up here, you know?

We're trying to have kids.

She didn't want to raise

them in the city,

so, I don't know.

More space,

could be outside, play.

- Sure.

- All that.

- It's beautiful.

- Yeah, thanks.

Ho-ho. Not bad.

Yeah, not bad.

Must be the smoke detector.

Might need new batteries.

You'll have to excuse the place.

We haven't been here in months.

So, might not be tip-top shape.

Oh, goddamn.

Forgot to turn the phone on.

Your wife must be worried.

She'll be fine

if I call her tomorrow.

Pretty nice, huh?

Very nice.

How often do you

guys get up here?

Oh, boy. Not as much as Amy

would like, that's for sure.

Listen, pal.

Got a bottle of Jim Beam.

Sound good to you?

I mean, do you drink or did

you take a vow against it?

Tonight I drink.

That's what I wanted to hear.

Know what the craziest

thing about all this is?

I thought about you

all the time as a kid.

But I must've thought

about you more this year

than in the last ten

combined, you know?

It's like I f***ing

conjured it.

Why this year?

Well,

I kind of went through a bit

of an ordeal this past year.

Ordeal?

Yeah, a little bout

of stomach cancer.

Oh, Jesus, Boog.

Talk about a swift

kick in the ass.

They caught it early,

they went in.

Partial gastrectomy.

Gave me chemo,

went through the chemo,

and I'm okay.

Pretty good. Knock wood.

How long ago was this?

They came out the other side

about six months ago.

Oh, Jesus, Boog.

I can't imagine what

you went through.

No, no you can't.

Pssh. Thank God for Amy, man.

Man, she was there day and

night, just holding my hand

through everything, just calm.

You were lucky to have her.

You have no idea.

During all this,

you kept coming up.

I kept thinking about us,

you know?

Memories of stuff

we used to do.

Sh*t, I hadn't thought

about in years.

It was fascinating

how my mind worked.

During the illness,

I'd think about trying to use

some of that for the book.

I've heard about this

from other people,

that when they come up

against something

that's too much for them

to handle, that their minds

will protect them

in all these different ways.

Like with... like memories

from a time in their life

when things were good.

I've heard this.

That's exactly,

exactly what happened.

My mind protected me

with this endless flow

of home movies

that just played

in my head of us.

- You know what came back to me?

- What?

This totally floored me.

'Cause I hadn't thought

about it in forever.

Do you remember the trip

we took to that little lake?

It was just me, you and Dad.

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