Leave Page #4

I don't know where

the hell Mom was.

He got this little cabin there

right on the lake.

I remember the best

part of that trip.

There was two best parts,

actually.

One of them is that Dad used

to make you cook lunch.

That's right, yeah.

And what did you make?

Mac and cheese, yeah.

The best mac and cheese ever.

I've tried to make

that mac and cheese.

- Ah.

- Oh, come on. I'm telling ya.

God, love it.

The other one...

this is my favorite.

It's the best part

of the whole thing.

Every morning,

we'd sleep in till about ten.

We'd go down the lake,

all the kids

with their little rafts,

busted up inner tubes.

And you'd go out there,

and you'd rent us

one of those big silver canoes.

The giant ones. You remember?

The brushed aluminum looked like

a f***ing American Airlines jet.

You'd carry it down

over your head

and I'd try to hold

onto the back,

it'd be cracking me in the back

of the head, little pipsqueak.

Oh, those kids looked

at us with so much envy.

'Cause we were going out

in this f***ing battleship.

Me and my big brother.

No one ever f***ed with me when

you were around, you know that?

You were like

a full grown man to me.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

You'd take that thing,

big old boat,

bring it down to the water,

you'd put me in.

I'd sit up right in front

like I'm the captain up there.

And all the kids looking at us

and we'd just row out, man.

We'd start rowing out.

We'd go right past 'em.

We were going all

the way out, man.

All the way to

the other f***ing side.

Just keep going until they

couldn't see us anymore.

That's why I...

I was really overwhelmed

when I got cancer, you know?

'Cause I was going out

on these really dangerous

unchartered waters.

I didn't have anybody

to protect me.

Thing is, that, uh...

I don't know, you're hit

with this blunt force truth

and that is you're alone.

You know, you come in alone,

you go out alone.

You were never really alone.

Well, pretty goddamn lonely.

Sure, but you had your wife.

Yes, I did.

After all that,

you still smoke?

Wasn't lung cancer.

Oh, Jesus.

Before you kick him

with the whole

big brother lecture

about stopping smoking,

just letting you know,

my oncologist tried,

didn't work.

This is your journey, Henry.

I'm just glad to be part of it.

I respect your choices.

Sh*t.

We don't have to be

all glum, right?

I beat it.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

You cold?

No, I'm all right.

I'm freezing.

I'm gonna take a leak.

- Remember this?

- Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, it's... That's... yeah!

That's what I'm

talking about, uh-huh.

You mind if I just dig in here?

Go ahead.

Okay, oh, boy. This is... okay.

All right,

let's see what you got.

Holy sh*t.

What are you...

you motherfucking...

- Good?

- God damn, it's good.

Oh, Jesus, Chris.

I'm gonna eat the whole damn

casserole, that's the problem.

I see the letter opener

and there's nothing I can do.

Bam. It's in me.

I feel every inch of it.

It's just stretching

my guts out.

It's just f***ing awful,

and, and...

and brutal, and f***ing vivid.

What does your therapist say?

What does any shrink say?

He turns it back on me.

He says,

what do you think it means?

I say, I don't know.

Fear of death? Just...

I say, fear of failure.

He says, hmmm.

I say is it fear of sex?

Work? Fear of success?

Fear of the f***ing Red Sox?

He says, Hmmm. Maybe you

should try these pills.

I say, hmmm.

Maybe I'll give them a shot.

It's the same sh*t every time.

What do you think it means?

Okay, you can go f*** yourself.

Oh, oh, oh. Wait a minute.

Check this out.

What? Where you going?

Look at this.

A puzzle.

Oh, yeah.

- Remember these?

- Of course.

You'd start me off

with the easy ones,

then bring me along.

Yeah, remember

the Jackson Pollack?

Yeah, what a pain

in the ass that was.

Yeah, with the splatter paint?

Oh, my god.

I gotta admit, this one

could be a bit more exciting.

I don't know. I kinda like it.

It reminds me of a poem I like.

Yeah? What's the poem?

It goes, the, um,

"The Leaves in an act

of great faith,

"let go of their branches

and fall to the ground

majestically."

Yeah, that's... that's pretty.

What do you think it means?

Could mean a lot

of different things.

That's what makes

it so beautiful.

No, no. Not the poem.

Your nightmare.

I don't know.

You know, why live with it?

The more I realize it's not

death that I'm afraid of,

dying's easy.

Got a real taste of that.

What do you mean?

There's freedom in it.

You know, you don't care.

Everything just falls

out of your focus.

Just not a priority anymore.

No one expects you to worry

about them anymore.

No one expects anything

out of you really,

except to die

with a little grace

and not ask them to speak

at your funeral.

So all these pressures we kill

ourselves with on a daily basis,

all these little dragons

that we're trying to slay,

they all just evaporate,

you know?

All that's left

is the big dragon.

It's so big.

So, overpowering.

And they tell you,

you've got to fight it.

You take the pills

they tell you to take,

you eat the food

they tell you to eat.

You do everything

they tell you to do.

Then you just wait.

You wait to see

if they got it all.

And that is a terrible time.

And I realized that...

sometime's life puts you in

positions where you have no out.

You're waiting

for a phone call...

a phone call.

To determine the outcome

of your life.

What'd that feel like?

I was pissed.

Pissed?

No.

No.

I was afraid.

I was deeply, deeply afraid.

I've been scared

other times in my life.

Nothing compared

to those times.

Every time, you know,

I have the dream,

I relive that feeling.

It's a horrible, horrible thing

to come to the most

important part of your life,

and have no say in the matter.

It's horrible.

It scared the piss out of me.

Well, there it is.

There what is?

What you've been looking for

with what the dream represents.

Maybe it's not about

fear of dying.

Maybe it's about

loss of control.

Maybe, I don't know.

No, Henry.

You've had a breakthrough.

I really think you have.

I think you're ready

to let go of it

and to move on...

to what comes next.

Whatever comes next is gonna

have to wait till tomorrow.

'Cause I'm exhausted.

Look, I got extra bedrooms.

Yeah, couch is fine.

'Night, Chris.

Goodnight, Henry.

Ah, Jesus Christ.

Chris?

Oh, God. Feel like sh*t.

My stomach's killing me.

Chris, come on.

I need you to come out here.

My God.

Hey!

Chris!

Chris!

Amy?

I love you so much.

Amy. Ame. Honey, honey, shhh.

I'm sick. I'm sick.

Amy, I need you

to get me some help.

I think you should call for help.

I can't find Chris.

Amy, I found my brother.

- Hang the phone up.

- Where were you?

- Right here.

- No, no, no.

I was looking for you.

You were on that bridge.

I'm right here.

I didn't go anywhere.

Amy?

- Put down the phone.

- Ame?

- Henry, there's no chance...

- She called me on the phone.

She called me.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes