Leave It to Beaver Page #5

for more detail in the drawings.

For example, clothes.

Fingers. Feet?

I hardly think a few missing fingers

is anything to be alarmed over.

Here in class Theodore is having

a lot of trouble keeping up.

I think his self-image

is really suffering as a result.

I took the liberty of discussing this

matter with our principal, Mrs. Rayburn.

She would like a meeting between your

family and our district psychologist.

- Ward?

- Hmm?

I'm worried

about the Beaver.

So, Theodore, why don't you tell

me a little about yourself?

Well, I'm four foot, three.

I go to school, and I got

some European in my blood.

That's very nice.

Do you enjoy school?

Oh, yes, excepting

for "noman ruminals."

That's a tough one,

all right.

So, what do you

like to do for fun?

I'm a normal kid. I like to do normal

junk just like normal regular kids do.

The Beaver has always shown

a real interest in science.

He's very close

with his brother.

And he plays football

for the Mayfield Mighty Mites.

I didn't know they played

football at that age.

You're never too young to play

a sport that teaches you...

self-confidence,

coordination, discipline.

- Were you a football player, Ward?

- I played some sandlot.

- Interesting.

- [ Ward ] Oh!

Wait a minute. I know what you're doing.

I can assure you you're wrong.

- Wrong about what?

- I'm not one of those fathers.

- What do you mean?

- One of those fathers

who push their kids...

to try to fill the gaps

in their own lives.

No, no.

June, back me up here.

I've always felt that eight was a little

young to be playing such a violent game.

Oh, really?

I do not think this is the time

or place to have this discussion.

Oh, I think learning to have discussions

is exactly why we're here.

No. What you really want

to do is gang up on me...

for pushing my kids

into sports.

Let me remind you that Wally started

playing football the same age as Beaver.

Last year he was M.V.P., an honor

student, president of his class.

I don't know many boys his age who can

whip up a better Spanish omelet, right?

No. I'm not

who you think I am.

I'm a terrible person.

My best friend just wanted to know

what she thought of him,

and the next thing I knew

we were in her laundry room,

- makin' out.

- Making?

I can't eat. I can't sleep.

My whole body feels heavy.

I can't go on like this any longer,

but I won't give her up!

I won't!

Please, continue.

[ Clicks, Whirs ]

[ Ringing ]

I'm sorry, Eddie. I don't believe Wally

is expecting you--

Don't think you need to create a

smoke screen for your son, Mr. Cleaver.

Wallace and I have discussed

his relationship with Karen...

and ultimately we feel our friendship

is strong enough...

to survive some

schoolboy dalliance.

Oh, hello, Eddie.

Beaver's upstairs in his room.

- What? You're here to see Beaver?

- Yes.

We're having

a little PJ party.

Now that Wallace doesn't have as much

time as he used to for young Theodore,

I have taken it upon myself

to slip in and fill that void.

Well, I'm gonna sleep

a lot better knowing that.

Oh, hi, Eddie. I got a model.

I rented a video.

And look at these. I got

about a thousand pennies we can wrap up.

Let's get something

straight, Beavis.

I didn't come here to have a good time.

I'm just using you.

Oh.

Wallace, what's the occasion?

Job interview?

Cut it out, Eddie. You know I'm taking

Karen skating tonight.

Oh, sure, throw it in my face.

You're out having a Ice Capade

with my babe, while I watch

Balto with the Beaver.

So we are going

to watch the movie?

- Shut up.

- Eddie, what did you come over for?

-To see how miserable you could make me?

-Pretty much.

Well, I got news for you. Karen was

never interested in you at all.

Then why'd she invite me

to her party?

I made sure she invited you,

because I felt sorry for you.

So, in other words,

you're a backstabber and a liar.

All right. That's it, Haskell.

Let's do it right now!

You know, he just hasn't been the same

since the growth spurt.

Come, Theodore. Last time I was here l

hid pudding pops in back of the freezer.

Hmph!

Boy, Wally, I never knew

you were such a crummy guy.

- Me first!

- I'll race ya!

- All right! Come on!

- Come on!

[ Laughing ]

Come on.

Karen, I-I was thinking...

-that maybe if tonight went real well...

-[ Boy ] Karen!

- that--

- Kyle!

- [ Gasps ]

- [ Laughs ]

- Hey.

- I thought you, like, moved?

My mom booked, so now we're

living with my dad's parents.

- It sucks, but I'm never home anyway.

- Yeah.

Oh, this is my--

Uh, this is Wally.

- Cool sweater.

- Nice earring.

Kyle and I grew up

across the street from each other.

- We used to, like, take baths together.

- Ha, ha.

Ha, ha. Ha.

- [ Keyboard Keys Clicking ]

- Hey, Eddie, did you know there was...

a real dog named Balto,

and he cured diphtheria?

Well, I'll be.

Your old man's always cryin' poverty,

but he's sittin' on a sweet nest egg.

Are you supposed to be

looking at all that stuff?

What's with you? Don't you like

doin' things you're not supposed to?

I would if I could

get away with 'em,

but I'm just not

as good at it as you are.

[ Clicks, Tone Strikes ]

It's a good thing you found out

what a rat your brother is now,

instead of waitin' for when they're

carvin' up your old man's estate.

Yeah, I've been real

'spicious of him...

since that time at the Twin Pools when

he held me underwater.

I'm tellin' ya,

ya just can't trust the guy.

I think we should sneak off to the

skating rink, spy on the little gigolo.

I don't think my parents

would like that.

What to do.

What to do.

Mom! Dad! Can we

camp out in the backyard?

Far be it from me to inhibit

the boy's sense of adventure.

[ Eddie ] "...in the living room, while

my parents either read or play Scrabble.

Come time to go to bed, it took several

times to get the Nintendo shut off."

I'm not so sure I like Eddie

being so nice to the Beaver.

Oh, now, Ward, if you gave the boy half

a chance, he might just surprise you.

Maybe so, but there's

something about him I just don't trust.

[ Eddie ]

"He said I was crazy.

[ Eddie Continues,

indistinct ]

"Well, something about that TV

must have been bothering me.

"Because I just laid awake

in bed staring at the ceiling.

The more I tried not to feel

scared, the scareder I became."

[ Chattering ]

[ Beaver ]

There's Karen.

But where's Wally?

There he is,

pickin' up splinters.

Hey, babe, let me

go grab my stuff,

then we can blow

outta here.

- Thanks for the fizz, bud.

- Anytime.

Listen, Wally,

I hope you don't mind?

Kyle's really upset.

He really needs someone to talk to.

Are you mad at me?

No. I mean, it's obvious

the guy's got a lot of problems.

Thanks. You're

such a nice guy.

[ Kissing Sound ]

I wish people

would quit saying that.

She dumped him.

Once again, fate has

dealt me a winning hand.

If Wally hadn't have stole Karen

from you, you'd be the one down there...

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