Leaving Metropolis

[Train whistle blowing]

[David humming]

Sh*t!

Am I in time for the part

where you cut your ear off?

Hey.

You okay?

You look great.

Date with

my psychologist.

Nervous?

There's a box riding

on this visit.

How are you feeling?

Fine.

Fine?

I just want to get it over with;

it's time.

Let's smoke a joint.

This is a psychological

evaluation.

I have to be straight.

You're hardly straight

on Lorazepam.

Lorazepam's legal.

Paint something.

I'm trying;

nothing comes.

I hate to say it,

but I think I'm blocked.

Blocked blocked

or blocked?

Blocked blocked.

Eew.

Yep.

Paint me.

Nude?

Dick and all?

The dick's not mine.

Hideous mistake.

Absolutely.

They cut it off,

Shannon.

They can't

put it back.

I don't have

a problem with that.

Most guys are attached

to their willies.

Do I look like

most guys to you?

Point taken.

Love ya.

Mean it.

[Inhales and exhales deeply]

Was the food okay?

Oh, great.

My therapist's

father died.

I'm sorry

to hear that.

You're sweet.

Thanks.

Were you close

to him?

Not particularly.

Oh.

Thanks for coming.

Pleazh.

(Matt)

Night.

Thanks again.

Pretty hot,

huh?

Was she?

Yeah.

No, she's nothing

compared to you.

Matt, some of those dishes

sat up for a while tonight.

Dinner hour's pretty

busy sometimes.

Maybe we should think

about another waiter.

You wanna put

an ad in the paper?

Yeah.

You wanna do the hiring,

or should I?

I'll leave it to you.

All right.

[Woman singing over radio]

I did my best painting

when I was a waiter.

I did my best writing

when I was a virgin.

Life's a barter

system.

I need a job.

As a what?

A waiter.

You hated

being a waiter.

You meet people,

overhear things,

see new faces.

(Kryla)

Shlep chow for d*cks

who don't tip.

This painting is sh*t.

What if someone recognizes you?

I'll go to some dump

where no one'll know me.

Oan you believe my therapist?

Having a family tragedy when I'm

ready for gender reassignment.

And she calls herself

a professional.

I'm going to get a job.

A what?

As a waiter.

What brought this on?

With the exception of you and

Kryla, all my friends have died,

gone crazy, or moved away.

I never get out

of the house anymore.

I need...

Stimulation?

Inspiration.

Mm-hmm.

[Beeping]

Indinavir?

Will they make me giddy

and excitable?

No, but they will give

you kidney stones.

I'll take six.

Thanks.

We'll let you know.

Yeah, right.

Do I see you

about the job?

You're looking

for a job?

I have a resume.

Do you ever.

I'm not sure this is

your kind of place.

I can work any hours

you offer,

and I really don't care

how much money I make.

You're an angel

from heaven, right?

I've been told that.

It's only a couple

hours a night.

That's not a problem.

- You sure?

- I'm sure.

I'm David.

Matt.

(David)

Interesting decorating choice.

My wife collects them.

Dave, this is Violet,

my wife.

Co-owner, chef, boss.

Dave's the new waiter.

I'd shake your hand, Dave,

but I'm all wet.

It's David, actually.

(Matt)

Sorry.

Short hours okay

with you?

Just fine.

Great.

Welcome.

4:
00 tomorrow.

Sure.

How old do you

think he is?

Hard to say.

[Background piano music]

Another bottle

of anti-freeze?

- No.

- No?

Work tomorrow.

Evening.

Think I'll go home,

blow a sploof, and crash.

Guess it's off

at the Press Olub.

Mm, catch

my column tomorrow.

- What's it about?

- Lois Lane.

Oh, I loved

Lois Lane.

She always wore the best

hats and knew karate.

Jimmy Olson was a fag.

You moes think

everyone's gay.

He wore a

green bow tie.

Superman and Lois Lane

are getting married.

What?

She's marrying him

as Clark Kent.

Doesn't even know

he's Superman.

Now, if that isn't

the perfect metaphor

for the modern relationship,

I don't know what is.

Jesus.

(Shannon)

Don't worry.

I'm here for you

Where exactly is this

restaurant of yours?

I'd like to drop by.

I don't want anyone who

knows me to know where it is.

Really?

(David)

Really.

Thanks for understanding.

(Kryla)

Oh, whatever.

Love ya.

Mean it.

Young love is so...

Young.

Exactly.

He's not from Earth.

He's an alien.

Krypton?

Spider-man got married

a couple of years ago.

- Spider-man's from Earth.

- So what?

People from Earth can only

marry other people from Earth?

Maybe his cum's

poison to humans.

Superman's cum

is not poison.

They might have monster

kids or something.

(David)

Hi.

Superman's getting

married.

(David)

I heard.

Doesn't seem right after

holding out for so long.

(Violet)

The restaurant's split

half-and-half.

You place the cutlery...

I thought you checked

the silver.

I did.

The place is casual.

Make sure you get the

food out while it's hot.

Flip the tables

as fast as you can.

(David)

Yes ma'am.

Matt'll show you where

everything is.

And don't f***

with my kitchen.

A waiter's place is not

in the kitchen.

You've got potential.

You have no idea.

[Chuckles]

Don't let Violet

intimidate you.

Please.

Slight complaint.

What?

The guy says

the sauce is too salty.

Tastes fine to me.

It's quite common for cooks to

lose their sensitivity to salt.

It's fine.

Do you want this customer

to leave here

and tell people

he didn't enjoy his meal,

or do you want him to leave here

and talk about how accommodating

the kitchen was

in fixing his problem?

Give me

two minutes.

You're the boss.

[Country music over radio]

Good night.

Good night.

Thanks.

Great waiter.

Thanks.

Well, hotshot,

any other suggestions?

Well, since you asked.

- What?

- Your garnishes.

What about them?

Radishes carved into roses

are very... '70s.

So what kinda garnishes

would you use instead?

Kale.

You can get it

in mauve now.

It's very

eye-catching.

Mauve kale?

Jesus.

What's kale?

(Violet)

It says in here most men

fantasize about other people

to keep their sex

lives interesting.

Yeah.

You ever fantasize

about other people?

No.

What is it?

Nothing.

Let me see.

It's nothing.

You ever fantasize

about other people?

No.

Use a coaster, Matt.

[Country music over radio]

Well, I guess

that's it for tonight.

I'll take anything else

that comes in.

You need publicity.

Do you know what it costs for

an ad in the Tribune or The Sun?

What are you doing?

Moving this.

Why?

Well, no one's seeing

it in here.

Good point.

Let the folks know

what you're offering.

You're not just

a waiter, right?

What?

(Matt)

What do you really do?

L... paint.

Oh, yeah?

Like houses and sh*t?

No, like pictures

and sh*t.

I've sold a few.

Really?

Wow.

Good for you.

It's not such

a big deal.

Having people pay

for what you draw?

Sounds like

a big deal to me.

I bet you're

really good.

I'm not bad.

I used to want to draw

comic books.

I was really into it.

Even drew a few full stories

when I was in high school.

I was pretty good.

Why didn't you

go after it?

Do you know how many guys

want to draw comics?

Some of them

actually do it.

I'm realistic.

Maybe you sell

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