Lennon Naked Page #3

probably yours.

(REPORTERS LAUGHING)

Derek?

The Jap girl? She's there, yeah. Yoko.

She sends me cards.

"Breathe," one of them said.

John, please make up your mind because

we're going to be late for Brigitte.

"Dance."

"Watch all the lights till dawn."

Mr Lennon! Mr Lennon!

You coming in or not?

Can you give this to John, please?

Yes, of course.

Whose idea was that,

asking people for tapes?

Mine.

You know we've got about

half a million now?

You should be glad,

the only decent thing Apple are doing.

Is that right?

Had her on the ceiling, you know.

-Who's that?

-Brigitte Bardot.

I had her behind the bike sheds.

Mint?

Are you nervous or something?

That was the one sure thing, you know.

When I'm rich and famous,

Brigitte Bardot will want to meet me.

She's had her suite kitted out

Indian style, you know,

-to make you feel at home.

-Has she?

(DEREK CHUCKLES)

You met the Queen, John,

MBEs at the palace.

Didn't notice you quaking

in your boots then.

Well, I never spent three years

wanking off

to a picture of the Queen in a bikini.

(LAUGHING)

Spare us the details.

Do you ever think about Brian, Derek?

I think about him a lot.

Sometimes,

I think I'm Jesus Christ.

(LAUGHING)

F***ing hell, John,

don't start all that stuff.

Jesus always gets us in trouble.

I'm trying to talk to you.

Well, don't. Jesus.

Jesus Christ.

Isn't being John Lennon enough?

Everybody loves you, John,

you walk on water.

-Everybody loves me?

-It's true.

That's like saying nobody does.

Do you want me to call this off?

What else have you got, Derek,

in your little pill pocket?

Oh, now hang on, you're about to fulfil

the ambition of a lifetime here.

We'll have a drink in the bar downstairs

before we go up, settle her.

Open your pill pocket, Derek.

John, think about it.

(IN FRENCH ACCENT) Brigitte Bardot.

Let's have it.

I know nothing.

I'll have you home in 1 0 minutes,

Mr Lennon. It's five in the morning.

Why don't I wait here for a bit,

then catch you up?

Because I don't want you to, Les.

Because I'm a big boy now.

You don't even know the way.

Shall I call Mrs Lennon?

(DOG BARKING)

TV REPORTER:
"Christianity will go,

it will vanish and shrink.

"We're more popular than Jesus now. "

John Lennon quoted in

the London Evening Standard, March 4th.

JOHN:
If I said television is more

popular than Jesus,

I might have got away with it.

In reference to England, that we

meant more to kids than Jesus did.

WOMAN:
There's certainly no comparison

between Jesus Christ and John Lennon,

because I don 't think that

Christ came to be popular.

As a matter of fact, he was

one of the most unpopular...

MAN:
You never can tell about him,

his answers are so flippant,

his attitude is so bizarre

in many instances.

You never know whether

he's honest or not.

I want to see him grow up

a little bit, I guess.

What are you doing?

John!

John!

John!

John!

John, I'm not going to stand here

all day.

John, for God's sake!

John, I was worried about you.

Derek said...

I can't walk on water.

Fetch Pete.

We're supposed to be going on holiday.

Your whole life's a holiday, girl.

You said you wanted a break.

You said I wanted a break. Fetch Pete.

You're not 1 4 any more.

People don't have their school friends

living with them

when they get married

and start families.

-Don't they?

-No, they don't.

Or their dads.

He's gone. You know that.

Get out of the water.

Why don't you come in?

Come in.

Maybe people don't go in the water when

they get married and start families.

You don't even know what a family is.

Fetch Pete.

(CYNTHIA SIGHS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

I'm living in a stockbroker's house

and I'm running a company.

Are you stuck, Daddy?

I am, Julian, yeah. I'm stuck fast.

I once got my foot stuck in the ladder.

Let me talk to Pete.

Right.

I want to hear every detail.

Leave nothing out.

There's nothing to leave out.

You did everything?

Oh, the years I've thought about it.

-We did nothing.

-You what?

-She's better as a picture.

-John!

Maharishi's got big tits

and long hair, too.

And even he talked more sense.

John, mate.

I was on acid, she was on the wane.

For crying out loud, John,

what did she do to piss you off?

She disappointed me.

Imagine if she'd just said...

(IN FRENCH ACCENT)

"John, take me. I am yours, have me."

You know, like we used to imagine.

The days of mutual masturbation

are over, Pete.

I'm sorry.

What are you thinking about?

Cynthia said something about Jesus.

-Derek rang her.

-I'm thinking about that girl.

Big house.

Yeah, there was a big gap in Weybridge

they had to fill, you know.

There was all sorts of things

they could have put here

but this was just the right size

and shape.

She didn't know who I was

when she met me. Did you, Yoko?

No.

Not that he knows himself.

It's good to be fluid.

See? I'm forever getting told off

for being fluid.

Other people like to pin a star.

What else is crucifixion?

What are you working on

at the moment, Yoko?

I'm thinking about acorns.

Just thinking about them?

Mmm-hmm.

Right.

(CLANGING)

(BOTH HOWLING)

(BOTH BAYING)

(BOTH SHOUTING)

(TAPE RECORDER PLAYING BACK HOWLING)

I like that.

Mmm.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

That was... That was cool.

-Mmm, it was cool, yeah.

-Yeah.

I did that with a spatula, you know.

(CHUCKLES)

I haven't let rip like that

since the early days.

Hamburg.

Before Brian.

We were wild then.

Jesus, like animals.

You should have seen us.

Not like now,

the nation's little pets.

What did you think when I called you?

I was glad.

Surprised?

Yes.

You never thought I'd call you?

I thought maybe one day you would,

not that day.

But you thought I would?

Yes.

'Cause I didn't have a clue.

All right, John?

Have a good time last night?

Unbelievable.

I heard you messing about

with the tapes.

Never met anyone like her.

Just thinking about acorns.

She's as cracked as I am.

Are you going to see her again?

Still here.

I want you to find me somewhere to live.

You've got somewhere to live.

Somewhere to live with Yoko.

(ALL CHATTERING)

(CORK POPPING)

You are here. What more can I say?

The press are going to have those

doors in if you don't open them soon.

Let them wait,

the balloons aren't ready yet.

-How many now?

-MAN:
352.

John, those art college students

are back.

-John!

-Hey up.

Well, what are the balloons for?

I'm setting them free.

I'm setting everything free,

me included.

I'm the liberator.

They've got a little tag on

so people can write to me.

-To say what?

-Whatever they like.

Derek, give these thirsty

young artists a drink.

I think we should

let the press in, John.

Balloons aren't ready.

No one out there's going to know that.

But everyone in here is.

So, what have you got for me?

-It's sort of a protest.

-I like a protest.

It's because of you getting all this

publicity just because of who you are.

And who am I?

John Lennon.

Okay, right.

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