Lenny Page #4

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"It's only been used once,

and that was in a suicide pact,

so there's a little bit of lipstick

around the exhaust pipe. "

I'll take it.

- That's good, young lady.

- Where are we going, Fat Boy?

First, Fat Boy's gonna take you to the

motel... where he gonna give it to you

the same way he's been giving it

to the public for 25 years.

- And in the same location, too.

- You promise?

- I promise. Honk-honk.

- Then where are we going, Fat Boy?

Then Fat Boy's gonna take you to

that great big used car lot in the sky.

- Know where that is?

- Uh-uh.

- California!

- California!

Come on, Fat Boy! Get on!

I love you, Lenny.

Well, we're off to California.

The new life, you know?

We're working our way across the

country playing these dinky clubs.

We usually bombed,

but it was kinda fun, you know?

- And that's where it all started.

- What?

Well, we were working this club in Detroit,

and we were all clowning

around in the dressing room,

and this drummer comes up and says

"Hey, you cats wanna try

something groovy?"

And we said "Sure. "

So he hands us these little straws,

and we started sniffing this stuff.

- Up our noses, you know?

- What was it, cocaine?

No, it was, um, heroin... and stuff.

- And how did that make you feel?

- Well... I sort of went bananas...

crying, jumping up and down,

stamping all around.

And Lenny?

Lenny started laughing.

But it was kind of fun, you know.

- Wow.

- Before we're done with this town,

we'll have your jugs in cement

in front of Grauman's Chinese.

We bought pots and pans,

dishes and stuff like that,

and started setting up housekeeping.

It was really terrific for a while, and then...

- Want to see a picture I took of Lenny?

- "And then" what?

The double act

wasn't getting anywhere.

We'd gone through our savings pretty

fast, so I went back to work stripping,

and Lenny took whatever jobs he could.

We got in with this crowd and...

You know, show people, musicians,

stuff like that.

And they were all messing around,

fixing, stuff like that.

You do things on dope that normally

wouldn't come into your mind to do.

Why not?

I just don't want to, that's all.

It'll be nice.

Why do you keep pushing

this, Lenny? You keep pushing.

I don't know.

A little excitement would be good for us.

I don't think we can handle it.

Well, that's very unhip.

Maybe I'm not hip.

Do you love me?

Yeah.

Well, don't you know that I love you?

Yeah.

So?

And now, a word about dykes.

I like dykes.

How could you say that?

Lenny, Jesus Christ, you were the one

that talked me into these freak scenes.

I didn't have to do much talking, did I?

Oh, God. I knew it. I knew it.

- I told you, but...

- Didn't tell me you'd love it so much.

That's what Will Rogers once said, man.

"I never met a dyke I didn't like. "

You're crazy.

You know I made it with that nurse.

- I know it.

- She was terrific.

Lenny...

- You know I made it with other chicks?

- I don't wanna play this stupid game!

Don't you want to tell me about

the Chinese chick in the club?

You didn't know I knew that, did you?

I love you, Lenny.

Why don't you tell me to stop?

Why don't you tell yourself to stop?

- Tell me.

- Why? You obviously dig it.

So, you know, that's cool.

You son of a b*tch! Why do you

always have to be so f***ing hip?

If you notice,

comics will do endless fag jokes,

but never dyke jokes, man.

You know why? Because dykes

will really punch the sh*t out of ya!

It's really hard to spot dykes. Oh, yeah.

You know why? Because sometimes,

we're married to 'em.

I love you.

You parted several times.

What was it that you really

wanted from the marriage?

I wanted a baby. I always wanted a baby.

I thought it would help us, you know?

Bring us together.

So we both cleaned up for a while,

and on November 7th, 1955,

Kitty was born.

We were like a real family for a while.

And then I had to go back to work,

and travel a lot.

And Lenny started MC-ing

these strip joints, real dives.

We didn't get to see much

of each other and...

I don't know. Sometimes things...

just don't work out and you

really never understand why.

Do you want to see

a picture of Kitty as a baby?

No, dummy, in your mouth.

- Hey, man, what time is it?

- 9.30.

That's right.

Mommy'll be here pretty soon, OK?

Just couldn't get a cab.

Um, called three places

and they said they'd send one,

but... Nada City.

I finally got one.

Right.

Kitty, Mama's sorry she's late.

She knows Daddy's mad.

Mr Bruce? Mr Bruce? Your order ready.

- How much?

- $2.75.

Where Missis? She's the prettiest

girl I ever see. She sick?

Here the fortune cookie, and say

"hello" to her. She a wonderful wife.

- We're divorced.

- You're better off.

It's really hard when you break up

with your old lady.

At first you think "That's groovy.

Screw her, I'll really swing, man. "

But the kind of chicks you meet when

you're divorced are divorced chicks!

They all have that six-year-old kid.

He's like a prop from central casting.

But if they don't have that kid,

they have that French poodle

that has to be allowed

in the bedroom all the time.

In fact, he's on the bed

when you're trying to do it, man.

"What is the function of this dog?"

"He's looking at us.

He just wants to watch. "

"Wants to watch?

I'm not an exhibitionist! I... "

"You get outta here, you pervert. "

The sick red eyes, man.

Tap dancing on the linoleum floor.

I mean... that pink thing

sticking out of him.

It's like a lipstick, right?

No, if you've been married for five

years and it goes into the shithouse,

then you're gonna spend

a lot of time throwing up.

And when it's over, about the only

satisfaction you can have is to get even.

Get even with that chick, man.

Get that kid. Get even. I got the kid.

He just stole her from me.

We were in Hawaii, and I had gotten

busted for having a little pot in my car.

I was waiting trial

and he knew I couldn't leave.

And he took her, man, he just took her!

I'm sorry, the tape has run out.

I don't think I got all of that down.

Just give me a second and then...

maybe repeat that for me, please?

No, forget it. I know why.

He took her because he knew

I couldn't take care of her.

- Because of drugs?

- Mm-hm.

But custody doesn't mean "get even".

What custody really means...

is I raise. I get up in the morning.

I schlep the kid. I clean. I love.

It's hot.

Phew, man! Custody's a lot of dues.

Is good? You better off with me.

It's probably for you. I'll tell them

you're eating and to call later.

Here. Here, here. Have yourself an orgy.

Yeah?

Collect call for Mr Bruce

from Honey Bruce in Honolulu.

- Is this Mr Bruce?

- Yeah, this is him.

- Will you accept the charges?

- Yeah.

Just a moment.

Go ahead, Mrs Bruce.

- Lenny?

- Hi.

What's shaking, man? What do ya want?

I think you called me.

Oh, right.

Um, what are you doing?

Nothing. It's my night off.

Oh, right.

I've got some really good news.

I, uh, met this agent who said

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