Leprechaun 3 Page #5

My insides...

It's like everything's

twisted up.

Oh, my God!

What is it?

What's wrong?

Your face!

I'm in trouble, Tammy.

Help me!

Scott,

we gotta get out of here.

Like you said...

who's gonna believe us?

I don't know...

That's where

it all happened.

- Where?

- At the pawn shop across the street.

That's where I found the coin.

I think that's where the answer is.

Let's go check it out.

(sniffing)

Huh! I smell me shilling...

and the gentle fragrance

of a lady's perfume.

Let it work,

let it work, let it work!

Let me be beautiful.

Give me the body

of a stacked 20 year-old.

Please...

I wanna be sexy...

and beautiful again.

I wish.

Men:
Yeah!

(knocking)

Enter!

Loretta?

That's right, sweetheart!

Little ol' me.

Didn't I tell you one of these days

I was gonna turn it around?

But how?

Magic.

All I had to do...

was wish for it.

Pretty! Yours?

Man, oh, man,

oh Manischevitz!

Look at those tits!

I wish I was a man so I could just

screw myself right on the floor.

And I dare you

to feel that ass, Fazio.

That's prime.

All you had to do

was wish for it?

You got it!

- Thanks!

- You! Give that back to me!

Give it back!

Give it back right now!

Thanks for the loan, Loretta.

I owe you.

You flaming f*ggot!

But since there's a mirror

in the room,

I might as well

stick around...

and enjoy it!

All right,

this had better work!

I wish...

I wish...

that I was the greatest magician

in the world!

I am just so damn

gorgeous!

They're gonna want me like

they never wanted anybody before.

And I'm gonna

make 'em pay.

Who the hell are you?

I'm a leprechaun, me lass,

and I'm gonna make you pay!

What do you want?

Your b*obs are big,

your butt is small,

but still you're in

for quite a fall!

What are you talking about?

Oh, what,

didn't you hear?

Bigger is good,

but jumbo is dear.

I'll give you b*obs

that come out to here.

(laughter)

My babies!

What are you doing

to my babies?

Those delightful lips,

they'll get you some tips.

But what about these?

Aren't they big enough to please?

No! What are you doing?

(screaming)

Oh, a delightful little slut!

But what about your butt?

(screaming)

You little monster!

Oh, my God!

(cackling)

Feels like rain!

Now that was quite a load

to have to explode!

What a lovely lass!

I had to blow up your ass!

But now

I must hit the road.

That's where I found

the poor guy lying.

And you think

the leprechaun did it?

Who else?

Now, there was something

on the computer...

about gold coins and wishes...

Computer:
Finding the

leprechaun's gold is hard to do.

He sometimes keeps it in his hat,

or hides it in the loo.

That's a big help.

If you destroy his gold,

you destroy the leprechaun,

but mortals can never

resist the power of gold.

To them, being rich

is more important...

than doing

what needs to be done.

No way!

We find that gold,

we're getting rid of it!

Oh, no!

How can you say that, darling?

What?

I didn't say that.

Did I?

Oh!

What's wrong?

- Get it out of sight!

- What is it?

Get it out!

Okay.

Is that better?

Yeah.

I'm okay, l...

I feel so weird...

Scott, I think we should

just get in your car

and get out of here.

While we still can.

I can't.

You need to see a doctor.

Not yet.

There's something here,

something I need

or want very badly.

I don't know what it is.

Maybe you should go.

No way.

I'm not leaving you, Scott.

Wow.

Look at all this stuff.

Yeah, it's like

a junkyard in here.

Tammy:
Spooky!

What exactly

are we looking for?

I'm not sure.

Some clue

as to what happened to me.

(sniffing)

Wait here, darlin'.

I think I'm onto somethin'.

I can smell it!

Delicious!

Oh! Isn't it lovely?

A pot of gold for the taking.

(gasping)

- Scott, you found it!

- Aye, that I did!

We can destroy it.

Remember

what the computer said?

If we destroy the gold, we get rid

of the leprechaun once and for all.

Destroy it?

Yeah! We have to.

No, lass.

We need to study it.

We need to look at

what jingles and jangles.

For science, you know,

is the study of angles.

Scott!

What is happening?

Nothing.

Nothing, my beauty,

nothing at all.

I'm just being sensible.

No, you're not!

Don't take

a leprechaun's gold!

Not if you want to live

to be ripe and old.

- You're hurting me!

- Am I?

Wow!

What happened?

I don't know, but don't

let it happen again,

because you're scaring

me to death.

If anyone's

scared to death...

then let it be me

doing the scaring.

What?

I don't like

what I'm seeing.

Two leprechauns

is one too many, lad.

Scott! The gold!

The gold! Make a wish!

Wish him dead!

All right, little monster!

I wish you were encased in cement

at the bottom of the ocean!

Oh, no, please!

Anything but that!

You silly little twit!

Have you forgotten

the charm?

A leprechaun's gold

can do him no harm!

Scott!

Oh!

So,

for pulling this trick,

I'll chop off your dick!

Leprechaun:

Oh, me little darling!

Oh!

- Come on!

- Nice pitch!

I pitch for

the Vegas All Stars.

Oh, me aching noggin!

When I catch up with those two

I'll give them a good scragging.

Oh!

Oh, no, Scott!

Is it starting again?

Yeah.

My insides...

I feel like

I'm being torn apart.

Oh, no!

Scott, we're going

to the hospital now!

Get in!

You can run, me boyo,

but you can't hide!

Scott!

- What happened?

- He bit me.

At the casino.

Miss! Miss!

Jesus Christ!

- Can we get some help here?

- What's the trouble here?

What the hell is this?

Get me a gurney.

Get this man into isolation, stat!

Come on!

- Just wait here.

- No, I wanna be with him.

Nobody's gonna be with him

until we know what the problem is.

God!

Man:
Get out of the road!

Oh!

(panting)

Doctor:
Looks like some kind

of virulent fungus.

I've never seen

anything like it.

Hmm... must be metastasizing

down the right quadrant,

moving into

the lower thoracic area.

Let's get this man

on antibiotics right away!

(grunting)

Hold him,

for God's sake!

Take it easy, son.

We're here to help.

Man:
Give him a sedative,

damn it!

Now listen to me!

This may mean the difference

between living and dying.

Do you have health insurance?

Do you take Green Cross?

Good God!

Forktus glottis!

What the hell

is taking them so long?

Leprechaun:
Tammy Larson,

please report to the morgue.

Oh, no!

Tammy Larson,

please report to the morgue.

(monitors beeping)

Doctor, look at this!

- This is blood?

- What the hell is going on?

Bring me

his encephalogram.

Really?

Where's his EKG?

If this is some sort of joke,

I don't find it at all amusing.

Well, maybe he doesn't

need health insurance.

Wow! Should I order

a few more tests, doctor?

Let's see, uh...

He can afford an MRI, and

let's give him a couple more EKGs,

- and he can use a spinal tap.

- Maybe a bone scan?

Let's start with every test

beginning with the letter A,

tomorrow the B's,

- and Thursday...

- You play golf on Thursday.

Well, this is an emergency.

Hello?

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