Leprechaun 4: In Space Page #2

It's from the planet Dominia.

It signifies royal birth.

This is quite

an opportunity.

For what?

If we can save her, it will mean

better relations with the Dominians.

I want a complete work up

on her bodily fluids,

organ delineation charts

and let's run an encephalogram.

Run it through the main computer

so Dr. Mittenhand can look it over.

Excuse me?

I don't work for you.

Just do it. We'll fight about

who's in charge later.

You heard the lady, Harold.

Move your ass.

Hey...

don't touch me unless

you mean it...

...cowboy.

Don't ever do that again.

Do what?

I was trying to help.

I understand, but that's not

the help I need.

What was your name?

Sergeant Malloy.

Friends call me "Books. "

Well, Sergeant Malloy,

I have a lot of work to do,

so if you don't mind, why don't

you return to your little unit

and do whatever you people do

when you're not killing something?

Strip.

I beg your pardon.

I got to take your body armor.

The entertainment lounge

is now open for refreshments.

Please drink in moderation

and have a wonderful evening.

Wow!

High grade material.

The cave is riddled

with gold.

Hurry up, d*ckhead!

Get this secured

so that I can go get drunk.

Handy little gadget. What do you

do when you want to unload it?

Not bad.

It was invented by

Dr. Mittenhand.

He's a real genius.

Yes, Harold.

Thank you for that

heartfelt testimonial.

I have informed

Galactic Enterprises of our find.

Our instructions are

to orbit the planet

until a mining crew and

the appropriate equipment arrive.

Once the mining procedure

has begun

we can return home.

Sergeant, your men

will act as security

until we are relieved.

Any questions?

Yeah, I got a question.

Our contracts expire

at midnight tonight.

I am sure a bonus of some kind

can be arranged.

We signed on for 30 days.

Legally, we are free agents

as of midnight tonight.

No one leaves this ship

unless I so say...

...say so.

Is that clear, Sergeant?

Is that clear?

With all due respect, sir...

Thank you for understanding.

Carry on.

I wouldn't argue with

Dr. Mittenhand.

Ever.

Let's go someplace...

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

They're gonna see us leaving.

They're not gonna know.

They're all drunk.

- You think so?

- Yeah.

Okay.

Where are you kids going?

Can I give you a ride?

KO, I spoke with the medic.

He said everything's fine...

as long as you use

your protective glove when you pee.

- What?

- It's a joke.

Yeah, it better be.

That's about the size of it!

Here's to nasty sex,

- and women who never say no.

- Yeah!

Here's to Lucky,

the Marine who gave

his life today.

To Lucky.

- In here.

- Okay.

What is this?

Let me take off

your belt.

Oh, baby.

Shake hands with the Big Guy.

Take it easy.

You don't want to hurt Mr. Snake.

What is it?

What's wrong?

Ouch! Not so rough!

You want to take it home with you?

I haven't done anything yet.

Ouch!

What's wrong?

- What?

- God!

What did I do?

Aaah! God!

What the hell's

going on in there?

Kowalski, my God!

What is it?

Let that be a lesson

to you, lad.

Always wear a prophylactic.

Bernie...

Hold it right there,

pilgrim.

I'm not gonna hurt ya.

No, I'm not gonna hurt ya.

The hell I'm not!

Come on, this is

getting boring.

I think there's someone

in the house.

Get it while

the gettin's good.

- I'm gonna get a refill.

- Get me one, too.

Bring me back a sandwich.

Oh, and a pack of cigarettes.

- I'll catch you later.

- He ain't coming back for a while.

He ain't coming back

for a while.

Small though I am,

mighty is my spirit

when bloody battle calls.

Come at me

with what you will,

shoot me, stab me,

kill me a hundred ways

and still I fight on.

I am eternal as the sun.

I am a thousand demons

from hell.

Death and destruction

are my game.

Agony is my name!

Ha, ha!

So how's the casualty?

She's resting comfortably,

more or less.

We won't be able

to save her hand.

Too much arterial damage.

That's tough.

- So you're a doctor, right?

- A biologist.

A doctor of biology.

That must mean you're

pretty smart, then.

Smart's a relative term.

Relative to what?

Relative to the level

of intelligence you're referring to.

What are the criteria for

determining a person's intelligence?

Uhh...

That means, what standards

do you use? Prerequisites.

I know what "criteria" means, Doc,

and what a "prerequisite" is.

See, Doc, just because

I wear this uniform

doesn't mean they've surgically

removed my brain.

Well, I didn't mean...

Anyway...

the point is that

I was just thinking that...

I'd kind of like to

get to know you better.

But since you obviously think

of me as a Neanderthal...

- Why are you so defensive?

- I am not defensive.

I'll shoot anyone who says

I'm defensive.

Okay, what the hell.

You know what? Why don't we

forget that I was here?

Come back when you're

feeling better.

I feel a lot better

than I look.

I'll bet you do.

I get the impression that

you don't like me.

Don't bother to deny it.

You really don't like me, do you?

First dates are always the hardest.

Oooh!

Damn, 21 st century

and they still can't dance.

They're getting better.

I was about to call

the medics.

Nothing wrong with being a Marine,

is there, Sticks?

Hell no.

Semper fi, do or die.

It's all

I ever wanted to be.

You made it, so be happy.

I am happy...

till somebody like her

comes around.

- You don't like her now?

- No, I do.

That's the problem.

- Wait, come again?

- Come on, think about it.

We're not exactly

made for each other.

A PhD. And

a high school diploma?

Conversations might tend

to be one-sided.

It depends on

what you're talking about.

That's the problem.

I might not know

what we're talking about.

It's alive!

Hello.

Oh... look at those knees.

Yes!

Impossible!

No, Harold...

it is not impossible.

Her tissues

have regenerated.

I wasn't really...

Yes, Harold,

I know what you were doing.

You are a naughty,

naughty boy.

She is...

amazing, is she not?

Yes, sir.

We have work to do.

Do you know what I could do

with her DNA?

Do you, Harold?

No.

You'll tell no one what

you've seen here, understand?

No one.

No one?

But this is a great

discovery!

Yes.

But for now...

It will be our secret.

- Take this.

- I don't believe in guns.

You need more

than a PhD., Doc.

For your information, Sergeant,

I have a black belt in karate.

Huh.

I needed a merit badge

when I was in the Scouts.

Scouts, huh?

Should have told me earlier.

I would have taken the day off.

It'll take more than penicillin

to fix that sh*t.

Shut up, Danny!

Knock it off!

Knock it off!

We got to find it before

it does any more damage.

All right,

let's check this place out.

You can't go in there.

That's the waste disposal chamber.

We can go anywhere

we want, lady.

We're Marines.

It's filled with

flesh-eating bacteria.

Mooch, you're up.

Hey, wait a minute.

What do you mean,

flesh-eating bacteria?

That's how they dispose

of the organic waste.

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