Les Aventures de Rabbi Jacob (The Mad Adventures of Rabbi Jacob)

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Boys, the rabbi leaves.|Lets say goodbye.

Shalom, friends.

Have a safe trip.

My man has been in Paris|for the last 30 years.

Pay attention to him.|- Naturally.

I have something for you they have|never heard of in Paris.

Cheesecake.

Give it to David for his bar mitzvah.

Hey, I dont have all day.|lets go?

Come with me to the airport,|all of you.

This is a taxi, no synagogue.|Ok, move over.

Jacob, give our nephew Salomon a big kiss.|And Esther also and Tzip and Moishe.

Ok all the Schmoll family.

And bring me a bottle of|Reviens-parfum, please.

Ok, I will return.

I love to see my Normandi

It does not go like that.|It is French... France...

I love to see my Normandi Its the|country where I saw the light of day

What is going on?|Hurry, driver.

Hey, what do you want?|Miracles?

Dont worry, rabbi,|well catch that plane.

You see my boy? That is a miracle.

Isn't it better that I drive, Mr?

- Mr, look ahead.|- What does that idiot do there?

An Englishman of course.|I dont like Englishmen. Do you?

- No.

Now look.|A Swiss and a German.

It seems|as if we are abroad.

Now we are caught behind a Belgian.

What is wrong with the Belgians?

They pollute our air|with their exhaust gases.

I will pass him.

Now look beside us.

He sits quietly and smokes.|That is not a Frenchman.

Cant you go behind the line?|Imbecile, cheater...

...stupid...|- You hear that, a real Frenchman.

You wont talk huh?

Whats the hurry?

- What is going on?|- A wedding.

- My daughter is also getting|married tomorrow. Let me pass.

Have you seen that? She is black.

- She is black and he is white.|- Yes, and?

White and black...

- Are you coming or not?|- Im coming.

- Let me through! My|daughter is getting married.

- Thats your daughter?|Congratulations.

My daughter is not black.

Mr...

Did you see that? Nowadays black|people ride white Rolls Royces.

- Nice for you that your daughter|isnt getting married to a black man.

What do you mean?

- Because you are rather racist.|- Racist? I?

Fortunately Antoinette marries|a neat white French man.

- He is as a matter of fact quite pale.|- And he has a speaks funny.

But he is rich, just like I am.|And catholic, such as everyone.

Not everyone. I am Jewish.

You are Jewish? Are you Jewish?

And my uncle Jacob from New York is a rabbi.

- But he is no Jew.|- Yes.

- But not your entire family?|- Yes.

Well, nevertheless, you can remain.

- That will be my wife.|- We are late. What now?

Germaine...|Let me explain.

Watch your mouth, Victor.|You are a hypocritical liar.

And watch your mouth too. If you want a|wedding tomorrow you must be nice.

Your crown.|I'm telling you!

- She is jealous again.|- Logically, you are good looking.

Just a moment. Wait now.

Pay attention to the road.

Germaine, did you know|that Salomon were a Jew?

No, and?

There he is.

Waiter?

A water with mint syrup.

Mr Slimane.|Telephone for Mr Slimane.

That is me.

Cell 2, Mr.

- Mohammed Larbi Slimane?|- That is me.

Nobody comes to save you.|You have run into our trap.

- What?|- Fars wake up.

You are not getting away alive.|It is over with that revolution of yours.

Over 30 seconds. He tries|to escape along the back.

We cannot catch him in the middle of|Saint Germain de Prs.

Watch your mouth.

Go guard the back alley.

Fars.

Hurry up!

Drive.

Do not hang up, young lady.

- Send a tow truck immediately.|- Rather ask for a tow boat.

Pull the boat. And dont bungle.

Strike? They still strike|in my factory?

I will also strike.|I am exhausted.

What did you say?

I forbid them to strike.|No. No, I say.

Just promise them everything,|and I shall give them nothing.

Salomon, a car.

Stop, stop.

Beast, egoist, idiot.

First road on the left.|The factory is at the end.

It becomes dark.|We must find a place to sleep.

Put on the lights.|Then they can find us easier.

No, Mr.

I cannot put them on.|I cannot work on a Saturday.

It is Friday.

The Sabbath starts Friday evening.|Then I can no longer work.

You cant make an exception|this time, Salomon?

Then you will get|two Sabbaths next week.

- You dont know our traditions.|- Exactly, and that I am proud of.

You eat no flesh on Fridays|and I dont work Saturdays.

- Its not crazier than that.|- Yes is it.

It is crazy.|I tell you that its crazy.

You are dismissed.|Now you can have Sabbath each evening.

- As you wish, Mr.|- Out!

Saint Antonius of Padua, give me|a place to sleep and a driver.

A Catholic just like you,|the kind lord and I.

Oh, a light.|Thanks, Saint Antonius.

Is there anyone?

Concirge?

Ms?

Is there someone?

There is someone!

I will make you to talk, Slimane.

Where will the revolution take place?

Which city? How? Which regiment?

Talk, Slimane.

Kill me, but do not try|to judge me.

The people stand behind me.

But the power comes from|the barrel of a gun.

Mao Tse Tung.

Mohammed Larbi Slimane...

...as a president of|this contra-revolutionary tribunal...

I find you guilty of treason.

What is that abracadabra?

Gentlemen, your sentence.

Death!

Speak, then we'll save your live.

The revolution is as a bicycle.|If it does not go ahead, it falls.

Eddy Merckx.|- No, Che Guevara.

The police force. 17

No, the police force is 22... 17

- Hello? Is this the police force?|- Yes.

- Give me the commissioner. Fast.|- This is the commissioner speaking.

Come directly to the|Yankee chewing-gum factory.

- Chewing-gum?|- Yes, chewing-gum...

- Who are you?|- Victor Pivert.

Pivert. It means woodpecker.

- I'm listening.|- I have had an accident with my car.

I sought for help...

...and ended up with a some black|men with that brown head.

- Where are you now?|- In the office of the factory.

- Remain where you are. We'll come directly.|- Very nice of you.

Have you seen those black men?

Yes, especially that fat one with his curly|hair, his false eyes and his sun glasses.

A real assassin.

Let them kill each other.|But not in our country.

- Where are they?|- There.

I have him.

- He has escaped.|- I could not help it, Colonel.

Victor Pivert. Black Citron D,|licence plate 438ZA75.

- Up at the river.|- Are you coming along?

No, he dismissed me.|His is on his own.

There he is.

- What are you doing here?|- Shut your mouth and sit quietly.

I'll return to my country|and you must help me.

Victor Pivert, he has shot down|two men.

Yes, a car on a boat.|Put out a search for him.

The latest news:

The kidnapped resistance leader Slimane|remains disappeared.

he hasn't contacted|the rebels in his fatherland.

Lets me call the police. They will catch|Fars and you can return to your country.

The police will hand me over|to our government and its assassins.

- Fars?|- Colonel Fars.

- Everyone is against you?|- No, the people stand behind me.

- They cannot be lied to anymore!|- Yes, they can!

In my factory I lie the entire day.|The people love it there.

I'll end the disorder.

When I return,|I'll be Prime Minister.

Prime Minister? Finally I can shake|the revolver of a Prime Minister.

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