Les espions Page #3

- Are they made of metal?

- Steel. Which day suits you best?

Why set a date?

I'd like to come here from time to time.

Unexpectedly.

Unfortunately, I'm quite busy,

as you can see.

I may be mad, but I'm not stupid.

See? We'll have plenty of time to chat.

I'll pay the normal rate. The work

won't be hard. I know my illness.

- What illness do you suffer from?

- Me? I don't suffer.

The others are suffering.

I'm a kleptomaniac.

- Kleptomaniac?

- Yes, I pinch... mainly small things.

You know, empty envelopes... pens...

Things like that.

I have more than 150 pens at home.

- Your name?

- Sorry?

Ah! Kaminsky. With a K.

Michel.

Klepto... Radio columnist.

Yes, every day I give a bit of hope to

my poor compatriots of Central Europe.

Despite my little flaws,

I speak six languages

and I've lived in the Far East.

I'm a good talker,

you will see.

I'm badly paid but...

greatly appreciated.

Ask me my age, Doctor.

- How old are you?

- Sorry?

- Your age?

- 43, Doctor.

Where were you born?

Lucie!

- There are real lunatics here?

- Nervous types... sometimes agitated.

Funny.

This is a nursing home.

What are you doing here?

It's time for your walk.

Go round the park three times.

And don't cheat! I'm watching you.

- So, sir...

- Goodbye, Doctor.

- We haven't made an appointment.

- You'll see me again.

I'm persistent.

It was very pleasant.

And instructive.

M. Kaminsky!

My forms are totally useless to you.

They are blank.

Blank?

Shame.

At your service.

- Are you looking for something?

- I lost my box of matches.

Never mind, I'll give you a light.

I'm not asking for a light.

I said I lost my box of matches.

- Yes, I understood. Box of matches.

- No, you don't understand at all.

I don't smoke.

- Let's go!

- Please sit down.

I'm Sam Cooper, 62 years old,

born in New Jersey.

A non-drinker, non-smoker.

Excellent health.

- In that case, I don't see...

- Wait!

Everything was fine until...

Three years ago,

I started suffering from...

- Yes, emotional disturbance.

- That's it.

- Tell me what's wrong.

- I can't stand people.

So since three years ago,

you can't stand anybody.

- Where were you three years ago?

- In Moscow.

- I was an embassy attach.

- In Moscow?

- You didn't like it there?

- I did. But these idiots broke me.

- Broke?

- Yes, broke.

- Why were you summoned?

- Stupid stories. Commission of enquiry.

They blamed you for something?

I've been accused of having affinities

with the Soviets.

- Is it true?

- I wasn't a Soviet agent.

I'm not Fourche, Borges or McLain.

I didn't betray anyone. It's a lie.

I'm going to do

an electroencephalogram.

- You know what it is?

- Yes, I've had many already.

So, now... don't move.

Close your eyes.

Relax...

Completely.

You said you didn't betray anyone.

Have you been accused?

No, they're too intelligent.

I would have sued them for libel.

They claimed that my declarations

served the policies of the Soviets.

- They kicked me out.

- You were suspicious of them.

Wasn't the Yalta agreement

advantageous for the Russians?

Did they say that President Roosevelt

was a Soviet agent?

This is stupid.

I told you to close your eyes.

- What did you do after resigning?

- I left my country, like many.

I came to France. They were

looking for an English teacher.

And now I teach Shakespeare

from 9 to 10 and 2 to 5.

But they're hassling me again with

problems of passport and residency.

They're pursuing me.

They won't leave me alone, Doctor.

I'm scared they'll say I'm a lunatic,

so I'm taking precautions.

They won't get me this time!

No, no, they won't get you.

Calm down.

Take a deep breath.

Faster.

Even faster. That's enough.

I can't see anything unusual.

Nothing pathological.

Who told you to come to see me?

Your American friends?

- Or your friends from the East?

- Didn't I tell you? Colonel Howard.

But I don't know any colonel.

Absolutely none.

Why are you denying it?

Howard is a friend.

I don't know him.

Because he works

for the secret services? I know.

I don't know anything about

this Mr Howard. Let's continue.

No! That's enough.

- You won't cure me with lies!

- If you think I'm a liar, I'm sorry.

If a patient doesn't trust his doctor,

the doctor can't help him.

- You don't need to come back.

- You're stubborn!

You always carry a weapon

in your pocket?

- What weapon? I've never had a weapon.

- What's that?

Oh, the gun?

They have the cheek to play gangsters

even during my class. Little rascals!

Let's be friends. I have to go.

Shakespeare is waiting for me.

Romeo and Juliet,

Desdemona and...

- One moment, I'll see you to the door.

- Don't bother. I'm leaving.

What are you doing here?

I said come back another day.

I know, Doctor, but I'm very annoyed.

I lost my box of matches.

- What?

- My box of matches.

How many matches

were there in your box?

In my box? I don't know. Fifteen.

Fifteen, really? Well, well...

- Maybe two.

- Two!

- Three...

- Three! Even better!

Did you see that?

What a cheek!

These swines don't understand

anything, but they want to play a part.

I can't stand them any more.

They disgust me.

And on top that,

they make me waste my time.

What time is it, Doctor?

Ten past four.

Correct!

Don't be afraid. What an idiot!

You animal! Can't you see

you scared the lady? Go away!

And take that ladder. Go away!

No, not you, Miss. Stay.

Here's a liquorice sweet

to comfort you. There.

I'm your friend.

I'm also the doctor's friend.

Do you often come to walk

in this park?

Of course. And you see what happens

in the house and the offices.

Many people come to see

the doctor but they're not ill.

Not at all. What happens in the office?

They talk.

They exchange papers.

Tell me. Quick!

Mr Kaminsky, you've gone too far.

Please leave this house at once!

Don't get angry, Doctor.

I'm a keen botanist.

- I was wondering what this shrub is.

- You think Lucie would tell you?

There's the gate. Continue

your botanical studies in the street.

What a shame!

It's such a rare species. Japanese?

I'd stay for hours in this garden.

Unfortunately,

it is reserved for patients.

My plane!

Miss, my plane!

Please, Miss.

It's not my fault. The wind pushed it.

Give the child his plane.

Is Dr Malic here?

- Do you know that child?

- No. Why?

He's telling her something.

So what?

Know a way to stop children talking?

Yes, I know several.

Tell him, Miss.

It's very important.

What did he say? Tell me, I won't

repeat it. I never repeat anything.

Neither does she. She's a mute.

That's annoying.

How are we going to know?

Wait. Maybe she can write?

Mind your own business!

Try to remember. You understood

what he said, didn't you?

Make an effort, for God's sake.

It's important to me.

Don't be stubborn. You must

remember something. One word!

You're an idiot!

Maybe it was a message from Howard.

I've tried to contact him.

It's driving me crazy.

What kind of a mess did I get

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