Les Tuche & la caméra Page #2

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The grandest suite. 36,000 euros.

We didn't want to buy it.

Come, come.

Don't push.

The suite of Alain Delon.

Wait, we don't want to disturb him...

But he's not here.

Oh, OK.

Excuse me.

What a bitchin' hotel!

You are right, sir. You are at home.

I'll allow myself to offer you...

a glass of Champagne?

Hey, Mom, there's no Tahiti shower gel!

Come in.

Your Tahiti shower gel with flowers of passion.

Thanks.

You've saved my life.

You're in luck.

I couldn't find the Genie without rubbing, so I took the Chanel.

Your feet don't smell.

Madame, we offer room service to do that.

Because of our small machine. Please help me.

We left quickly...

and didn't take much.

We need clean pants.

I prepared a list of clothes to buy.

20 euros for a T-shirt, it must be the brand? It's expensive.

Madame, this is not a sales catalog,...

but the laundry.

~ Hotel bastards.

~ Yeah.

It fell into my coffee.

~ Is that normal?

~ No, sir.

Monaco is full of change.

That night, nobody slept.

We were all afraid it was a dream.

We did not want to wake up back in Bouzolles.

FRIES!

FRIES, FRIES, FRIES!

FRIES, FRIES! AH!

What's that?

Papa is the best!

Good.

Cathy,...

the kids, Granny...

Yeah?

I must speak.

You got the Lotto?

There's a time to laugh...

and a time to say things.

Henceforth, we will live in Monaco.

But be careful...

Of what?

We're not yet Montecarles.

"Mongasques".

It is not...

because we have a big bank balance that we will...

be accepted just like that.

We'll have to fit in...

to our new country...

and show them...

that we are worthy of belonging to the principality.

We will live on this small piece of rock...

no bigger than a rock,...

hence the name:
...

the Rock.

Your Dad's right.

Not to worry. Besides, everywhere...

we've always been loved,...

appreciated.

What?

This won't change.

But we have to make the effort...

to become...

genuine...

Monacans...

real Moni...

"Mongasques".

Vazniek!

You're right, Granny!

Les Tuches, I have to do it.

You'll spend...

some time in town.

Take it all in.

Oh, yeah! Shopping!

I love you, Dad.

Cathy, you can you get me...

some batteries?

I think we'll be happy here.

I didn't find anything.

~ This is great, Monaco.

~ 2 km.

~ Whatever.

~ Stop, you two.

We're going over there.

Stay natural, don't show we're newcomers.

Donald, stand up straight.

Wil, stop with this. Let's fly away.

Where to?

To find a point of view to see our home town.

Vazniek.

Hello.

It's beautiful.

All of these flats!

That must be the suburbs!

Donald, check out the boats.

They look like toys.

There's the Rock.

It's there!

Are we allowed to approach it, Captain?

~ Do you think we will see Stphanie?

~ At this time of day,...

she must be at work.

I know where to find her.

Vazniek!

When I think she comes here.

You should tell Dad not pee in the pool.

~ Wil...

~ I know they're there.

You shifted his massage to 4 PM,...

~ He will provide this in the steam room.

~ Sir, behind you.

Can I help you?

Don't bother,...

we just here to join the club.

Is she here, the Princess Stphanie,

swimming?

It's hard to say. We'll go see.

Wait. To enter, you need a sponsor.

I have one, but he's in Bordeaux.

That's what comes from separating. Everyone knew,...

the neighbors,...

his wife...

Sorry, I don't understand you.

We forgot:
we won the lottery.

It's not about money. In Menton,...

there are lots of things.

Menton, yet? We want to go there.

We have to wait until you friends who will make you welcome.

Have you just arrived?

Yeah, from Bouzolles.

In France?

~ By Limarais.

~ I don't know it.

~ In a camper?

~ No,...

in Alain Delon's room.

We're in L'htel Royal, in Monaco.

The poor...

Sorry, I can't let you enter.

In my lifetime, I mean. Good day.

~ I'm going to blow up his mouth.

~ Well, that's fine.

Look at us. We look like tourists.

We'll go back.

To be accepted,...

we would have to...

make a great effort.

First thing to do: become homeowners.

My father had already thought about this.

Fuchs, this villa is the gem of the Rock.

6000 m of garden decoration signed by...

~ Garcia.

~ Sergeant Garcia?

No.

He has no time, he's busy with Zorro.

I suppose.

Jos Garcia?

No, Jacques Garcia, the decorator.

I don't know him.

We'll see an exotic greenhouse, a pool,...

a wonderful place.

Mr. Fuche?

Mr. Fuche?

Mr. Fuche!

In the master bedroom...

Claudia Schiffer has slept here.

I sleep with Alain Delon.

That's good. Well, then, the room?

It won't...

It won't...

It won't...

~ Well?

~ It won't...

Ah, Mr. Muche. So, then?

It won't...

Well, Mr. Buche?

It won't...

Well, Mr. Vuche?

This will do.

But my name's Tuche, with a T. Like "Mr. T".

You're there or you're not there? Which are you?

You're not here? Ah, you ARE here!

With a T, like Tuche. Like you're here. Tuche.

Well, I'm here.

Ahead a little.

There you go.

You can open your eyes.

~ Where are we?

~ You don't recognize your room?

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Go on and open it, my darling.

And that's not all.

For Granny, a fountain of Suze.

Vazniek!

And for you,...

a fry stand!

And there...

our new house!

OH!

Wow, the house of bastards.

9 bedrooms, 6 full bathrooms, 2 kitchens, a swimming pool,...

3 drawing rooms, 7 half baths, and 5,000 m garden overlooking the bay of Monaco.

We had the most beautiful property on the Rock.

It only remained to get to know everyone.

Jean-Wa!

Jean-Wa!!

Jean-Wa, please!

Shut up, I'm working!

Stop with the ball.

Is that how you speak to your son?

Habibi.

Go on, go.

Let's go to the party at the Tuches'.

~ You're not coming?

~ The Tuches'?

The new neighbors...

who won the lottery.

Your good taste among rednecks?

~ It would please your son!

~ I'm busy.

Stop with this camera. Here we go again.

Neighbors? Give me a break! Dad's right.

Don't you want a laugh?

Seen like that, OK. I'm ready.

But to put it another way,...

you're older than 20.

I don't understand, we invited the whole neighborhood.

There'll be more for us.

~ Listen!

~ It can't be the tadpole, I paid!

Hello.

Hello.

Mouna El Assad. My daughter, Salma,...

and my son, Jean-Wallid Junior. Here.

~ Thank you, you needn't have.

~ It's nice.

Cathy Tuche. My husband, Jeff Tuche.

My daughter, my princess,...

Stphanie.

My son...my burden in life...

Wilfried.

And my little champion,...

Donald.

And also Granny Suze...

who's asleep.

Oh, my, come in!

Come in! You're the first to arrive.

~ I'm hallucinating.

~ Stop it.

~ It's a...

~ A photo booth.

If you need pictures,...

feel free.

Don't bother going...

to the station.

I've never done that.

So go in a group,...

it's funny.

You adjust the seat. You turn.

In the frame. Press the red button.

That's fine.

~ And then we choose.

~ OK.

And Mouna for a heap!

Specialty of the Tuches.

What does she want, mayo, ketchup, cocktail sauce?

Nothing, thanks.

Plain! With salt. It's good, salt.

Without it, you won't get thirsty.

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