Letters from the Big Man Page #3

Take the dog.

Find out.

See the kids.

Ask their names.

Show them a picture of their father.

This place reminds me

of New York, you know?

God. Everything's big.

Everything's bloody huge.

Even the breakfasts, man -

double helpings of everything -

French fries, coffee, rye toast,

wheat toast, muffins,

cheese, wee bits of salmon -

for breakfast, mind you - brilliant!

And eggs -

15 different ways of doing eggs.

I used to go to a wee cafe.

Where was it? Second Avenue.

A wee waitress there -

she used to do them over-easy.

And I'm not just talking eggs here.

Bernice was her name,

a wee Jewish lass.

Frankie! No, listen to me, man.

I can tell you -

take the worries off your mind -

mental relaxation - very important.

Listen. Watch my words, Frankie.

Take the stupid f***ing

dog back to Beth, right?

Is that not Gordon's Volvo?

You can see he does very well

for himself - nicely dressed.

Still single. He can afford it.

Nothing to be ashamed of.

He's coming this way!

Gordon, hello! Come in.

Thank you.

How's the doctor's life these days?

Well, thriving - people dropping

like flies, Mrs Haggerty.

Good, good.

It's all right, mother.

Right. We'll see you later.

Bye, Mum.

See you later.

Good, aye.

Bye, Mum.

Bye, Gordon. Bye-bye.

Bye, Gordon. Bye, Mum.

Christ. Danny.

INSECTS CHIRP:

Kick. Kidney.

Knee.

Elbow.

Right, Peter. With speed.

When I need this bullshit,

I'll ask you.

I don't need to hit a man like that.

Bare knuckles, son.

No feet. No butting, no kicking.

A knock-down ends the round.

You get 30 seconds' rest before

you have to be back to the line.

The last man standing in the line is

the winner. I told you. I fight fair.

I'll beat him clean.

When you're up to your elbows

in blood and shite, son,

you'll be no gentleman.

Don't worry, son.

Look at that pie, it'll give

you heart attack at 20 paces.

I know.

Why do people eat things that

are bad for them? They enjoy it.

Well, you're a doctor.

You should set an example.

It's too late. I'm beyond help!

That sounds like unethical behaviour.

Beth, I spend my life

committing unethical behaviour.

Well, you can get me

another drink, then.

What do you want? Another half? No.

A gin and tonic, a double.

Are you sure?

I'm a married woman with kids.

Do you think I can't handle

a couple of gins and an

unethical doctor at lunch time?

OK.

You'll get me struck off! Good.

Heel. Behave. Do as you're told.

Get in. Heel. Heel. Now, sit. Sit

down, and don't piss in my shoes,

or you're a meat pie, Billy the dog.

If you go back with the dog,

he'll know there's trouble.

What are you going to do, Frankie?

Ah, lies.

We'll tell lies.

Yeah, but what are you

going to do about the dog?

I don't know.

Look at these fellows, Danny.

Where are they now?

"Out of pain comes glory".

You know, I've never been a

great believer in that myself.

Perhaps you've never had to fight

for something you believe in.

Every day. Every day. Every day.

What do you believe in?

God.

You believe in God?

I believe.

I believe God's a f***ing hard case.

Look at the way he works -

no hanging about.

When your contract's terminated,

it's terminated -

no pride, no pity, no mercy.

"Out of pain comes glory." No.

This is all there is.

I see something different to that.

No.

We're the same, you and me, Danny.

You like to win!

I'm not like you.

I'm doing this because you pay me.

You ever lost a fight, Danny?

Just the once.

Who was that?

My father.

I was a cocky boy.

I hit a man for no reason,

just because I felt like it.

He didn't want to fight.

I broke his jaw.

My father took me

out the back door

and hammered me.

Maybe you weren't trying, hmm?

I was in the wrong -

a bad corner to come out of.

Oh, surely you're not

superstitious, Danny, eh?

My father told me that day, "If you

can't fight for the right reasons,

keep your hands in your pockets."

You know, for a man

that's unemployed,

you've still got a taste

for luxuries.

INSECTS CHIRP:

Now, listen, Billy,

I want you to understand this.

This is absolutely nothing personal,

right?

And I'm sure you appreciate

my hands are absolutely tied.

I mean, if I take you back,

the sh*t's really going

to hit the fan, isn't it?

And I know deep in my heart

if the positions were reversed,

you would do exactly the same.

HORN HONKS:

For God's sake, hurry up!

Oh, please, don't wag your tail!

HE YELPS:

Do you like our house?

It's some house.

Are you interested in painting?

House painting.

Is that humour

or just your class showing?

HE TUTS:

Never seen a scrubbing brush.

Nor have these. Danny.

Danny was just admiring our house.

Some of my neighbours

think this is no place

for a boy from the Gallowgate.

If my mother had seen this

she'd have gone down on her

hands and knees to scrub it.

Do you know the Gallowgate, Danny?

Rough, is it? Not there now,

bricks and rubble - social progress.

You met my daughter Mel, eh?

This is my wife Margaret. Hello.

(My second wife.)

And this is my second daughter.

Where do you come from, Danny?

Thornbank. Is Thornbank a nice town?

It's not Disneyland. Excuse me.

Have you ever lost a fight, Danny?

Ask your daddy.

Well... Well what?

Well, did you take back the dog?

Aye. I, eh, dropped it in.

What did she say? Who?

Beth. Oh, Beth, of course.

She sends her love, man,

sends all her very best of love,

and she would have brought the kids,

but she didn't want to distract you.

I'll tell you, she's some woman,

that Beth.

Any other woman would be after you

with a frying pan, but not Beth.

She and the kids are rooting

for you, Big Man. Just ask Eddie.

Oh, get me out of here! Danny!

Danny!

There's women here -

Sandra and Melanie.

Why do you think God made them

with such naughty bits?

Why don't you take the pair

of them yourself, eh?

Having a good time

isn't compulsory, you know?

You want to give

yourself a bad time.

Relax. Enjoy.

This time next week

we'll be farting through silk.

Just thump on the wall if

we disturb you, won't you?

Can't promise to be quiet.

MOANING THROUGH WALL

WOMAN SCREAMS:

Oh, please don't hurt him!

F***ing let me go,

you f***ing bastards!

Please don't. Stop it!

Oh, Jesus!

Yes! Come here.

Danny, what the f***?!

What's going on...

Oh, my God.

Why? Why?!

You don't understand.

You don't know what it's like.

I heard about a dog once - made

it back all the way from Singapore.

Still a f***ing liar!

God, ever since we were kids -

ever since you were in short

trousers, always a f***ing liar.

That was a matter

of diplomacy, Danny.

Speak to me, Frankie. Speak to me.

Let me put my trousers on. No!

Danny!

Danny, don't be a bloody...

Get out of my face.

Danny, it was just a guy in a Volvo.

It could have been a

driving instructor.

Sod it!

Who the f*** does he think he is?

I set up this fight. I'm not going

to take this sh*t! I know the score.

He's a f***ing loser.

He was always a loser.

He always WILL be a f***ing loser.

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