Liar Liar Page #2

[ Chuckles ]

[ Keyboard Tapping ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Computer Beeps,

Printer Chatters ]

Hey, creepy.

Happy birthday.

How old are you now,

- l'm five, Dad.

- Okay.

Return the beer keg.

Cancel the dancing girls.

- [ Giggles ]

- l don't know what l'm gonna do.

l feel completely unprepared

for this.

You see, l bought you a present,

but last night...

l accidentally swallowed it.

- Dad, it's in your belly !

- Scalpel.

l hope it's not

partially digested !

Ooh ! Look out !

- Cool ! What is it ?

- Cool !

lt's-- lt's a surprise.

All right, it's a pony.

Just open it !

l'm gonna help,

'cause l can't stand it !

- Baseball stuff !

- Baseball stuff !

Cool ! Can we play ?

l'll be Nomo. You can be

Jose Canseco. Can we play ?

- Absolutely.

- Yeah !

[ Laughs ] Right after your party

tonight, we'll do it.

You and me.

l just have to really

concentrate on this right now.

[ Printer Chattering ]

[ Horn Honks ]

Hi !

Hey ! Happy birthday.

- Thanks, Mom.

- Happy birthday, Max !

One, two, three, four, five.

And one for good luck !

He struck the child.

Did you see that ?

- Look at what Dad got me !

- Whoa ! Great !

Hey, l have my glove

in the car.

Maybe we can stop at the park

on the way home and play catch.

Then tonight we can rub oil in it

and wrap a big rubber band around it.

lt'll be great.

Hey, great gift, Dad !

Thanks, son. l'm so glad my gift

could bring those two together.

My plan to phase myself out

is almost complete.

Something's come up,

and we need to talk.

Come on, Mom.

l want to go play !

And actually it's kind of important,

so maybe we could talk tonight ?

- Tonight ?

- Yes.

- Max's birthday party.

- Oh ! Yeah.

Sure. Of course.

We'll talk then. Great !

- Maximus ! l'm outta here.

- Bye, Dad.

Jerry, enjoy my wife.

- [ Chuckles Wickedly ]

- [ Engine Starts ]

Hmm.

Well, this is good.

This is really smart.

- Thank you.

- Only--

Well, it's not true.

Does that present a problem ?

Mrs. Cole,

the only problem here...

is that after you've provided years

of faithful service and loving support,

of raising his children--

they are his ?

Huh ? Oh. Yeah, yeah.

One for sure.

After all that, your husband

wants to deny you...

- a fair share of the assets based

on one act of indiscretion.

- Seven.

- Pardon me ?

- Seven single acts of indiscretion.

Seven acts of indiscretion,

only one of which he has

any evidence of...

and all of which he himself

is responsible for.

- He is ?

- Mrs. Cole.

You're the victim here.

The wife of a cold, distant workaholic.

Starved for affection, driven

into the arms of another man !

- Seven.

- Yeah, whatever !

You're not trying to deny him

what is rightfully his.

- All you're insisting on

is what is rightfully yours.

- Yeah.

And maybe a...

[ Puffs ] fraction more.

l think you're

bending over backwards.

Yeah. l did offer to

give him joint custody of the kids.

He is, after all,

a wonderful father.

And how does he repay you ?

By dragging you through

a painful litigation process !

No, no, no, no !

This can't happen !

With all due respect, this isn't

about you and Mr. Cole anymore.

This is about all women.

Where would Tina Turner be

right now if she'd rolled over and said,

"Hit me again, lke,

and put some stank on it ?"

Rollin' on the river,

that's where she'd be.

But she's beyond Thunderdome,

because she decided to send a message.

Wake up, sisters !

There's no-o-o-o-o-o...

such thing as a weaker sex !

[ Panting ]

You know what ?

You're right, Mr. Reede. l am

tired of getting kicked around !

Good for you !

Thank you.

l am so grateful...

to have an attorney

l can trust.

[ Gasps ]

Oh, you are good.

[ Laughs ]

You are very, very good.

The Cole case is worth

a truckload of money to this firm.

lf you win, l guarantee

you'll make partner.

Aw.

ln fact, how would you

like to make...

a partner right now, hmm ?

Oh, l don't know.

l should--

Mmm.

Happy, happy, happy

happy, happy, happy

Happy

l'm so happy today

- l live in the U.S.A.

- So honey ?

Have you, uh,

thought about--

- You know, what we talked about ?

- Uh, yeah. l can't go.

What ? Wh-Why not ?

- Because of Max.

- But he'll love it there.

l'm gonna take him

to Fenway Park.

There's hiking

and camping--

Well, really,

it's... Fletcher.

Fletcher ?

Come on, honey.

He wouldn't even come over

unless you reminded him.

l know, but when he does

come over, Max is so happy.

lt's like they have their

own little world together.

- The gipper and l have that too !

- l know, but it's different.

- How ?

- Well--

He does the claw.

- The what ?

- The claw.

You know, it's like this--

l don't-- [ Growls ]

[ lmitating Fletcher ] Run for you life.

lt's the claw ! The claw !

[ Laughs ] Mmm.

l can't really do it that good.

That's not the point.

- The point is...

- [ Phone Ringing ]

if they're 3,000 miles apart,

they're never gonna see each other.

Fletcher's never gonna

come to Boston.

- [ Ringing Continues ]

- Hello.

- Audrey ?

- Fletcher ! Where are you ?

We're waiting. Max won't cut the cake

until you get here.

Um-- Oh, man !

Actually, something

has come up. l've--

l've got this problem

on a new case.

- What happened ?

- Nothing !

l stubbed my toe

on the desk !

l'm really sorry,

but l just can't make it.

The boss is, uh,

really ridin' me.

Fletcher, it's his birthday !

l know, l know.

l'll make it up to him,

l promise. l'll pick him up

from school tomorrow, okay ?

- You're gonna pick him up ?

- Yes !

All right, hold on a minute.

You can say happy birthday.

- No ! Gotta go ! Good-bye.

- [ Cord Snaps ]

Hello.

[ Everyone ]

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Max

Happy birthday to you

Okay, birthday boy.

Make a wish.

Come on, Max.

lt can be anything you want.

Anything in the whole world.

Max.

Your father is sorry.

He had to work.

He said he was gonna

be here. He promised.

l know, but he promises that

he is gonna see you tomorrow.

Okay ? He's gonna pick you up

from school. All right ?

So come on.

Make a wish.

[ Thinking ]

l wish that for only one day...

Dad couldn't tell a lie.

[ Everyone Cheering ]

Mmm. That was incredible.

Was it good for you ?

l've had better.

[ Gasping ]

"l've had better" ?

[ Buzzing ]

"l've had better" ?

"l've had better."

[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughing ]

- [ Sighs ]

- [ Elevator Bell Dings ]

- Hi.

- Hi.

- New in the building ?

- Yeah, l just moved in Monday.

- Oh ! You like it so far ?

- Everybody's been real nice.

Well, that's because

you have big jugs.

l mean, your b*obs

are huge.

l mean, l wanna

squeeze 'em. [ Gasps ]

Mama.

[ Sucking Sounds ]

- [ Slap ]

- [ Elevator Bell Dings ]

- Any change, mister ?

- Absolutely.

- Could you spare some ?

- Yes, l could.

- Will ya ? How come ?

- Mm-mm.

Because l believe

you will buy booze with it !

l just wanna get to the office

without being confronted by the

decay of Western society !

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