Liar Liar Page #3

Plus, l'm cheap !

[ Gasps ]

Jerk off !

[ Bangs ]

[ Thud ]

You look like you're

having a rough morning.

Ding, ding, ding !

What do we have for her, Johnny ?

- Fletcher.

- Dana.

All right, Samantha. How much

will it take to put an end to all this ?

- Fifty percent of your estate.

- [ Scoffs ] Fifty percent ?

With a pre-nup and proof of adultery ?

What's your case ?

Our case is simply this.

[ Unable To Speak ]

B-- M--

N-n-n-n--

H-h-h-h--

l-l-l-l-l--

[ Clears Throat, Spits ]

Mmm.

[ Roars ]

Uh--

[ Sputtering

Nonsense Syllables ]

[ Nonsense Continues ]

Very funny, Fletcher !

You wanna play hardball ?

l'm game.

[ lmitating Dana ]

You wanna play hardball ? l'm game.

What are you doing ?

What is wrong with you ?

[ Bailiff ]

All rise for the Honorable

Judge Marshall Stevens.

Honorable ?

[ Blows Raspberry ]

Good morning.

Call case number BD-09395.

Samantha Cole vs. Richard Cole.

- How are we doing

this morning, Counsel ?

- Fine. Thank you.

- And you, Mr. Reede ?

- l'm a little upset about a bad

sexual episode last night.

[ Spectators Tittering ]

Well, you're still young.

lt'll happen more and more.

ln the meantime, what do you say

we get down to business ?

- First, Mr. Reede, l see--

- l would like a continuance !

This case has been delayed

several times, Mr. Reede.

l realize that, Your Honor, but l would

really, really like a continuance.

l'll have to hear

good cause, Counsel.

What's the problem ?

l can't lie !

Commendable, Mr. Reede, but

l'm waiting to hear good cause.

Do you have one or not ?

- Not.

- Motion for continuance denied.

ls there any chance

of a settlement in this case ?

l don't think so, Your Honor.

- But Mr. Reede has made it

clear he has no desire--

- Settle !

- Settle, settle, settle, settle !

- l don't want to settle.

Mr. Reede. You convinced me

yesterday, l'm the victim !

l'm starved for affection.

l'm driven into the arms of another man.

- Seven !

- Yeah, whatever.

With the story you came up with,

l don't think we can lose.

- l want to proceed.

- Mrs. Cole, you don't understand.

Mr. Reede.

Do we have a settlement ?

[ Shouts ] No !

- No, Your Honor.

- There's no settlement.

Trial to commence 1:30 sharp.

[ Retches ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Elevator Bell Dings ]

lt was me !

Hi, Mr. Reede !

Like the new dress ?

Whatever takes the focus

off your head.

- What's up, Fletcher ?

- Your cholesterol, fatty !

Dead man walkin'.

- Hey, Fletcher.

- Hey ! You're not important

enough to remember.

- What's it gonna be, Mr. Reede ?

- A pockmark, eventually !

Don't ask !

For God's sakes, don't ask.

All right.

You can beat this.

lt's all a matter

of willpower !

A test. Something small.

Red. Red. All right ?

Now focus.

The color of this pen

is r-r-r--

The color of this pen...

is re-e-e-e-e--

Re-e-e-e--

The color of the pen

that l hold in my hand...

is r-r-r-r--

r-r-royal blue !

[ Yelps ]

One lie, and l can't say it !

l'll write it.

[ Yelling ]

Write it ! Write it,

or l'll break it off !

[ Chuckling Victoriously ]

Agh ! No !

Come on ! Stop it.

[ Screaming ]

Boss ? What happened ?

The pen is blue.

The pen is blue !

The goddamn pen is blue !

Mr. Reede, are you all right ?

- l gotta go home.

- Home ? Was the case settled ?

No ! l have to be

in court at 1:
30 !

- Then how are you going to go home ?

- l don't know. l don't know.

Okay. Uh, Mr. Reede,

Reuben and Dunn called.

They need to know where the

Darby settlement offer stands.

l just proposed a settlement

to dick with them ! [ Gasps ]

Dick with them.

Got it.

- And your mother called.

Are you still on vacation ?

- No.

- Then you're here ?

- Yes.

Thank you for clearing

that up, sir.

And your ex-wife called.

She wants to know when you're

coming to pick up your son.

Oh, l'm such a sh*t !

[ Phone Ringing ]

- Hello.

- Audrey ?

Fletcher, hi. Are you still picking

Max up from school today ?

Here's the thing.

l really can't !

l had a case l was certain

would settle, and it didn't,

and l have to go to court.

- Right.

- lt's true ! l really

want to see Max today !

[ Softly ]

l really do.

Uh-huh, but things just keep coming up

at the last minute.

- Yes, but this time it's different.

- l see. How is that ?

- Now l'm telling the truth.

- And last night you weren't.

Well, what were you doing ?

Having sex !

Well, l hope that it was

with someone very special.

No ! That's the thing. l don't even

like her, but she's a partner.

l thought l could help my career

by makin' her squeal. [ Screams ]

Aah !

What's wrong with me ?

l'm getting what l deserve.

l'm reaping what l sow. l'm--

[ Children Chattering ]

- ls Dad still picking me up ?

- No, Max, he's not.

l'm sorry, but l'm gonna

pick you up, okay ?

l'll work it out.

l guess my wish

didn't come true.

- What wish ?

- l wished that for just one day

Dad couldn't tell a lie.

[ Bell Ringing ]

Max ?

l have something important

to talk to you about, okay ?

- Okay.

- Okay.

[ Phone Ringing ]

- Hello ?

- Audrey ! Let me explain.

Something has happened to me.

Well, something else

is about to happen to you.

Max and l are moving to Boston.

- What ?

- Jerry has asked me to marry him,

and Max and l are going

this weekend to look at houses.

l thought it was semiserious !

lt's just been given

a violent shove into serious.

You can't move to Boston;

l'll never see Max !

You'll have the same relationship

you have with him now, won't you ?

- Where are you ?

- l'm going home.

When you get there, just stay there.

l'm comin' over. We have to talk.

- Fletcher !

- l'll be right there.

- Hey, Mr. Reede--

- La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la

[ Singing Nonsense ]

[ Bell Dings ]

- Fletcher.

- Holy hell !

You can run,

but you can't hide.

[ Tires Squealing ]

What's your problem, schmuck ?

l'm an inconsiderate prick !

[ Siren Wailing ]

Oh, sh*t !

Sh*t !

- You know why l pulled you over ?

- Depends on how long

you were following me !

- Why don't we take it from the top ?

- Here goes.

l sped, l followed too closely,

l ran a stop sign,

l almost hit a Chevy, l sped

some more, l failed to yield,

l changed lanes without

signaling while speeding !

- ls that all ?

- No.

l have unpaid parking tickets.

[ Groans ]

Be gentle.

Audrey ! Wait !

Wait, Audrey. Ooh !

Hold on. Wait !

Wait. l just had an insight

into myself. l'm crazy.

You call and say,

"Wait, l'll be right over,"

and here's the crazy part--

l actually wait.

- l can explain this.

- l have missed a department meeting.

- Did you come in a cab ?

- Yes !

Where's your car ?

Thank you ! l can't tell you

how much this means to me.

- l can. $1,654.11.

- How do you sleep at night ?

l'm takin' this.

[ lnhales Loudly ]

[ Loud Crunch ]

[ Tires Squealing ]

You scratched my car !

- Where ?

- Right there !

Oh, there.

That was already there.

Why, you !

You liar !

-You know what l'm gonna do about this ?

-What ?

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