Liberated: The New Sexual Revolution Page #5

where there's lots of lessons

about manhood that boys

from the earliest ages are absorbing.

And it's saying that being a man

means being powerful,

being in control,

being in control of yourself,

in control of situations.

It means getting the respect of others.

I mean, it's so deeply embedded,

this--this idea of manhood as powerful.

And that's profoundly

influential in shaping

men's sexual self-understanding.

Hope you understand that, b*tch

B*tch, I'm the man

Ho, I'm the man

You know I'm the man

B*tch, I'm the man

Yeah

Ho, I'm the man

You know I'm the man

B*tch, I'm the man

- Yeah

- Ho, I'm the man

- Yeah

- You know I'm the man

Know I'm the man, know I'm the man

[Sut Jhally] Masculinity in this culture

is about

a notion of--of male strength.

And then women play into that.

Women [chuckles] are one of the--

one of the ways in which

you can express that power.

Women are one of the ways in which--

on--on whose bodies

you express that power.

And so, real men, you know,

sleep with a lot of women.

If you're a real man,

you're a player, you're a guy.

You know, I mean, it's the ideal.

Don't rush into cinco, start with Dos.

Please welcome Instagram's most loved

and hated man, Dan Bilzerian.

[audience cheers]

One of the reasons I started

the Instagram stuff was just

so I could get laid without,

like, actually, like,

having conversations.

[audience laughs]

[host] You've banged as many as four women

in one night, right?

-[Dan] Yeah.

-[host] Wow.

Wish you could

teach me to be a man.

[Robert] In pop culture,

sex is seen as something

that young men do to validate

their--thier own masculinity.

It's a vehicle for young men

towards self-esteem.

We just want to know something, OK?

Are you going to be f***ing that later,

or you going to be a little wimp, huh?

How do you know I haven't already?

Ah, sh*t, boy.

Get out of here.

I think it's past your bedtime.

Run along.

I always say that masculinity

is really a performance.

It's a performance that boys, uh,

do for other boys.

And so, what ends up happening

is that girls become part

of how boys prove their

masculinity to each other.

It's all about a chance for them to prove,

hey, I got the hottest girlfriend

or I have this--this many girlfriends.

And so she's not necessarily a girl

with a name and identity,

but she's an opportunity

for me to prove my masculinity

to my friends.

[Benny] What does it mean

to you to be a man?

What's it mean to be a man?

[Benny] Define masculinity.

[man] Well, uh, as a man, I can...

I'm different from girls because,

just like I said,

girls may, uh, choose yes, no, all right?

I'd--I'd f*** any girl here.

That's--that's just me,

and I feel that's just a man.

That's--that's what we were

put on this earth to do.

Yeah.

-[Benny] That's it?

-That's it.

And... And work out, big muscles,

get these girls.

Like, those b*obs, holy sh*t.

[Benny] Are you going

to go pick up on her?

Oh, I've been talking to her.

Her name's Jenna or some-- Yeah, Jenna.

-[woman] Ellen.

-[man] What?

Ellen!

-[Dan] Ellen?

-Ellen.

We can go back to my room.

[Ellen screams, chuckles]

I'm not going back to your room.

You both can come.

[Ellen] There's no way.

I'm not drunk enough.

[Dan] Yeah, you are.

No, I'm not. I'm not.

Sorry, Dan.

[Ellen]He can't pick us up.

He couldn't pick us up.

My pick up line didn't work.

See, I got denied again.

But it's on to the next girl.

Today, guys rate you on

how many girls you get

if you really think about it.

Like, some guys look up

to you just because of that.

I feel like--

I feel like a lot of it's like,

you know, being like in a pack, you know?

Like, if you're the dude that's having sex

with the most girls,

you're the cooler dude

and stuff like that, you know, like...

[all cheering]

Sex, it's kind of like

bragging rights to my boys, you know?

Who doesn't like to say

I hooked up with a girl?

Whoo!

Well, this man's on, like,

count number four already, I think.

I ain't going to lie.

I f***ed like 25 of them hoes

without a condom.

That's what I thought.

That's when you know you with the sh*t.

Like I said, I had sex in a port-a-potty.

[man] I had sex-- I had sex on the beach.

My man.

[man] For me and him,

we're always going for the BBD

the Bigger Better Deal.

-[man 1] Bigger Better Deal.

-[man 2] The Bigger Better Deal.

I mean, you look at pornos,

they have all these categories.

It's like, big tits,

big asses, I mean like--

Asian.

So, you're always just like,

"What am I feeling right now?"

Because, like, you can look at

like 20 different girls

at one time, just like here's a girl.

OK, she's hot.

I'm going to X out this one.

I'm going to find a different girl.

Like, you go black, Asian,

f***ing Chinese,

and like just keep on mixing it up.

And that's what is moving you

away from relationship

is just the BBD factor,

the bigger better deal.

It's al-- There's always someone

that can be better.

Always a girl that can be hotter,

always a girl that can have a bigger butt,

always a girl that can have bigger tits,

always a girl that could have better tits

than the one that you're with right now.

You're not looking for a girl that's cool,

you're looking

for a girl that's sexy as f***

so that you can bring her out,

and so when people look, like,

"Damn, that dude's killing it

because that girl's sexy as f***."

You're looking

for the neck-breakers, dude.

The girl-- The girls that guys

are turning their necks for.

-Give us a minute.

-[man] OK.

[speaking indistinctly]

[woman] It's getting fancy here.

[Caroline] It makes complete sense

to me that men

would engage in hookup culture,

because they get the proverbial

bro fist bump, right?

Uh, they get attention, uh,

for sleeping with women.

In fact, the more you sleep with,

the cooler,

tougher, more manly you are assumed to be.

But at the end of the day,

I think there are a lot of men

who don't want to do that,

but they feel a lot of social pressure

to do that from other men

in order to get their validation

for being a real man.

As boys, to become men,

you're taught that you're supposed

to always want to have sex,

you're supposed to always

want to be on the prowl.

You're never supposed to turn sex down.

If you're a boy, and a girl

wants to have sex with you

and you say, "I don't want to have sex,"

that's extremely deflating

to your manhood.

To the extent that you haven't slept with

a lot of women,

and yet the culture says,

"A real man sleeps with a lot of women,"

that puts a lot of anxiety in terms

of what your relationships

with women should be.

It puts a lot of anxiety into,

"Well, I've got to sleep

with someone really quickly,

I've got to have sex quickly

so I can be a real man."

And I think that has its own level

of anxiety that is built into it,

that masculinity isn't just

this one dimensional thing

where, you know,

men go around acting tough.

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