Liberated: The New Sexual Revolution Page #6

Men are full of these insecurities,

men are full of these anxieties

about not measuring up.

Uh, let me tell you something,

[stammers] a boy said to me once

that I think really captures this.

He--he said that in school,

there was pressure on him to date.

This is the first year of high school.

And he was resisting that.

He said there were even girls

who were telling him

he was cute and they would

like to go out with him,

and he didn't want to do that.

And I said, "Why?"

And he said, "I just want

to be a kid as long as I can.

I mean, I just want some space

where I don't have to

always be on sexually."

But the culture was demanding it of him.

His peers were demanding of it.

The media he was consuming

was demanding of it.

I think that a whole lot of kids who,

if they could verbalize it,

would say something like that,

"I just want to be a kid

for as long as I can."

I've got 16 close friends,

and I was laughed at for...

[stammers] Probably about four of us

who were virgins after 16.

And it was constant,

"Oh, you're still a virgin?

Why are you still a virgin?

Let's go out. We'll get you a girl,

we'll get you nailed," all this.

And I was kind of a bit

taken aback from it

because I don't think I was--

I don't think I was quite ready.

I don't think I was quite ready

to lose my virginity when I did.

And I did, and it wasn't--

It wasn't magical,

it wasn't, like, special.

It wasn't... and it was with someone

who wasn't a virgin as well.

[Benny] But you felt a tremendous

amount of pressure?

No. [scoffs] Serious pressure.

But then once it was done,

it was almost like a pressure was lifted,

but I was like,

"Well, what was the--what was the point?

-Like..."

-[Benny] Were you not together with her?

No, my first time, I had...

it was a one night stand, and it was...

the whole night was peer pressured

into it happening.

And I was just-- It happened through...

like I said,

it was a mixture of, like, alcohol,

it was a mixture of

like a forceful kind of attitude.

It was all right.

Looking back now and thinking

I'm 23-years-old now,

and I was probably--

I was turning 19 when I lost my virginity.

-Shut up.

-Wow.

-[Benny] Really?

-Yeah.

[laughs]

See, the thing is, though,

like how old were you?

[Shep] What?

Honestly, how old were you?

Not lying because I know

a lot of liars back home--

Can we cut this bit?

No? All right, sweet.

-Honestly?

-[Adam] Yeah.

Fifteen.

But then you know what you

said about peer pressure?

Like, my group of mates back home,

there was like seven of us.

We had a bet the last one to lose it

would have something ridiculous.

And it was literally coming down to, like,

the last two of us.

And it was like, "F***, I have to do it."

-So, then you step up to the plate...

-[woman] Isn't that fun?

...and luckily I done it--

I done it with a girl that I had,

like, a lot of respect for.

Like, been that close with her for,

like, so many years, like seven years.

And it was like I'm glad

that I lost it to her

rather than anyone else.

If I lost it with someone else--

[Benny] Did you--

Did you feel peer pressured into it?

Yeah, of course you do.

Especially if you got a bet

with all your mates,

who's the last one to lose it,

you don't want to be the last one there.

[Adam] But then do you--

Do you think your virginity

should be a bet?

[Shep] No, but it's--

[Adam] I don't think it

should be a bet, but it was.

And you don't-- like, you don't want to be

the last one of your mates

to be the virgin, do you?

I mean, is it a bigger

deal amongst guys though?

Because I feel like with girls it's like,

"Oh, you've lost your virginity," like--

If you were, like,

the last one to have sex

out of your group of mates,

you're almost like bullied,

you're laughed at. You're almost like,

"Ha ha! You're still a virgin."

It is a bit harsh.

[Shep] And like I said,

I don't know anyone

back home that hasn't-- yeah.

Even, like, your closest friends

will make fun of you for being a virgin?

Yeah, yeah, without a doubt.

They wouldn't even, like,

have respect for that?

Nope.

[Donna] Often, you know,

men talk about how

they have to have this careless attitude

about sex for other guys.

And so, part of proving

what it means to be a man today,

especially a young man at college,

is showing that you don't care

and showing that you're invulnerable

and that you don't feel things

for other people

in the context of sexual intimacy.

Whereas young women always get the message

about the desirable young woman,

what she looks like,

how she dresses, how she acts,

what she knows with regard to sex.

So, both young men and young women

are sometimes literally acting out

according to these stereotypes

or these expectations we have in culture.

[Kimmy] I come from Orange County,

California, so Southern California.

[Farrah] I'm from Calabasas, California,

which is also

Southern California, near LA.

I've never been on spring break.

I've never been on spring break.

Yeah, yeah.

But I want to do,

like, the whole rave sh*t,

table surfing sh*t, you know what I mean?

[Kimmy] So, coming on spring break,

we have a f***-it list,

and it's all the things

that we plan on doing before we leave.

-And one of them--

-It's a very short list.

-It's not like a...

-Very short. It's growing as we're here.

Yeah, it's not like--

We didn't come here with it.

-It's our first time on spring break.

-It's more of like, what's going on?

It's experiences, culture--

OK, that sounds cool.

Or like, "Oh, I bet this could happen.

Let's try and make it happen."

It's like a bucket list type of thing.

[Kimmy] But a f***-it list.

-[Farrah] Yeah, yeah.

-[Kimmy] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you're more than welcome

to come with us tonight

-and go party and find out...

-[Farrah laughs]

how the city is versus how the resort is.

Yeah, yeah.

You have to experience that one.

F***, yeah!

[upbeat music playing]

[knock on door]

-[man] Hi.

-Hi.

Come in.

We're just finishing up getting ready.

Excuse my voice. [chuckles]

[Farrah] We're just going to start.

[woman] So, can you ladies

kind of talk about

what tonight is going to look like?

That's a great question.

So I think we're--

A hot mess.

Hopefully.

[hesitates] I mean, she's hoping tonight's

going to be a hot mess.

I'm hoping--I'm hoping

that we get back safely. [chuckles]

When I say hot mess,

I mean, not per se, us,

what we see, what we experience is.

I mean, so far it has been.

We're not working

towards any particular goal,

but if something... if anything

really fun or crazy arises,

I'm not going to say no to it, so.

[woman] So,

what is your definition of fun?

Definition of fun?

[Farrah] Letting loose,

but not, just not...

[stammers] Being able to be carefree

and not have to worry about

being taken advantage of.

So, dancing on my own terms,

not someone trying to come up to me

and dance and trying

to initiate something.

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