Life Is Sweet Page #2

so why don't you just act normal

Andy

What?

How about having a little go

at the patio today? Please

Not today Wen

Why not?

It's gonna

rain ain't it

It don't look

like rain to me

I don't want to get all me sand and cement

out and have it piss down on me, do I?

Well have a go at the bathroom then

finish off me tiling

Yeah could do -

Really?

Hang on hang on -

What?

Ain't got

no grout

Oh typical

Well I can

get you grout

Eh? -

From work

Today?

Well no not today

it's Sunday, tomorrow

Water-proof grout?

Of course it's gonna be water-proof

grout, it's for a bathroom

Yeah there's grout and there's

water-proof grout isn't there

Allow me to know

Just make sure what you

get is water-proof grout

Don't panic, I'll get

you water-proof grout

Great, I'll do it

next weekend

Can I have that

in writing please

I have to say Wend

this lamb is delicious

Oh is it? good

and the tiles are in the cupboard

under the stairs right

Nice and pink, beautiful isn't it -

Yeah it's nice

Are you eating

yours missus

What's it

to you?

She cooked it

that's what it is to her

Oh shut up

goodie two shoes

What's it like in the first class

dining compartment then?

Listen if I choose to eat in my own

space that's my perogative, right

Hey do you want a

glass of low calorie H20?

Just leave

her alone

Oh there

she goes

It's the year

of the horse

Eh?

Chinese

Oh yeah, do you

want some more?

Yeah

Do you want some?

Yeah go

on then

Cut me a nice big juicy slice

you know that I like mine nice and juicy

Mother

No you can't

rush him

Yeah he's happy going

at that speed isn't he

Yeah, dead slow

and stop

It's the door

Well answer it

It's that

Patsy bloke

Open the

door Nicola

No I don't

know him

Course you

know him

Go on I've got wet hands -

So

Tell you what Nicola

you're an awkward cow

Oh don't

be sexist

Oh hello Patsy -

Hello Wendy

Alright

Sorry to bother you on

a Sunday like but eh...

I was wondering if Andy was in -

Yeah

Only I was hoping to catch him down

in the boozer like but I got a bit held up

Oh yeah

Had to go down

and see me old Mum

Oh did you

Yeah he's down the

bottom of the garden

Oh -

Do you want to see him?

Yeah alright

Here come

in then

Thanks very

much, terrific

Hello girls

Hello boys

Hang on

a minute

Patsy's here -

What

Patsy

Ah there he is, I'll just slip out

and see him if that's alright

Yeah that's alright

Patsy go on

Just watch yourself on that little step -

What?

That's the

one yeah

Andrew -

Hello Patsy how are you?

He must be in

a right state

He's had about

ten pints

Good job he's been

banned from driving

Nice hairstyle

Aw I bet his Wife did

those little streaks

She must of got one of them what's it's

one of them 3.99 kits from the chemists

What you let

him in for eh?

What was I

supposed to do?

Fascist

I tell you what though

I wouldn't trust him

I wouldn't trust anyone

wearing a suit like that

They cost about 300 quid

them suits y'know

What does he

do anyway?

He doesn't do

anything he's unemployed

Can have me hands on

anything in here, you name it

Bit of old rope

Christmas tree, guitar

Ah the old one armed

guitar player eh

Yeah I was gonna fix it up

put a new neck on it, new set of strings

Basically it's

a good box

Mothers don't let your children

grow up to be cowboys

Listen Andy eh do you want to

get yourself out the house for a while?

Hello my friend

I love them

She can't stand them

won't let them through the door

We got

two of them

Car boot sale

Twins

Here have you got

twenty minutes have you?

What for?

I've got

something for you

Listen Patsy whatever it is

I swear to God I can't afford it, I'm broke

Andrew I am advising you to

accompany me to a certain place

Where I'm going to

show you something

Where?

What is it?

I am not prepared to

reveal that at this stage

Why not?

It's a surprise

What is this?

Come on

do us a favour

Give us

a clue

No, shtoom is the word

if you don't go you'll never know

Be there or

be square

Nah

Alright, suit yourself

I'll see you

in a minute

How long are

you going to be

We'll be right back -

Where you going?

I don't know

Where're you

taking him Patsy?

Don't worry Wendy

a little magical mystery tour

Eh Andy you've still

got your hat on

Blimey, catch

Sure you two

haven't got a woman

What with

my luck?

What with a

beautiful girl like you?

Heard it

all before

See ya later

Dad, get us

twenty silk cut

Get your own -

Selfish pig

Oh it's

nice and hot

It's a bit

bright isn't it

That's it

That's right

Come on

get in

What can't get it in the hole?

hahaha shut up

Relax Andy relax

Oh hi Natalie

It's Nicola

Oh yeah sorry

I brought

a pineapple

What for?

For your Mum, y'know

Ah

Do you want

to come in?

Yeah thanks

very much

Shut the door

Oh yeah

There you go

Nobody in?

Nah

Do you want

to sit down?

Yeah yeah

thanks very much

So Andrew

what do you think?

I think it's a load of old crap

that's what I think

What's the matter with it? -

Look at the state of it

Nah, coat of paint

You're looking at

the future mate

This could be the catalyst

that sparks the revolution

This is what you've

always wanted

I want this like I want

a hole in the head

This is your chance to

break out of the rat race

We should

get a cat

Eh?

Get another

cat like Tigger

What a little kitten? -

Yeah

Nah

I don't want a moggy

scratching all me furniture

Why do you

want a cat?

No

I don't know

why I said it really

We could get a big Rottweiller

then it might eat Nicola

That's a

good idea

That's one way

of getting rid of her

We should

get a crocodile

My hair's

falling out

Yeah well stop

pulling it then

It still

falls out

It's really

nice hair

Are you taking

the piss?

No I mean it

I'm sincere

Bollocks

You're a really

attractive girl y'know

No I'm not

I'm too fat

Fat? What is fat?

It's all in the mind

Do you want

to put it down

Yeah

I think it's on the turn

but I didn't want to waste it

I had a few ideas

but, y'know

Why didn't

you eat it?

Great knees

Look at this

rust every where

There you go

lightning striking a cup of tea

It's falling apart the strong winds

the roof would come off

Here you are

have a look inside

I'm not going in there mate

I value my health to much

No no feel free

No way

Ripe isn't it

It's just a bit musty

needs a bit of air through it

I bet there's

something died in here

Are you sure this is

on the level Patsy?

Of course it is it

belongs to my brother

Look the

old griddle

Ah there she

is, beautiful

Haven't seen

those in a while

Ah she's still in

good nick though

You must be joking

it's f***ed isn't it

It's got everything

you need in here

I'm making a tea Nicola

do you want one?

Oh hello Aubrey -

Hello Wendy

What're you

doing here?

I brought you

a pineapple

Oh did you?

Oh isn't it a big one

Andy's not here

He's just popped out

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