Life Is Sweet Page #3

Yeah?

How long have

you been here?

Oh fifteen

twenty minutes

Oh you

haven't Aubrey

Straight up

Nicola -

What?

Why didn't you tell me Aubrey was here

you knew I was sitting out the back

No I never

Yes you did

Are you

calling me a liar?

Yes I am

calling you a liar

I thought you had

gone for a walk

Don't be so stupid I've never

been for a walk in me life have I

Sorry about this Aubrey -

No sweat

Come and have a little

seat in the garden

Take your coat off

get the sun on yourself

Well she's

a nice girl

Yeah nice with her

head in a bucket

Look at that

brilliant

Tell you what mate I'll let you have

these comestibles for nothing

I promise

you Andy

You go down White Hart Lane

on a Saturday for the home games

A man of your skills

a couple of hundred beef burgers

You'll make a fortune

I'm telling you

Excuse me guvnor

I'll have 4 hamburgers

3 egg burgers

A sausage roll and onion

a bacon egg and cheese roll

A tea, a bovril

and a large vodka

Sold to the man

with the beard

I have to admit Patsy

I am tempted

No

No regrets

No

No regret rien

Oh yeah that's what

I remember yeah

She sang it

in French

Yeah she was

from France

She was thin

She was thin

she was French

She dead though

ain't she

Yeah she was

a prostitute

So

Shut up

The sparrow

Yeah the little sparrow

that's right yeah

So are you all

set then Aubrey?

Got all your little menus

printed up and everything?

Oh yeah -

Yeah good

No I haven't actually

Oh blimey

when do you open?

Tuesday

Well it only gives you

a couple of days

How's everyone meant to know

what they want to eat

They might not

want to eat

Oh here

we go

Don't be stupid

it's a restaurant

So

It's alright by me if they don't want to eat

they can bask in the atmosphere

Oh blimey you're not going to make

much profit that way Aubrey

No manger-e

no sweat

That's daft

No it aint

Parisien

Why don't they

eat in Paris then?

Good one

Seven

Two-fifty

I'll come

down to six

Right three hundred

Five-fifty

So I'll give you three hundred now

and fifty when I've checked out the gear

Five hundred

Four hundred

Four fifty

Four twenty five

Alright done - right-

it's a deal

Cheers

Hang on hang on

drop the wheel

Drop the wheel

there you go

and up

Hey how about that

sweet as a nut

Genius

Just get parked up

be right back

Off you go

Oh Andy

What do

you think?

Oh Andy

you haven't

She loves

it Patsy

Look at it, mobile goldmine

I can feel it in me water

Oh Andy you're

joking me?

I'm not, I promise

God's truth, no word of a lie

Have you

bought it?

Yeah good

isn't it?

No -

Great

What do

you reckon?

Not much

Andy it's a heap

of rubbish

What do

you mean?

Well look at it

It's got

character isn't it

I love it

It's disgusting

Eh?

It's ecologically

unsound

You're ecologically

unsound

Bollocks

What do you

reckon Nat?

It's embarrassing

Eh?

Nah, you and me

soon get it licked into shape

You must

be joking

It's all rusty

No no Wendy

that is just superficial

Know what

I mean

Bit of treatment, nice coat of paint

it'll come up lovely

This is you

isn't it?

Eh?

Oh Patsy

Excuse me mate

if you don't mind

What?

Oh yeah

yeah cool

Isn't it great Aub?

Yeah yeah

yeah it's eh

The possibilities

are eh..y'know

Yeah it's all there, the works

all you need

Where're you going to keep it Andy?

'cause you're not keeping it here

Get a lock-up

or something

Andy

I'll be right with you mate

just give me what's it's

Andy

What's going

on Patsy?

Nothing

Well how much is he

paying you for it then?

Well that is not for

me to say Wendy

You're behaving

like a big kid

Don't be cheeky

Alright Patsy

Andy where're

you going?

Ten minutes Wend

Where're you going

I'll be right back -

Bye bye Wendy

Andy

What's he doing?

Getting conned

As usual

Aubrey are

you alright?

Oh blimey

I thought you had

copped it then

Yeah sorry it went

up on me there

Yeah

I wondered what

was happening and...

Have a

cup of tea

Ah jackpot

There you

go mate

Thanks very

much Andy

Alright mate I'll see

you through the week

Don't you

want a lift?

Nah I've got to

go and see me old Mum

Alright -

Y'know what I mean

Alright cheers

all the best

To be honest

with you

It's worth far more in scrap value alone

than what I paid for it

So what did you

pay for it then?

What?

Well..what I done I mean I haven't

actually.. it depends what you mean by

See he's not

cracking on Aubrey

No no no I know

what I'm doing

Ha ha could

of fooled me

Well I hope you didn't pay

more than ten quid for it

Well I paid more than ten quid for it

yeah but look at it, it's an investment

Tory

So what do you think

about it Aubrey?

Yeah mate

It's..

Now be honest

Yeah gilt edged

y'know

See Aubrey

knows the game

Can't go wrong

Ronald McDonald had to

start somewhere didn't he

Oh blimey it's old Big Mac

sitting here look

So when are we going to

see your restaurant then Aub

Yeah

Whenever

you like

Have a

little nose

Yeah before you open

if you want any advice

He wants it to

be a success Dad

Shut up -

Yeah

I'd love you to

see my restaurant

Don't get me wrong

I'm confident

Infact I'm

mega confident

Oh are you?

I just haven't had any

outside input y'know

Oh haven't you?

We could go

now Wend

Yeah alright

He might want

to stay here

Well what does he

want to stay here for?

'cause

He can do

what he likes

We can go now

yeah cool

Well yeah yeah

yeah great

Just give me us minute

to powder my nose then

Hey

Andy have

you fell in?

What?

We've seen it all

before y'know

He fell in

the water

Prat -

Boring git

Shut up

You're going to break a leg

one of these days Andy

You alright Andy?

Yeah mate just

mucking about

Aubrey

Oh blimey

I thought we were

going to take off then

I've got no handles I can't get out -

Yeah I know that's why I'll have to come around

Hey Andy I thought we

were going to fly then

I can't get

it up ooh

That's fantastic isn't look

look Wend tres exclusive

It's nice Andy -

Yeah great

It's in good nick isn't it -

I like the lamps

Oh that's where you're going

to keep your little menus is it in there?

Yeah I can't find

the key though

Well you need

a key Aub

What is it?

Aw it's a little

pet cat look

It's a little moggy

Aw bless him

Yeah it's

fantastic isn't it

I was going to

put this up here

Oh you can't

No not in a restaurant Aubrey

it'll put people off their food

No it'll smell -

Yeah

See what I'm going

for here is eh..

The street

Eh the War -

Yeah

and I've got these accordians

from a car boot sale

and I'm going to stick

them up there and eh

They are going to

represent the eh

Music of Paris

Do they

work Aubrey?

No they're

knackered

I got the three of them

for 17.50 y'know

They saw you

coming mate

Yeah well

the birdcages

I'm going to hang them

up all over the ceiling

Yeah you've got a

load of them ain't you

They're going to eh

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