Life Is Sweet Page #5

You'll have to get

a license y'know

What?

and I tell you what if you

park this on someone elses pitch

You're going to get

yourself duffed over

I can look

after myself

Oh can you?

Have you ever seen those hot dog fellas

they're all like that

Don't know what

you're talking about

Lipstick's a

bit bright Nat

Oh very amusing

Where're you going?

Drink

Have one

for me

Staying in?

Yeah

Yeah he's got to save up now

pay for this heap of what's it

So long as

he's happy

That's right Nat

thanks alot much appreciated

That's alright

Going in

I'm freezing

Tell you

what Andy

Hope it don't rain tonight, you'll

need your snorkel in here in the morning

I think she likes it

don't you?

Yeah she's

over the moon

See ya -

See ya

Have a

good time

Have another shot then

Oh very flash

200?

Oh Andy

Well you're not paying

him anymore alright?

Look, do you want me to carry on doing my

brain in at that bloody place for the rest of my life?

No of course

I don't

Right

So I'll give it a go

at the weekends

and if it works out

I'll jack in the day job

Andy you can't jack in your day job before

you've got something definite to go to right?

On a bank holiday

weekend I could make

What?

Two? two and a half

thousand quid

Oh Andy

You're just a

big softy you are

Well who's to say, alright it's a risk

I admit that but it's a risk worth taking isn't it?

I suppose if the worst comes to the worst

we could always go on our holidays in it

That's right, reconvert it

to an ordinary caravan

Stick a couple

of bunk beds in it

Have a little

bunk up

Oh yes please

Eh

Eh how about

How about

Orthopedic

five hundred quid y'know

Bouncing up and

down on his bed

Orthopedic y'know

Orthopedic y'know

Tell you, you want to watch out

for Aubrey in that kitchen

He'll come up behind you

with a cucumber

Listen I don't think it'll be a cucumber

he'll be coming up behind me with

Well maybe you

fancy him I don't know

Oh you're joking

I'm not that desperate

Aw bless him

I feel sorry

for him actually

He's not a bad

bloke Aubrey

What're you doing?

What?

I like it

do it again

I'm not doing anything

I'm not

Go on then

Has Nicola come

to bed yet?

Yeah I

think so

Oh I tell you

what Andy

She gets me in a

right state that girl

I heard myself shouting at her

this morning and I thought this isn't me

I don't recognise myself

y'know it's horrible

Good job they're

not identical

Oh blimey yeah

Oh I used

to think

It'll be so nice to go

to discos together and...

Bring the

boyfriends home

I won't let

you go

Buttered muffins

What??

Alright my friend

Don't run

More colour

Chop chop

Are you happy in your work Chef? -

Over the moon mate

Someone's got to do it

and at this stage it happens to be you

and you've got

two little chunky legs

and you're lovely

yeah

and you're going to

grow up to be a boxer

Be a big boxer

or a wrestler

and I bet you're

just like your Dad eh?

Are you just

like your Daddy?

Do you have

anything in navy?

Navy? yeah

Oh listen take no notice of me, I get all

carried away y'know 'cause mine are grown up now

I don't want any pastels -

No that's right yeah

'cause you are going to a wedding

yeah a little bird told me yeah

So lets have a look

what we got

Now

There's that little

outfit that's French

But that's a little bit girly isn't it -

He needs something sophisticated

More sophisticated yeah

'cause he's not a girly boy is he

Do you know

what I mean?

He's more a boys boy I mean

you couldn't mistake him for a girl could you?

No he's a boy -

Yeah

What's his name? -

Nigel

Aw bless him

Little nidgy Nigel

Well lets see what we've

got for you then Nigel

Lets have

a little look

That's a bit

baby baby

Oh a minute

That's nice

We sell

alot of them

Oh I don't think so

Oh it looks nice on it really

does a little sailors outfit

How's that old

boyfriend then Nat?

What old boyfriends

that then Steve?

Oh come on

I'm single and

care free thanks

Yeah

I wish I was

You never said you

was coming today

I'm sorry

I'll go shall I?

No

What's all this?

What does it

look like?

A f***ing dump

Like the rest

of your house

Middle class wanker

This your

old mans?

Yeah

What? you going

on holiday?

Nah it's what he

wants to be buried in

Well come on

Oh that's alright I didn't

want a coffee anyway

Well it's a dump isn't it -

Yeah

What're you

waiting for?

Go on

So what've

you been doing?

Working

Leave it out

I have

What sort

of work?

Writing -

Writing?

Yeah

Writing what?

A novel

What's so funny?

You writing a novel

what's it about?

Don't know

haven't started it yet

Am I in it?

No

Is it auto biographical? -

Course it is

What're

you doing?

Get off

No

Hold on

a minute

Jesus no

What?

Not again it's boring

Well I'm not

doing it then

Well don't do it

Oh come on

Here you go

No thanks I've

just eaten

Haha wise guy

Lie down then

You pervert

Don't stop

I've had enough

What?

I can't eat no more

I'm full up

It's not a joke

I'm going

to puke

Weak

Are you

going then?

No

Well you're

not staying

Thought I could get

in there with you

No you won't

What's a matter

with you?

Nothing

I don't agree

EH?

Don't shout

you sexist pig

Why're you

shouting sexist?

'cause that's what men do -

You're full of sh*t

Why is it you never

want me to stay?

What's in this

machine Nicola?

My bedding

Not again

Why didn't you

peg my washing out?

I'll do it later

Blimey it could

of been dry by now

So what've you been

doing all morning?

Sweet Fanny Adams as usual

Anybody ring?

Like who?

Like your Grandad

for instance

No

No

Look at Andy

on his picture

I still reckon he looks

so Tommy Cooper

What did you have

for you're breakfast?

A big fry up

No really

Toast

I don't beleive

you Nicola

Can you lend us

a couple of quid?

What for?

A packet

of fags

No chance

Mean cow

If you're giving your stomach a rest

you might as well give your lungs a rest an all

So what have

you been up to?

Nothing

Look at the state of you

chalk white face

Blimey you look

like a ghost

You'd frighten the

birds you would

No wonder you didn't

peg my washing out

Ooh nevermind eh

I was

like you

I started at the

bottom y'know

I was on the sick for six

weeks before I got a look in

It's all about keeping

your eyes peeled

These tongues are

a pain in the neck

Can't get into

the crevices

Is it a pigs

tongue?

Lambs tongue

Couldn't get a pigs

tongue in your mouth

It would stick

in your throat

Would it?

You look quite

attractive in white

Suits you

There's the skins

chuck them away

Good

Hey

You got rythym

y'know

Here have

some more

You done really

well today

Have I?

Yeah

I'm really

pleased with you

You're quite a tasty

little worker y'know

That's nice

It's a bit old fashioned

looking isn't though that one

Black skirt, white blouse

it's traditional, I like it

Oh Andy my legs are like jelly sticks

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