Life Of Brian Page #8

Oh, ye N

- I n Uh, I n NNNN

- NNNN

- Oh, come on!

Yes, sir.

- Anyway, get on with the story.

- Well, I knew she never

really liked him, so I just

Right.

That's the motion to get on with it,

passed with one abstention.

I propose we go without further ado.

May I have a seconder for

- Let's just go.

- Yeah.

Oh, no!

- Bloody Romans!

- Watch it!

There's still

a few crosses left.

Up you go, Big Nose.

- I'll get you for this, you bastard.

- Oh, yeah?

- Oh, yeah. Don't worry. I never forget a face.

- No?

I warn you, I'm gonna punch you

so hard, you Roman git!

Shut up, you Jewish turd!

Who are you calling Jewish?

I'm not Jewish!

- I'm a Samaritan!

- A Samaritan?

This is supposed

to be a Jewish section.

It doesn't matter.

You're all gonna die in a day or two!

It may not matter to you, Roman,

but it certainly matters to us,

doesn't it, darling?

- Oh, rather!

- Under the terms

of the Roman occupancy,

we're entitled to be crucified

in a purely Jewish area.

Pharisees separate

from Sadducees.

- And Swedish separate from Welsh!

All right, all right, all right.

We'll soon settle this.

Hands up all those who don't

want to be crucified here.

- Right. Next!

- Uh, look. It's not my cross.

- What?

Um, it's not my cross.

I was, um, holding it for someone.

Just lie down.

I haven't got all day.

No, of course. Look.

I hate to make a fuss

Look. We've had a busy day.

There's 140 of you lot to get up.

- ls he Jewish?

- Will you be quiet?

We don't want any more

Samaritans around here.

Belt up!

Will you let me down if he comes back?

Yeah, yeah,

we'll let you down. Next!

You don't have to do this.

You don't have to take orders.

I like orders.

See? Not so bad,

once you're up.

You being rescued, then,

are you?

It's a bit late for that now,

isn't it?

Oh, now, now. We've got

a couple of days up here.

Plenty of time.

Lots of people get rescued.

- Oh?

- Yeah. My brother usually rescues me,

if he can keep off the tail

for more than 20 minutes.

- Oh?

- Randy little bugger.

Up and down like the Assyrian Empire.

Hello.

Your family arrived, then?

Reg!

- Hello, Sibling Brian.

- Thank God you've come, Reg.

Well, I think I should point out

first, Brian, in all fairness,

we are not the rescue committee.

However, I have been asked to read

the following prepared statement...

on behalf of the movement.

"We the People's Front of Judea

brackets, officials, end brackets

"do hereby convey our sincere

fraternal and sisterly greetings...

to you, Brian, on this,

the occasion of your martyrdom."

What?

"Your death will stand as a landmark...

"in the continuing struggle

to liberate the parent land...

"from the hands of the Roman

imperialist aggressors,

"excluding those concerned with

drainage, medicine, roads, housing,

"education, viniculture and any

other Romans contributing...

"to the welfare of Jews of

both sexes and hermaphrodites.

Signed, on behalf

of the P.F.J., etc."

And I'd just like to add,

on a personal note, my own admiration...

for what you're doing

for us, Brian,

and what must be, after all,

for you a very difficult time.

- Reg, wwhat are you going to

- Goodbye, Brian, and thanks.

Well done, Brian.

Keep it up, lad.

Terrific work, Brian.

Right. And

For he's a jolly good fellow

For he's a jolly good fellow

For he's a jolly good fellow

And so say all of us

And so say all of

You bastards!

- You bastards!

You sanctimonious bastards!

- Where is Brian of Nazareth?

- I have an order for his release.

- You stupid bastards!

- Uh, I'm Brian of Nazareth.

- What?

- Yeah, Ill'm Brian of Nazareth.

- Take him down.

- I'm Brian of Nazareth!

- I'm Brian!

- I'm Brian!

- I'm Brian!

- I'm Brian!

- I'm Brian, and so's my wife!

- I'm Brian!

- I'm Brian!

Take him away

and release him.

No, I'm only joking. I'm not

really Brian. No, I'm not Brian.

I was only It was a joke.

I'm only pulling your leg.

It's a joke! I'm not him!

I'm just having you on! Put me back!

Bloody Romans.

Can't take a joke.

The Judean People's Front!

The Judean People's Front!

Forward all!

- Come on!

- The Judean People's Front!

- The Judean People's Front!

We are the Judean People's Front

Crack Suicide Squad.

Suicide Squad, attack!

That showed them.

- You silly sods.

Brian! Brian! Brian!

- Judith!

- Terrific! Great!

Reg has explained it all to me.

I think it's great, what you're doing.

Thank you, Brian.

I'll, I'll never forget you.

So there you are!

I might have known

it would end up like this.

To think of all the love and

affection I've wasted on you.

Well, if that's how you treat

your poor old mother...

in the autumn years

of her life,

all I can say is,

go ahead, be crucified!

See if I care.

I might have known

Mum!

- Mum!

- I don't know

what the world's coming to.

Cheer up, Brian.

You know what they say.

Some things in life are bad.

They can really make you mad.

Other things just

make you swear and curse.

When you're chewing

on life's gristle

Don't grumble

Give a whistle

And this'll help things

turn out for the best

And

Always look

on the bright side of life

Always look

on the light side of life

lf life seems jolly rotten

there's something you've forgotten

And that's to laugh and smile

and dance and sing

When you're feeling in the dumps

Don't be silly chumps

Just purse your lips and

whistle, that's the thing

And always look

on the bright side of life

Always look

on the bright side of life

For life is quite absurd

And death's the final word

You must always face

the curtain with a bow

Forget about your sin

Give the audience a grin

Enjoy it, it's

your last chance anyhow

So always look

on the bright side of death

Just before you draw

your terminal breath

Life's a piece of sh*t

when you look at it

Life's a laugh and

death's a joke, it's true

You'll see it's all a show

People laughing as you go

Just remember that

the last laugh is on you

And always look

on the bright side of life

Always look

on the right side of life

- Come on, Brian. Cheer up.

Always look

on the bright side of life

Always look

on the right side of life

Worse things happen

at sea, you know?

Always look

on the bright side of life

What have you got to lose?

You come from nothing.

You go back to nothing.

What have you lost?

- Nothing!

- Always look

on the right side of life

Nothing will come from nothing.

You know what they say?

- Always look on

- Cheer up, you old bugger.

- The bright side of life

- Give us a grin. There you are.

See? It's the end of the film.

Incidentally, this record's available in the foyer.

Always look

on the right side of life

Who do you think pays for all

this rubbish?

Always look

on the bright side of life

I told him. I said to him, "Bernie,

there'll never make their money back."

Always look

on the right side of life

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