Life Of Brian Page #7
- Uh, Francis, you've been
doing some work on this?
- Yeah. Thank you, Reg.
Well, quite frankly, siblings,
I think five years is optimistic...
unless we can smash the Roman Empire
within the next 12 months.
- Twelve months, yeah?
- Twelve months.
And let's face it, as empires
go, this is the big one,
so we gotta get up off our asses
and stop just talkin' about it.
- Hear! Hear!
- It's action that counts, not words.
- And we need action now!
- Hear! Hear!
You're right. We could
sit around here all day,
talkin', passin' resolutions,
makin' clever speeches.
It's not gonna shift
one Roman soldier!
So let's just stop gabbin' on about it.
It's completely pointless.
- And it's gettin' us nowhere.
- Right!
I agree. This is a complete
waste of time.
- They've arrested Brian!
- What? What?
They dragged him off!
They want to crucify him!
Right! This calls
for immediate discussion!
- What?
- lmmediate!
- Right.
- New motion?
Completely new motion.
Uh, that, uh,
that there be
immediate action
- Once the vote has been taken.
- Obviously once the vote's been taken.
- You can't act on a resolution
till you've voted on it.
- Reg, let's go now, please!
- Right! ln the light of fresh
information from Sibling Judith.
- Not so fast, Reg.
Reg, for God's sake!
It's perfectly simple.
All you've got to do
is to go out of that door now...
and try to stop the Romans
nailing him up!
It's happening, Reg!
Something's actually happening, Reg!
Can't you understand?
Oh!
- Ooh. Ooh. Yup.
A little ego trip
from the feminists?
- What?
- Oh, sorry, Loretta?
Uh, read that back,
would you?
Next? Crucifixion?
- Yes.
- Good.
Out of the door,
line on the left, one cross each.
Next? Crucifixion?
- Yes.
- Good.
Out of the door,
line on the left, one cross each.
Next? Crucifixion?
- Uh, no, freedom.
- Mmm? What?
Uh, freedom for me.
They said I hadn't done anything,
so I could go free
and live on an island somewhere.
Oh. Well, that's jolly good.
Well, off you go then.
No, I'm only pulling your leg.
It's crucifixion, really.
Oh, I see.
Very good, very good.
- Well, out of the door
- Yeah, I know the way. Out the door,
one cross each,
line on the left.
Line on the left. Yes, thank you.
- Crucifixion? Good.
- Yes.
People of "Jewusalem,"
"Wome" is your "fwiend."
To "pwove" our "fwiendship,"
it is "customawy" at this time...
to "welease" a "wandewer"
"fwom" our "pwisons."
Whom would you
have me "welease"?
- "Welease" "Woger"!
"Welease" "Woger"!
"Welease" "Woger"!
"Vewy" well,
I shall "welease" "Woger"!
Sir, uh, we don't
have a Roger, sir.
- What?
- Uh, we don't have anyone
of that name, sir.
Ah. We have no "Woger."
Well, what about
"Wodewick," then?
Yeah! Release "Wodewick"!
Release "Wodewick"!
"Centuwion,"
why do they titter so?
Just some,
uh, Jewish joke, sir.
Are they... "wagging" me?
- Oh, no, sir.
"Vewy" well.
I shall "welease" "Wodewick"!
- Sir, we don't have a Roderick, either.
- No "Woger," no "Wodewick."
- Sorry, sir.
Who is this "Wog" Who is
this "Wodewick" to whom you "wefer"?
- He's a "wobber"!
- And a "wapist"!
And a pickpocket!
- Yeah Shh! Shh!
- Shut up!
- He sounds a "notowious" "cwiminal."
- We haven't got him, sir.
Do we have anyone
in our "pwisons" at all?
- Oh, yes, sir. We got a Samson, sir.
- Samson?
Samson the Sadducee Strangler, sir.
Uh, Silus the Assyrian Assassin.
from Caesarea.
- Uh, 67
- Let me "thpeak" to them.
- Oh, no
- Yes, good idea, Biggus.
Citizens, we have
Samson the Sadducee Strangler,
Silus the Assyrian Assassin
from Caesarea.
Next.
- Crucifixion?
- Yes.
Good. Out of the door,
line on the left, one cross each.
- Jailer
- Excuse me. There's been
some sort of mistake.
Just a moment, would you?
Jailer, how many have come through?
What?
Uh, how many
have come through?
- What?
- YYYYou'll have to...
spespspespspspspeak up
a bit, sir.
- He'sHe'sHe's He's de
- Ah.
He's deaf He's deaf
He's deaf as a pppost, sir.
Oh, yes.
Uh, how many
have come through?
- Oh, dear.
- I make it ninetyf
ninetyf ninetyf
ninetysix, sir.
It's such a senseless waste
of human life, isn't it?
NNNNo, sir.
NNot with these bbastards, sir.
CC N:
CCCru
CCrucifixion's
too good 'em, sir.
I don't think you can say it's
too good for them. It's very nasty.
Oh, it's not as nnnana
not as nasty as something
I just thought up, sir.
- Yeah. Now, crucifixion?
- ls there someone I can speak to?
- Well
I know where to get it, if you want it.
- What?
- DDon't worry about hihim, sir.
HHe's de He's de
He's dedede
- He's deaf and mad, sir.
- Well, how did he get the job?
- BBloody Pilate's pet, sir.
Get a move on, Big Nose. There's people
waitin' to be crucified out here.
- Could I see a lawyer or someone?
- Um, do, do you have a lawyer?
- No, but I'm a Roman.
How about a retrial?
We got plenty of time.
- Shut up, you!
- Miserable Romans. No sense of humor.
- I'm sorry. Bit of a hurry.
Can you go straight out?
Line on the left, one cross each. Now
Was it something I said?
- Silence!
This man commands
a "cwack" legion!
He "wanks" as high
as any in "Wome."
Crucifixion party.
Morning. Now, we will be on
a show as we go through the town,
so let's not
let the side down.
Keep in a straight line, three lengths
between you and the man in front...
and a good, steady pace.
Crosses over
your left shoulders,
and if you keep your backs
hard up against the cross beam,
- you'll be there in no time.
All right, centurion.
Crucifixion party
Wait for it!
Crucifixion party,
by the left, forward!
You lucky bastards!
You lucky, jammy bastards!
Let me shoulder
your burden, brother.
Oh, thank you.
- HHey! Hey!
- Hey, what do you think you're doing?
- Uh, it's not my cross.
- Shut up and get on with it!
He had you there, mate, didn't he?
That'll teach you a lesson.
- All right.
I'm gonna give you
one more chance.
This time I want to hear
no "Weubens,"
no "Weginalds,"
no "Wudolph
the Wednosed Weindeers."
No Spencer Tracys!
- Release Brian!
- Oh, yeah. That's a good one.
"Welease" "Bwian"!
"Welease" "Bwian"!
"Vewy" well. That's it.
- Sir, we, uh, we have got a Brian, sir.
- What?
Uh, you just sent him
for crucifixion, sir.
Wait, wait.
We do have a "Bwian."
- Well, go and "wepwieve" him,
"stwaight" away.
- Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
"Vewy" well.
I shall... "welease" "Bwian"!
- Get a move on, there!
- Or what?
- Or you'll be in trouble.
- Oh, dear.
You mean I might have to give up
being crucified in the afternoons?
- Shut up!
- That would be a blow, wouldn't it?
I wouldn't have nothing to do.
Oh, thank you.
Are they gone?
WWe've got lumps of it
round the back.
- What?
- Oh, don't worry about him, sir.
He's ma
He's m He's ma
He's mm
He's mm
- He's mad, sir.
- Are they gone?
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Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"Life Of Brian" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 19 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/life_of_brian_12553>.
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