Life Partners Page #5

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Everyone hates me.

Listen to this.

"Sasha is bright and skilled"...

That sounds like a compliment.

"But this ability does not seem to be focused

on her work here at Grossman Properties."

I bet you anything

Valerie wrote that.

That b*tch is always

walking by my desk...

asking if I'm

"having a busy day"...

when it's obvious she doesn't think

that I look busy, 'cause I'm not.

Okay, don't focus

on who wrote what. Just...

Are you crazy? I have

to know who wrote what.

Like, who the f*** wrote this?

"Sasha can come across as irritated

when asked to do something."

Who are you?

Can I get a vodka soda with a

splash of cranberry, please?

You need to remember

that this is just your day job.

I know that it sucks and it's boring,

but this is what you wanted.

You wanted something easy and mindless

that you didn't have to think about...

so you could focus

on your music every night.

Yeah. No.

I know you're right.

How was your camping trip?

Uh, it... it was really good.

It was... great, actually.

Uh, Tim and I got engaged.

Wait. What? Yeah.

Paige!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

I know.

Can you believe it?

Well, cheers. Wedding.

Yeah! Oh, my God! I know.

It's so crazy, right?

I'm gonna be your best man.

You...

So, you come here often?

Mm. Yeah.

Me and the mozzarella sticks

have a little thing going on.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but

they're kind of seeing somebody else.

I feel so betrayed. We didn't

want you to find out like this.

One time I had

two orders of these.

In one night. Oh.

No, I had one in the parking lot

and then I drove through again.

I'd be too embarrassed.

Yeah, I couldn't really bring myself to make

eye contact with the girl at the window.

What band is this? Oh, this

is my friend Kaya's band.

They're amazing.

I'll bring you a copy. Okay.

I'm actually playing

the drums on the CD.

Oh, no way.

Wow. I didn't know you played.

I am a musician too. Oh.

Well, I'm not really a musician.

I'm mostly a writer, and I've

been drawing a lot lately.

I'm actually working

on a graphic novel.

Mmm!

So are you, like, in a band?

No, not right now. I'm just... working

on writing some songs of my own first.

Nice. I hate it when bands go on

tour with, like, three songs.

Mmm.

Well, it is nice to meet

a fellow artist.

Yeah. I know. You too.

I had no idea.

Jenn never mentioned anything.

Well, Jenn doesn't know

everything about me.

We didn't really date

for that long.

Whoo!

Hey, Sasha.

Ow!

You b*tch. That hurt.

Better be careful.

It's your turn.

We're paying by the hour.

Hey.

That's a really interesting tattoo

that you have. What does it mean?

I don't really

like to talk about it.

Oh. I just figured,

since it was on your neck...

Uh, so, how long have you and

Sasha been seeing each other?

Well, technically three weeks,

but don't tell anyone that.

We don't want anyone

to know yet.

Uh, why?

Uh, just dumb lesbian drama.

Jenn two N's dated Vanessa.

- For, like, a second.

- Yeah, but she would freak out anyway.

But we have a plan. I just

deleted Sasha on Facebook.

Yeah, we're gonna pretend like we don't

really know each other right now.

And then right when we're

ready to tell people,

we're gonna add each other back and

comment on each other's pages like,

oh, we just ran into each other.

I gotcha.

There are some nice houses

around here though.

Yeah, but I don't know. Do you think

the neighborhood's too sketchy?

You think this neighborhood

is sketchy?

Well...

I mean, yeah. There's, like, three

metal detectors in this bowling alley.

That's just the future.

Well, yeah, probably.

Yeah. The schools aren't very

good around here either.

Oh, "the schools."

Just thinking ahead.

Well, whatever you decide, don't

send your kids to private school,

unless you want them to grow up

with a silver spoon up their ass.

Well, what if you live in a

really dangerous neighborhood?

I don't care. I'd still

rather send my kids...

to a public school in the

ghetto than a private school.

All kids that go to private school

turn into conservative douche bags.

Tim went to private school.

I did.

We gotta go.

My dad's locking the gate.

Oh.

Oh, she just had to move back home for a few

months before art school. It's temporary.

Bye.

What the f*** is wrong

with that girl? I'm sorry.

I know you like everyone, and you think

that I'm really judgy, but can you please...

I hated Vanessa. Thank you.

I'm so sick of Sasha wasting

her time with these idiots.

When is she gonna date

an actual adult?

Is everyone she dates that immature?

Vanessa's on the mature side.

Gotcha.

Can you not say "gotcha"?

I'm sorry. It's a pet peeve of mine.

You kind of say it a lot.

Oh. Okay. Sure. Sorry. What am I gonna say

when she asks me what I thought of her?

Uh, just tell her you thought

she was a f***ing b*tch.

Ha-ha. And, you know...

What am I gonna say? "I really

liked her neck tattoo."

You know, don't say anything. I don't

know why you have to get involved.

Just say you're glad she's happy, wait for it

to burn out. Which it most definitely will.

It has to, right? Yes. It will.

So stay out of it.

Yeah, I will. Oh, God, I just want

to sit Sasha down and be like,

"The truth hurts, but as your best

friend, get your life together!"

You know, you have to stop going out all

night and dating girls like this...

and figure out what you

want to do with your life,

because you're gonna wake up one

day, and you're gonna be 35,

and you're gonna have no relationship,

you're gonna have no savings,

all of your friends are gonna be married

with kids and be miles ahead of you,

"and it's gonna feel like sh*t, and

I'm sorry, but that's the reality."

Yeah. That's not

staying out of it.

Well, obviously I'm not gonna

say any of that to her.

You two are

a really cute couple.

Vanessa seems, like, really confident

and, like, very sure of herself.

Yeah, I like her a lot.

That's great.

I'm so happy for you.

So, do you think

it's gonna be serious?

Could you, like, see yourself

ending up with Vanessa?

I don't know. I mean, it's

going really well. Yeah. So...

I mean, I know you don't know

her, but she's really cool.

Oh, I'm sure she is.

But, you know, you guys might be, like, just

too different to really get each other.

What does that mean?

I don't know. Sometimes just

really super creative types...

don't really mesh that well with people

who are more, you know, traditional.

I'm traditional?

No. No, no, no, no, no.

You're just more,

you know, organized.

Vanessa is like

a total free spirit.

You know? Sometimes I'll wake

up in the middle of the night,

and she's up writing down

a dream she just had.

And I've read a few of them.

Oh, my God.

Like, it's incredible.

They're complete stories.

Like, that's just how her brain works.

She dreams in stories.

So, does Vanessa want to be

a writer, like for work?

'Cause she doesn't have

a job right now, right?

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