Life Partners Page #7

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Does he like it when you drive

home with your face like that?

Gorgeous. It's gorgeous.

I'm hideous. Don't touch me.

I promise you, you're gonna

get over Vanessa so fast.

You just gotta

get back out there.

Oh.

Hi.

Lucas is bringing fireworks.

Tim, no.

Paige, maybe.

Thank you for getting that.

How much do I owe you?

Um, nothing. I think I can

afford some frozen water.

Um, hey, there's this

new lawyer at my firm.

She's really cool, and she's gay.

Oh.

Yeah. Her name is Angelica.

She's really pretty.

You know,

she's got her sh*t together.

Angelica.

Well, I guess if,

I don't know, we're free,

we can get a group or

something together. Yeah.

Um, I invited her here today.

Oh. It was super last minute...

'cause she doesn't really know

anybody in town, but no big deal.

Yeah. You didn't tell her it was a setup,

right? No. Not at all. No pressure.

But, you know, wouldn't hurt

if you guys fell in love...

and we went on double dates

and lived happily ever after.

Okay, psycho.

Do I look too much like a lesbian?

You are a lesbian.

Yeah, but I don't

want to look... gay.

You're, like, offensive

to yourself.

I mean, I'm not offended.

- Is that her?

- Yeah. Isn't she pretty?

Why is she so dressed up?

She just came from work.

She rich?

That's a really fancy bag.

I don't know. I don't know

her that well. Come on.

Sasha, let's just go say hi. No. I don't

need to make a big deal out of saying hi.

Just, you know, if we

cross paths, then I'll...

Come on. No. Shh!

Sasha... Shh!

So has Sasha ever been with a dude?

Lucas, she's gay.

Well, she flirts with me.

Brian, she's gay.

Now, that's my type.

Oh, hey. Also gay.

Your party sucks.

No. Sasha, chill.

Is she coming over here?

Hey! Hi. Hi, Paige.

Thank you for coming.

Thank you for having me.

Oh, Angelica, this is Sasha.

Sasha, Angelica.

Hey. Hi.

So you just came from work.

Oh, yeah. I had to go in to finish

up some stuff this morning.

Blows.

Actually, I didn't mind it. I know

this is nerdy, but I love my work.

Oh.

What do you do?

I'm a receptionist.

And a really talented musician.

I'm gonna go play beer pong.

I love beer pong. Cool.

Oh!

Even better. Does that count?

Of course that counts.

"Does that count?"

Of course that counts.

She drinks P.B.R., she plays beer

pong, she is the perfect woman.

Brian, you're just... You're drunk now.

We need a new player.

Does anyone want... Angelica,

you want to get in there?

- I'm in.

- Come on up.

Cool, Tim. Cool, man.

I don't think we need another player.

You don't want to get your suit all...

Ah, screw it. I hate this suit.

messed up.

You're really good at this. You

should, uh, give me some tips.

I think I'm actually gonna

just sit this one out.

I'm just gonna finish my beer.

Sasha, this is for you.

I call it my signature move.

Oh! Angelica! Get it.

Yeah.

More. More!

Oh!

Crap. I am such a klutz.

Be right back.

That's commitment.

It's okay. Sasha, you should

go help her clean up.

It's fine. I think she's got it.

Sasha, you should go help her clean up.

It'll give you guys a chance to talk.

I think she's got it.

I'm gonna go get some chips.

Sasha...

Sasha. What?

Sasha, why are you not trying, like,

at all? What are you talking about?

I thought you said

there was no pressure.

There isn't, but you're,

like, being rude.

How am I being rude? She doesn't

even know it's a setup.

You told her it's a setup. I just thought

you guys would really like each other.

Why? Because you know

she's not my type.

Well, maybe that would be good for you.

Good for me?

You know what I mean. You were

the one who was just saying...

that you wanted to date

someone more mature.

You're the one

who keeps saying that.

I'm sorry that I don't like the one person

that you've ever tried to set me up with.

You were really picky when you were

single too, remember? Not like this.

Oh, you're saying that you would have

liked the male equivalent of Angelica?

Yes. That is such bullshit.

No, it's not. Yes, it is.

You're saying that if a man showed

up at a barbecue in a suit...

and was saying things like, "Oh, crap.

I'm such a klutz"...

and was hovering all over you,

you would have been into that?

Angelica...

Thank you.

Angelica, please, you have to believe

me, this has zero to do with you.

This is all about me and Sasha.

Honestly, it doesn't even matter.

I'm too old for this sh*t.

But... See you at work.

Thanks for the invite.

I don't even know why I try.

What do you mean?

Just be honest with me.

If you don't want to change anything

about your life, just say that.

Admit that you're happy dating

22-year-olds and going out every night,

and I will stop putting myself

out there trying to help you.

I never asked you

to put yourself out there.

Hmm. Okay. Then stop calling me every

day complaining about your life...

and then not do anything about it,

because it's a little confusing for me.

Okay. Fine.

Guess I should have known that as soon as

you found someone else to couple up with...

that you'd be done with me.

Sasha, that is not fair.

Okay, yes, I'm less available

to you now than I was before,

when there was no one else in my life and we

talked every night till 2:00 in the morning,

but that was always gonna change

when one of us met someone.

I mean, you don't talk to your friends till 2:00

in the morning anymore. You stop needing that.

But you still have that.

What?

You...

You still talk to someone

at 2:
00 in the morning.

It's just Tim now.

Nothing changed for you.

It just changed for me. Can

you acknowledge that, please?

Hey.

Who wants some more s'mores?

Why don't you tell him?

You tell him everything else.

Did I f*** something up?

Good evening.

Can I take your order?

Yeah, can I just have, um, an order

of mozzarella sticks, please?

Oh, I'm sorry. We are out

of mozzarella sticks.

Would you like some

curly fries instead?

Excuse me?

Ma'am?

Hey. Hey.

Are you still thinking

about that fight with Sasha?

That's so crazy she got so mad just

'cause you're trying to set her up.

You know, when I came into this

to prove to myself that...

Did they say why they're making

them swim in the shark tank?

It's just funny. Oh.

What's a booty tooch?

It's one of Tyra's sayings. It's when

you stick your butt out in pictures.

It's like the new smize.

Smiling with your eyes.

Oh. Yeah.

I don't look at my lupus

as a handicap.

I look at it as a beautiful part

of me that makes me unique.

Yeah, right. It is a handicap.

Hope you have enough energy

to swim away from those sharks.

You're so funny.

You're, like, the funniest

person I've ever dated.

Are you Paige Kearns? Yes.

You've been served.

Oh, he's taking you to court?

Good thing I'm a lawyer.

Okay. Please tell me

you're not serious.

Ooh. I am. Come on, Paige. You

really care so much about this,

you're gonna take our

next-door neighbor to court?

He sued me.

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