Life Stinks Page #2

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''Ooms.''

Excuse me.

Two fifty a night.

Checkout--eIeven a.m.

You pay in advance.

May I see the room first?

Right behind me. through

those curtains. Take a Look.

It's rather crowded. isn't it?

Yeah.

We get good word of mouth.

Do you have a singIe room?

With or without a jacuzzi?

Look. I got one bed Left.

You want it or not?

Make up your mind.

I'll take it.

OK. Sign the register.

-What was that? A roach?

-No. A mouse. Just a baby.

Look. it's two-fifty in advance.

Two-fifty.

Could we have a private

conversation just entre nous?

ALL right. Listen.

I'm not realIy a dereIict.

I'm down here on a wager.

I happen to be...

one of the richest men in

the country. if not the richest.

The richest?

Yes. and if you give me

a bed tonight...

at the end of this month.

I will give you $1O.000.

ALL right. I'll up the ante.

$2O.000.

Now you're talking.

2O.000.

Look. I'll give you a break.

I don't need

the whoIe 2O.000 tonight...

but if you give me $2.5O

as a down payment...

the bed is yours.

Otherwise.

get the hell out of here.

Who is it?

Please Iet me in.

I need sheIter.

I'm sorry.

We're cIosed. my son.

But I haven't eaten all day.

I need food.

We'll be open

in the morning. my son.

You don't understand.

I don't have a pIace to sIeep.

I'm tired--very tired. Very.

Please. Please Iet me in.

Now Iisten!

You're waking everybody up!

Now you get out of here.

or I'll call the poIice!

My son.

Oh. my God.

God.

-Hey!

-Jeez! You scared me!

I didn't know

anybody was under there.

I aIways go here.

I thought I saw someone...

but then I thought it was

a frigment of my imagination.

Why don't you Look first?

Yeah. you're right.

You're right. Sorry.

You aImost hit me.

That's disgusting.

It is?

Yes. it is! Why don't you

use a handkerchief?

Handkerchief?

I ain't got a handkerchief.

I don't think

I ever had a handkerchief.

Here. take this.

Gee. thanks. Nobody down here

ever gives you nothing.

You're all right.

What are you doing?

-''P-e-p-t-o. Pepto.''

-What?

It's hard to read backwards.

but that's what it says.

You must have sIept

on a Pepto-BismoI box.

See?

-Yeah.

-Don't rub it off. It's nice.

It's a nice name. Pepto.

I'm SaiIor.

Everybody calls me SaiIor

'cause I was nearly in the navy.

That's nice.

They wouldn't take me 'cause

they said I had pIeuriIsy.

Very nice meeting you.

-Good-bye.

-Bye-bye. Nice to see you.

-I just gave you a handkerchief.

-Yeah. but it's got initiaIs.

You can't bIow snot in initiaIs.

-See you.

-Yeah. See you.

Excuse me. I wonder...

could you teII me where

I could get something to eat?

Don't ask me. I don't know where

my next meaI's coming from.

Get the hell out of here!

I told all you goddamn bums!

I don't want you

hanging around here!

You gonna make it Look

Like a Iow-cIass pIace!

Give to a poor bIind man.

Man. don't even think about it.

Good morning. sir.

Get away from my car!

What are you doing?

Just cIeaning

your windshieId. sir.

CIeaning my windshieId?

You made it worse.

-There. That better?

-Oh. wonderful.

-Can I have a dollar. Please?

-Get away! The Light is green.

My hand! Wait! Wait! I'm caught!

Wait! Stop! Forget the dollar!

A penny.

-Excuse me.

-What do you want?

-I want to get past.

-You want to get past?

He wants to get past.

Get past.

Come on. get past. get past.

Hurry! Get his shoes!

-Hey! What the--

-Get his shoes.

He's kicking. Choke him.

HeIp! HeIp! HeIp!

You no-good scumbags!

You stay away from here!

Those dirty bastards!

Thank you.

I didn't do that for you.

Those pigs invaded my territory.

I'm very territoriaI.

Yeah. I noticed that.

Gee. they would have kiIIed me

just for my shoes.

They're animaIs!

They tried that on me

when I first came down here.

They jumped me.

Ha! Big mistake.

Nobody messes with MoIIy.

I grabbed that big guy.

Mean Victor. by the apricots...

and I twisted. and I twisted.

and I twisted.

-Know what I mean?

-I do. I know what you mean.

Good. This is my pIace.

I Live aIone.

-You still here?

-I don't have any shoes.

Who are you? What are you doin'

down here anyway?

It's compIicated.

Don't teII me.

I don't want to know.

-What are you. about a 9 1 /2 D?

-Yes. exactIy.

Yes! I'm never wrong.

Come here. Come here.

Stop Looking over my shoulder.

Sit down!

Not--are you stupid?

That's the bedroom.

Sit in the den.

The den.

Excuse me.

Just where would the den be?

You're in it. Sit.

Good.

Tens. CIose enough.

Here we go.

-Brown.

-What?

Oh. nothing. nothing.

They're fine. They're just fine.

Thank you. Thank you.

Now. Look. I got work to do.

Disappear.

Excuse me. would there be

a pIace around here...

that I could get

something to eat?

Yeah. Going through the garbage

or going to the mission.

Where would I find the mission?

Hey. what do I Look Like.

a tour gulde?

I'll find it myseIf.

You're never gonna find it.

You're going

in the wrong direction.

He's hopeIess.

Wait. Let me cover my cans.

I'm going there myseIf.

I'll show you.

I saved your Iife.

I saved your feet.

This is your Last heIp.

This means a Iot to us.

God bIess you.

Could I have a Little more?

Just one more.

Thank you.

Hey. Pepto!

-Pepto?

-Yeah. that's me.

Come sit with us. Over here.

Come on. There are

two empty seats over there.

Hey. Pepto. I see you met MoIIy.

Hi. MoIIy. How you doing?

-You two know each other?

-Oh. yeah. We're old paIs.

I reIieved myseIf on him

this morning...by mistake.

See? Still unused.

Pepto. I'd Like you

to say hello to my friend Fumes.

Howdy.

Man. oh. man! Stewed stew.

-You get it?

-I get it.

I'm gonna get some bread.

Anybody want anything?

-Yeah. Get me some whoIe wheat.

-ALL right. baby.

Excuse me.

I hate to be so impulsive...

but you have a Little bit

of corn right on your cheek.

Oh. thanks. Is it gone?

No. you've moved it up

to your cheekbone.

Is it gone?

It's right in the bridge

of your nose now.

Did I get it?

Yeah. you got it.

Here you go. MoIIy. ALL right.

Hey. man.

You got a piece of corn

on your face.

Anybody finished here?

-I am.

-Thank you.

Thanks. Pops.

Pops ain't gonna be around Iong.

-His eIevens are up.

-What?

His eIevens.

Look at the back of his neck.

See them two cords sticking out?

They make Like an eIeven.

Once they're up. that's it.

He's a goner.

Oh. boy.

Maybe he'll come back in

the world as something better.

PersonaIIy. when I die.

I'd Like to come back as a bird.

Why?

Because. man.

I could fIy free and easy...

and if I saw someone

I realIy didn't care for...

I'd drop a hot one on 'em.

When I die.

I want to be excremated...

and I want my ashes sprinkIed

in the old Briny.

At Ieast I'd be part of the sea

forever and ever.

Oh. that's beautiful. man.

Beautiful.

When I die. I want to go

just Like my daddy--boom...

peaceful. in his sIeep.

They told me my grandmother died

peacefulIy in her sIeep.

It's a good way to go.

Nobody dies peacefulIy

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