Life Stinks Page #3

---

in their sIeep.

That's what they teII people

to make them feeI good.

You want to know how people

realIy die in their sIeep?

First. they go to bed.

Then about 2:
OO in the morning

they go...

Get a doctor.

I ain't never

goin' to sIeep again.

I have to make some money.

How can I make some money

down here?

Why don't you do

what they all do?

-What?

-Beg.

Beg. I tried that. but I'm not

realIy proficient in that yet.

Bye-bye. chiIdren. I Iove you.

Have a safe trip.

And remember. this is

a new start. No drinking!

And no drugs!

And above aII. no infideIity!

Shut up!

I didn't say that much.

Take it easy.

Can you beIieve that in

the middIe of all this fiIth...

two Lost souls could find

some smail shred of happiness?

Happiness? What a crock.

See you after the honeymoon.

Lady! You got a job.

you keep it!

Don't make my mistake.

You had a job?

A job?

I had a career.

I was a dancer.

and a good one...

before I gave it up

when I got married!

You were married?

Oh. you bet I was married.

I was married to Tom--

Tom Terrific.

Sure. Tom.

Anything you want. Tom.

You want it now. Tom?

Oh. sure. Tom. Go ahead. Tom.

What?

Finished aIready. Tom?

No. I don't mind. Tom.

Where you going. Tom?

You wash up. Tom.

I'll finish by myseIf. Tom!

Where did you go. Tom?

You didn't Ieave a note. Tom.

I'm all aIone here. Tom.

You Left me all the biIIs. Tom.

They're taking away the house.

Tom. I don't have a job. Tom!

I'm in a Iot of trouble.

So. after Tom ran out...

I realized I had to adjust

my entire IifestyIe.

I created this whoIe

new mentaI attitude.

It's called a nervous breakdown.

I cried a Iot. I screamed a Iot.

I was hystericaI

morning. noon. and night.

I was Like this--

HeIp me! Somebody heIp me!

Get the picture?

I got it. Yes. I got it.

I think the whoIe bIock got it.

So. I've been in this

nervous breakdown...

for about eight years.

And you know something?

I Like it.

I waIk when I want.

I sit down when I want...

I cry when I want.

I Iaugh when I want.

I pick my own hours.

Sounds a Little...

Crazy? There's nothing wrong

with crazy.

Crazy's good.

Crazy keeps them away.

So what's your story?

You ever been married?

Yes. I tried it once.

Didn't work out.

She said I spent all my time

making money.

That was time Well spent.

Wet it down. ALL over. ALL over.

So it burns up nice.

Oh. this is gonna burn big!

Big stuff here. Victor!

Yeah. get it. That's it.

I wish I had some marshmailows!

-Light it.

-What?

-Light it!

-Light it!

Light it. Oh. Victor.

this is going to be so good.

Oh. yeah. Yeah! Just Look at it.

Burn. burn. Yes. yes!

Yeah! Look at it!

Look at it! I Iove fire!

-She won't fooI with us no more.

-We should go now. Victor.

What was that all about?

Hey. it's my pIace!

My stuff!

Shall I call

the fire department?

No.

It's just a bunch of junk.

I'm gonna get those bastards.

Come over here. I want you

to get Mean Victor and Yo...

and get them to chase you down

here to this Chinese restaurant.

-Me?

-Yes.

Then I want you

to run through this door...

and Iock it behind you.

Now. if you Iock it.

you're safe.

We'll do the rest.

Can you do this?

May I propose an aIternative?

-What?

-Why don't we sue?

You may be

the weak Iink in this.

You know what to do

when you get to the kitchen.

Weak Iink.

I'm addressing

the two degenerates...

who call themseIves

Victor and Yo.

You rob and expIoit the heIpIess

for your own profit and gain...

and use the spoiIs

of your activities...

to buy and seII

iIIegaI narcotics.

Therefore. I am making

a citizen's arrest.

Citizen's arrest.

And you won't

be needing this anymore.

Get him! Get him!

You have the right

to remain siIent.

Anything you say

can and will be used...

against you in a court of Iaw.

God damn it!

Thank God!

Wait a minute.

Don't pour! Wait till

they're right under us.

ALL right. I admit it.

I have a very weak case.

You'll be happy to know

I'm dropping the charges.

Oh. sh*t!

I'm out of bounds.

-What's that noise?

-I don't know.

It stopped.

What's he doing?

He's coming back again?

He's the bravest man

I've ever seen.

I'm not mad. I just want

to put my foot up here.

Yeah. that's good. That's good.

Pepto. get out of the way!

Now!

Oh. it's hot!

They won't come around here

anymore.

I hope so.

Jeez.

they realIy did a job on you.

Man. you throw a mean face.

Well. according to this.

his ankIe aIarm went off...

at 3:
35 for 28 1 /2 seconds.

Well. Let's just say 3O seconds.

Then we'd win.

But his Iawyers get a copy

of the same readout. sir.

Does anybody know why he stepped

out of bounds...

for 28 1 /2 seconds?

Well. our surveiIIance teII us

that he was attacked...

by some vicious

dereIicts. sir...

and. I might add.

was severeIy beaten.

-He aImost. uh--

-He aImost what?

Died.

My God! Died?

I don't want to be responsibIe

for his death.

You think there's any chance

that could happen?

Well. it is possibIe.

He is Living in the streets.

and there's so much danger...

down there. you never know

what could happen.

We'll keep you posted.

Mr. CrassWell.

Yes. thank you.

Die.

I never thought

he could actuaIIy die.

That would be so tragic.

There. This will heIp.

What is that?

It's some stuff Fumes drinks.

It'll kiII anything

except Fumes.

He's germ-proof.

Germs wouldn't Live in him.

I'm being invaded by one.

Dead germ.

Looks Like it's going to rain.

I don't Like the rain.

We can sIeep in this box.

Do you got a pIace to sIeep?

No. As a matter of fact.

we don't.

There's boxes over there.

Come on. Let's get 'em one.

Here's a good one.

Now. this is my side.

this is your side...

and this is a World War II

army-navy surplus store bayonet.

This will remind us

of our bollndaries. OK?

I assllre you I have no intention

of coming near you...

or tollching you or in any way

vioIating your person.

Oh. Please. I've heard

those same fancy words...

from other gllys

just before they jllmp you.

Good night.

Look. I don't mean to be harsh.

It's just that you're a man...

and men are no good.

-I can do it.

-Do what?

Oh. nothing. Nothing.

Good night. Good night.

It's raining.

I Iove the rain.

It washes all the fiIth

out of the city.

Speaking of fiIth...

where would Goddard Bolt go

on a night Like this?

Well. if it were very bad.

he'd go to the mission...

with the other dereIicts.

It's a shame--

it's a rotten shame--

that these people

have to Live Like this...

aIways on the edge

of llncertainty.

Any chance of getting

that mission cIosed tonight?

-Very good idea. sir.

-Thank you.

It's coming down harder.

What the heck's going on?

We're getting fIooded out.

Come on. Come on. Let's go.

Oh. man!

Look out. SaiIor.

Well. there goes

the neighborhood.

Oh. this is bad.

The rain aIways

kicks up my collgh.

We'd better get to the mission.

Look out.

Open the door.

Open up in there!

We're getting wet!

It's Iocked. It's Iocked!

It's Iocked.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes