Life with Mikey Page #2

ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE GONNA BE LAUGHING

YOURSELF RIGHT OUT OF A CLIENT,

MR. FUNNY MAN,

BECAUSE BRIAN SPIRO

FROM UNITED TALENT...

HAS BEEN TAKIN' ME OU TO A LOTTA LUNCHES RECENTLY.

GREAT! HE'LL BE OUTTA BUSINESS

SOON, THE WAY YOU EAT.

[Nervous Chuckling]

HE'S KIDDING, BARRY!

MICHAEL LIKES TO KID AROUND.

TELL HIM YOU WERE

KIDDING, MICHAEL.

ALL RIGHT, I...

[Clears Throat]

I WAS KIDDING, BARRY.

I WAS KIDDING.

COME ON.

YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU.

[Cracking]

VERY MUCH.

[Gulping]

MMM!

WHEN I PUT BARRY

IN THAT HEADLOCK,

I GOT VITALIS:

ALL OVER MY SHIRT.

LISTEN, MICHAEL, I'VE GO TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.

YES, ED?

[Sighs]

I'M THINKING OF,

EH, GETTING OUT.

GIVING UP THE BUSINESS.

YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS.

YES, I AM SERIOUS.

ONE DAY, I'M GONNA HAVE TO

SEND THE GIRLS TO COLLEGE,

MARILYN WANTS TO GO TO EUROPE.

WE'VE GOT THE MORTGAGE

ON THE HOUSE, I'M UP

TO MY EARS IN CREDIT...

ED, YOU'RE NOT GONNA LEAVE

ME. YA CAN'T LEAVE ME.

THIS IS THE ONLY THING

I KNOW HOW TO DO.

YOU GOTTA MAKE A

DECISION, MICHAEL.

YOU WANNA DO THIS

JOB OR YOU DON'T.

BECAUSE, I GOTTA TELL YA,

UNCLE LARRY ASKED ME

TO COME WORK WITH HIM.

UNCLE LARRY?

UNCLE LARRY?

ED, UNCLE LARRY SELLS

BATHROOM ACCESSORIES.

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANNA

DO WITH YOUR LIFE?

NO, MICHAEL, I DON'T WANNA

WORK WITH UNCLE LARRY,

BUT I CAN'T RUN THIS

AGENCY BY MYSELF.

EITHER YOU STAR BECOMING A REAL PARTNER...

OR IT'S OVER.

YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU'RE RIGHT, I'M SORRY.

I'M... I KNOW I'VE BEEN

NEGLIGENT.

I DO COME IN LATE,

AND I...

I MISSED A COUPLE OF DAYS

HERE AND THERE.

YOU MISSED OCTOBER.

SO I'LL SEE YA BRIGH AND EARLY MONDAY MORNING.

GOOD. BRIGHT AND EARLY.

I WILL BE THERE:

WHEN WE OPEN.

WHAT TIME DO WE OPEN?

[Girl Crying]

SOMEBODY TOOK THE FISH

OUT OF THE FISHBOWL...

AND PUT IT IN A BOWL

WITH NO WATER.

[Audience Laughing]

[Woman]

MIKEY!

[Man]

MIKEY.

DAD, SO NICE

TO HEAR FROM YOU.

GET DOWN HERE.

[Girl]

HOW COULD YOU DO THA TO LITTLE GOLDIE?

LISTEN, IF IT MAKES

YOU FEEL ANY BETTER,

I'M SURE LITTLE GOLDIE'S

IN FISH HEAVEN.

FISH HEAVEN RIGHT NOW.

OR IN A FISH STICK.

OR IN A FISH STICK.

[Chuckling]

HEY, DON'T MAKE JOKES

ABOUT CYNTHIA'S FISH.

NOW, YOU HAVE TO LEARN

WHEN TO BE A COMEDIAN

AND WHEN TO BE SERIOUS.

NO TV OR ICE CREAM

FOR THE NEXT WEEK.

ANY CHANCE OF GETTING TIME OFF

FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR?

[Audience Laughing]

[Chorus]

HE'S WACKY, HE'S WILD

HE'S EVERYONE'S

FAVORITE CHILD:

IT'S LIFE WITH MIKEY

LIFE WITH MIKEY:

HE'S COMING, LOOK OUT

THERE'S TROUBLE IN STORE

LINE UP FOR:

LITTLE MIKEY'S AUTOGRAPH.

EAT A LOTTA TURKEY TODAY,

WE GOT LITTLE MIKEY HERE.

[Man]

YO, LITTLE MIKEY!

YOUR SHOW SUCKS, MAN!

[Crowd Booing]

HEY, YOU WANNA COME OVER HERE

AND SAY THAT?

HE'S NOT COMIN'

OVER HERE, IS HE?

[Crowd Laughing]

I NOW DECLARE THIS TURKEY

SHACK... STUFFED.

[Cheering]

[Indistinct Talking]

[Girl]

OH! OH, EXCUSE ME.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

HERE YOU GO.

THANKS, MISTER.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

THANKS.

SAME TO YOU, KID.

GIMME A COUPLE:

OF THOSE BAD BOYS AND THESE.

SEVEN BUCKS.

THINK I LEFT MYWALLET... HEY!

HEY! HEY!

STOP! WAIT!

WHOA!

STOP RIGHT THERE!

HEY!

[Huffing]

AH, YOU'RE FAST.

THAT'S GREAT.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S A LOT OF MONEY

IN WOMEN'S TRACK AND FIELD.

MORE THAN THERE IS

IN MY WALLET.

SO WHY DON'T YOU JUS GIVE IT BACK TO ME?

WE'LL FORGET THE

WHOLE THING, HUH?

I DON'T HAVE YOUR WALLET.

YOU COME NEAR ME, AND

I'LL SCREAM FOR A COP!

WHAT A COINCIDENCE.

THAT'S WHAT I WAS GONNA DO.

LOOK, I'M GONNA WALK

TOWARDS YOU VERY SLOW.

JUST GIVE ME THE WALLET.

THAT'S A MAGNIFYING GLASS.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

WAIT 'TIL SUNRISE AND

BURN ME TO DEATH?

OKAY, NOW THAT'S SCARY.

JUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE,

AND NOBODY GETS HURT.

SO, WHAT GRADE ARE YA IN?

[Train Rumbling]

SIXTH!

AAAH!

YEE-OWW!

GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!

I DIDN'T TAKE ANYTHING!

[Woman]

I SAW YOU!

HOLD STILL!

[Woman]

WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE?

IF YOU DIDN'T STEAL ANYTHING,

WHAT IS THIS?

SOMEBODY GET A COP!

[Girl Crying]

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

IT'S JUST... IT'LL BE CHRISTMAS

SOON. AND NOW THAT MOM'S GONE,

IT'S JUST ME AND DAD

AND LITTLE JIMMY.

HOW SAD.

AND...

[Sobbing]

DON'T CRY, HONEY.

YOU SEE, LITTLE JIMMY WANTS

A BATMAN DOLL FOR CHRISTMAS

BECAUSE HE LOVES BATMAN.

EXCEPT HE DIDN'T LIKE THE SECOND

MOVIE AS MUCH AS THE FIRST,

BUT HE STILL WANTS ONE.

BUT MY DAD CAN'T AFFORD

TO BUY ANY PRESENTS...

BECAUSE HE'S BEEN OUT OF WORK

EVER SINCE THE ACCIDENT.

WHAT ACCIDENT?

A BUS HIT HIM ON

MADISON AVENUE.

OH.

HE'S WAS RIDING HIS BICYCLE

BECAUSE HE'S BEEN A MESSENGER

EVER SINCE THE STRIKE.

WHAT STRIKE?

THE AIR TRAFFIC:

CONTROLLER'S STRIKE.

HE'S BEEN SO DEPRESSED.

SOMETIMES HE JUST SITS HOME,

STARING OUT THE WINDOW

LANDING IMAGINARY PLANES.

SO I WANTED TO TRY AND

BUY JIMMY HIS BATMAN,

BUT I DIDN'T HAVE ANY MONEY

BECAUSE I'M A CHILD.

SO I TRIED TO STEAL IT,

WHICH IS WRONG:

AND BAD AND TERRIBLE.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME.

CAROL, THIS ISN'T MY WALLET.

THAT'S MINE.

THAT'S MY WALLET.

HE'S RIGHT, HIS PICTURE'S

ON THE DRIVER'S LICENSE.

SO SHE TRIED TO STEAL

YOUR WALLET TOO, RIGHT?

STEAL IT? THIS IS MY DAUGHTER.

YOUR DAUGHTER?

GIVE ME A BREAK.

HOW COULD SHE BE YOUR

DAUGHTER? YEAH!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,

HOW COULD SHE BE MY DAUGHTER?

YOU EVER HEARD OF ADOPTION?

WELL, I GOT NEWS FOR YOU,

MISTER. YOUR DAUGHTER JUS TRIED TO PICKPOCKET MY HUSBAND.

YOU TAKE THAT BACK. MY LITTLE

GIRL WOULD NEVER TAKE ANYTHING

THAT DOESN'T BELONG TO HER.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, HONEY?

I'M SORRY. I'M BAD. I KNOW

IT. DADDY, I NEED HELP.

I KNOW. WE'RE TRYIN' TO GET YA

HELP. NOW, I'M SURE IF YOU...

APOLOGIZE TO THIS NICE MAN

AND GIVE HIM BACK HIS WALLET,

HE WON'T CALL THE POLICE.

CAN'T I JUST APOLOGIZE?

GIVE HIM THE WALLET,

OKAY?

IT'S ALL RIGHT, FOLKS.

SHOW'S OVER.

WE'RE WORKIN' IT OUT.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!

GIVE HIM THE-ALL RIGHT.

OH... AH, THIS ISN' MINE, EITHER.

I'M SORRY.

LET ME HAVE THAT BACK.

WHAT COLOR WAS YOURS?

BROWN ALLIGATOR.

OH. OKAY, BROWN ALLIGATOR...

UH, IS THIS IT?

NO.

WAIT A MINUTE, ALLI... OH, BROWN

ALLIGATOR.

HEY, BINGO, A WINNER.

OKAY, LET'S GO, HONEY.

COMING, DADDY.

I CAN'T WAIT TO GE BACK TO CONNECTICUT.

YOU WERE INCREDIBLE.

I MEAN... THAT WAS

AN AMAZING PERFORMANCE.

YOU KNOW, PEOPLE HAVE WON

EMMY AWARDS FOR LESS THAN THAT.

I KNOW. I DID.

LOOK, AS SOON

AS WE TURN THE CORNER,

LET GO OF MY HAND.

LISTEN, MY NAME IS

MICHAEL CHAPMAN,

I'M A CHILDREN'S TALENT AGENT.

IF YOU CAN DO IN FRONT OF A

TELEVISION CAMERA WHAT YOU JUS DID, WE COULD BE VERY WEALTHY.

LET ME GIVE YOU:

MY CARD... HEY!

FOR A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR

HELPS THE MEDICINE GO

DOWN MEDICINE GO DOWN

MEDICINE GO DOWN JUS A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR

HELPS THE MEDICINE GO DOWN

IN THE MOST DELIGHTFUL WAY

OH, THANK YOU, ERICA.

I LOVE THAT SONG.

ME TOO.

WHAT WERE YOU PLAYIN'?

[Grunting]

OSCAR, WAKE UP.

UH, WHERE ARE WE?

WE'RE AT A AUDITION.

ALL RIGHT!

YOU'LL BE SWELL

YOU'LL BE GREAT

GONNA HAVE THE WHOLE

WORLD ON A PLATE

STARTING HERE:

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes