Life with Mikey Page #3

STARTING NOW:

HONEY, EVERYTHING'S

COMING UP ROSES:

YOU'RE THE BEST AGENTS!

[Snoring]

[Boy]

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, FELIX.

I'M CRACKING UP.

I TOLD YOU A HUNDRED TIMES,

I CAN'T STAND LITTLE NOTES

ON MY PILLOW.

WE'RE OUT OF CORN FLAKES,

F.U.

IT TOOK ME THREE HOURS

TO FIGURE OU THAT F.U. WAS FELIX UNGER.

["You're A Grand Old Flag"]

MR. CHAPMAN, THERE'S

A GIRL ON THE PHONE.

SHE SAYS SHE HAS YOUR WALLET.

YES! YES.

HI.

COUNT IT.

IT'S ALL RIGHT,

I TRUST YA.

[Man]

CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER?

YEAH, I'LL HAVE A CHEESEBURGER,

LARGE FRIES AND A VANILLA SHAKE.

COFFEE.

COFFEE?

YEAH, COFFEE.

IT COMES FROM BEANS.

EVER HEARD OF IT?

YOU, UH, YOU WAN A CHEESEBURGER?

I GOT MY WALLET BACK.

I DON'T EAT BURGERS.

I'M A VEGETARIAN.

AH, THAT'S FASCINATING.

HOW COME?

LOOK, I'M NOT HERE TO

TALK ABOUT FOOD.

I WANNA KNOW HOW MUCH YOU'RE

TALKIN' ABOUT FOR THIS TV THING.

WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE,

WAIT A MINUTE.

I GOT A COUPLE QUESTIONS FOR YOU

BEFORE WE GET INTO

THE FINANCIAL END OF THINGS.

YEAH, WELL, I GOT SOME

QUESTIONS FOR YOU.

HOW COME YOU GET TO GO FIRST?

'CAUSE IF YOU DON'T ANSWER

MY QUESTIONS, I DON'T KNOW IF

I CAN TAKE YOU TO THE AUDITION.

AND IF YOU DON'T ANSWER

MY QUESTIONS, I DON'T KNOW

IF I CAN GO TO AN AUDITION.

AND IF YOU KEEP BLOWIN'

THAT SMOKE IN MY FACE,

WE'RE THROUGH TALKIN' NOW.

SORRY. WHAT'S YOUR

NAME, ANYWAY?

ANGIE VEGA. AND THIS IS

THE NON-SMOKING SECTION.

YOU WANNA PUT THAT OU BEFORE I GET SICK?

MMPH.

HOW MUCH MONEY:

WE TALKIN' ABOUT?

WELL, FOR FOUR NATIONAL SPOTS,

DEPENDING ON HOW OFTEN

IT AIRS, IT COULD BE...

I DON'T KNOW...

SOMEWHERE:

IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

OF $250,000.

$250,000?

YOU SERIOUS?

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

TEN.

DID YOU SAY $250,000?

COULD BE.

HOW COME YOU'RE NOT IN SCHOOL?

UH, TODAY'S A SCHOOL DAY?

DO YOUR PARENTS:

KNOW YOU'RE HERE?

NO, MY PARENTS ARE DEAD.

WHAT COMMERCIAL'S

GONNA WANT ME?

IT'S FOR SUNBURST COOKIES.

[Clears Throat]

WHO DO YOU LIVE WITH?

I LIVE WITH MY SISTER,

JANIS, AND HER BOYFRIEND.

WHAT DO THEY THINK ABOU YOU NOT BEIN' IN SCHOOL?

THEY DON'T THINK MUCH

OF ANYTHING. SHE'S A SCORPIO

AND HE'S AN IDIOT.

WHAT DO YOU GET OUTTA THIS?

STANDARD AGENCY COMMISSION.

WHAT'S THAT?

TEN PERCENT ON:

WHATEVER YOU MAKE.

WHAT SHOULD I PAY YOU 10% FOR?

WELL, YOU NEED MY EXPERTISE

AND COACHING.

YOU NEED MY GUIDANCE

ON WHAT TO WEAR.

YOU NEED ME TO TELL YOU

WHERE THE AUDITION IS.

FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T NEED YOU

TO TELL ME WHAT TO WEAR.

AND I'LL GIVE YOU FIVE PERCENT.

THANKS VERY MUCH,

BUT IT'S TEN PERCENT.

SIX PERCENT.

TEN PERCENT.

END OF CONVERSATION.

SEVEN PERCENT.

TEN PERCENT.

IT'S THE LAW, ALL RIGHT?

IT'S IN EVERY STANDARD

AGENCY AGREEMENT.

THIS IS NOT NEGOTIABLE.

SEVEN AND A HALF.

TEN PERCENT, AND THAT'S IT!

HERE YOU GO.

[Together]

SEPARATE CHECKS.

[Ed]

DEAR MR. OKUN,

IN REFERENCE TO THE RESIDUALS

FOR THE KRAMER TOYS AD...

MR. CHAPMAN,

YOU'RE GOING TOO FAST.

OKAY.

[Michael]

HELLO, ANYBODY HOME?

GUYS... AH, NICE OF

YOU TO STOP BACK IN.

DON'T WORRY,

WE CLOSE IN A FEW HOURS.

WHO'S THIS?

ED, GEENA, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEE ANGIE VEGA, OUR NEWEST CLIENT.

WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO THE SUNBURS COOKIE AUDITION. SO, GEENA, WE

GOTTA MAKE UP A RESUM FOR HER.

AND CAN YOU DO:

SOMETHING WITH HER HAIR?

EXCUSE US A MOMENT, MISS VEGA.

HEY, ED... ALL RIGHT,

WHERE DID YOU FIND HER?

I MET HER IN A RESTAURANT.

ED, THIS KID IS UNBELIEVABLE.

SHE'S DYIN' TO ACT,

AND MY GUT INSTINCTS TELL ME

SHE'S GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

WHY ISN'T SHE IN SCHOOL?

I'M OFF FOR CHRISTMAS.

WELL, CHRISTMAS

IS THREE WEEKS AWAY, HONEY.

I'M VERY RELIGIOUS.

YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

UH-UH.

[Angie]

SUNBOIST COOKIES

LIGHT UP MY DAY.

SUNBOIST?

SUNBOIST?

YOU WANNA DE-NEW YORK

YOUR ACCENT A LITTLE BIT?

YOU GOT A SLIGHT YOGI

BERRA THING HAPPENIN'.

LOOK, MAN, I'M FROM

BROOKLYN. YOU'RE LUCKY

[Michael]

ALL RIGHT,

LET'S GO UP HERE.

[Woman]

I'M SORRY, BUT IF YOU'RE NO ON THE LIST, THERE'S

NOTHING I CAN DO.

I KNOW, BUT IF I

COULD JUST SEE:

THE CASTING DIRECTOR...

I CAN'T BELIEVE

YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE

AN APPOINTMENT!

COULD YOU JUST SIT DOWN AND

FILL THIS OUT, ALL RIGHT?

EVERYTHING'S

UNDER CONTROL. GO.

HELLO,

I'M COURTNEY ASPINALL.

HI. THIS IS MY MOTHER,

ELLEN ASPINALL,

AND MY AGENT, BRIAN SPIRO,

FROM UNITED TALENT.

WHAT AGENCY ARE YOU WITH?

UH, CHAPMAN AND CHAPMAN.

[Chuckling]

THEY FIND YOU AT ONE OF

THOSE OPEN AUDITIONS?

NO.

WHERE DID THEY FIND YOU?

EIGHTH AND 47th, OKAY?

EH, COURTNEY,

SWEETHEART,

PRACTICE YOUR LINES.

I HATE I WHEN IT'S RAINING.

WE DON'T GET TO GO OUTSIDE

FOR RECESS OR RIDE OUR BIKES

AFTER SCHOOL.

[Laughing]

THAT'S FUNNY, BUT YOU'RE NO GONNA DO IT LIKE THAT, ARE YA?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THEY'RE JUST COOKIES.

DON'T MAKE IT SOUND LIKE

A COMMERCIAL FOR HEMORRHOIDS.

YOU ARE A VERY RUDE

YOUNG LADY.

[Sobbing]

I WAS JUST TRYING

TO BE HELPFUL.

COURTNEY ASPINALL,

WE'RE READY FOR YOU NOW.

[Whimpering]

I SEE.

ALLISON,

SWEETHEART, UH...

CAN WE HAVE A FEW MINUTES?

COURTNEY SEEMS TO HAVE

SOMETHING IN HER EYE.

ALL RIGHT.

UH, THEN I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE

MYSELF. I'M MICHAEL CHAPMAN...

FROM THE CHAPMAN AND CHAPMAN

AGENCY, ALTHOUGH YOU MAY

REMEMBER ME AS...

LITTLE MIKEY.

YOU'RE LITTLE MIKEY!

YOU REMEMBER.

OH, REMEMBER?

I GREW UP ON THAT SHOW!

THAT'S FUNNY, SO DID I.

I DIDN'T SEE YOU.

[Both Laughing]

I USED TO WATCH YOU

ALL THE TIME.

YOU WERE SO CUTE!

I'M STILL SO CUTE!

[Allison Laughing]

ANYWAY, I'M NOW REPRESENTING

THIS YOUNG LADY OVER HERE...

AND IT WOULD BE SUCH A... WELL,

GOSH, A BIG BREAK FOR US...

IF YOU'D JUST LET HER

READ TODAY, ALLISON.

UH, LISTEN,

I DON'T KNOW.

THESE ARE THE CALLBACKS.

I HAVE THE HEAD OF THE COMPANY

IN THERE.

HE'S A TOTALLY

HANDS-ON TYPE.

MM, EH, HAS SHE

DONE ANYTHING BEFORE?

HERE'S HER RESUM.

[Girl]

MOM, I'M DONE!

[Woman]

HOW'D YOU DO, HONEY?

THIS ISN'T VERY MUCH.

YA KNOW, I HADN'T DONE A THING

WHEN I WALKED INTO THOSE

LIFE WITH MIKEY AUDITIONS.

AND, UH, WELL,

HEY, WE ALL KNOW

HOW THAT TURNED OUT.

AHHH, OKAY.

OKAY, GREAT.

ANGIE VEGA,

THIS IS MR. CORCORAN,

THE PRESIDENT AND FOUNDER

OF SUNBURST COOKIES.

IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU,

ANGIE. YOU LOOK VERY PRETTY.

OH, YOU MUSTN'T BE FRIGHTENED.

I'M JUST A LITTLE BI OF A SPORTSMAN.

YOU'RE NOT A SPORTSMAN.

YOU'RE A MURDERER!

WELL, SHALL WE GET STARTED?

ANGIE, I'LL READ WITH YOU.

NO, NO, I, UH,

I'M NOT A MURDERER.

EVERY ONE OF THESE ANIMALS

WAS HUNTED LEGALLY

AND IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE LAW.

OH, I'M SURE THAT'S A

BIG RELIEF TO THE BEAR.

ALL HER BABY CUBS ARE PROBABLY

JUST SITTING IN THEIR DEN,

SAYING, "MOM'S STUFFED ON

A STAND IN MANHATTAN.

BUT THAT'S THE LAW.

LET'S JUST HIBERNATE

AND FORGET ABOUT IT."

[Laughing]

FINALLY!

YOU FOUND A LITTLE GIRL

WITH SOME SPIRIT!

SO, MICHAEL,

WHO'S THE NEW GIRL?

WHY, YOU WANNA STEAL HER TOO?

I'LL JUST LEAVE NOW.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU'VE REACHED

A NEW LEVEL OF MATURITY.

OH, BITE ME.

MY POINT EXACTLY.

YA KNOW WHAT?

CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING?

YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS 'CAUSE

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