Lightbulb Page #2

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Come on, it

makes sense, right?

He's lighter, he's

happy, he's relaxed.

It's horrible!

Think about it.

Let's do this, all right?

Come on, he's a jockey.

Why would he lie?

Now, calm down,

let's take it slow.

We just got here, Okay?

Okay, so

how much you got?

I got two $20.

Can I have a 10 dollar

two-four on...,

and a 10 dollar 2-8 on...?

F***! Great!

$400 on 2, Can-Do, to win.

Thank you.

I said tickets.

Put away your money.

Here comes the bunny!

And two, let's go, baby!

And they're off!

...jump in the lead, followed by

Late-For-Dinner and Can-Do!

They're going

into the first turn!

Down in the back stretch.

Flea's-Ferrari chases down

the number 2 Can-Do.

Can Do gets passed.

As they head for the wire,

It's Flea's-Ferrari pulling

away now by a length!

Flea's-Ferrari takes it!

$400 on the dog sh*t theory.

You should be proud.

F***ing Can-Do bullshit.

I can't blame Sam.

He was just trying to raise

money for our business.

Sam did construction for a

while before we teamed up.

Me, I've never had a job.

I've always worked for myself.

It can be tough, long hours,

no guaranteed paycheck.

But you have a chance to win.

Bye, girl.

Bye, sweetie.

Bye, see ya'-

So I go out there and the gate

agent ask me for volunteers,

you know, to give

up their seats.

Sounded like a game show host.

"A voucher for a

room at the Marriott,

and we'll get you out

on the 7 A.M. non-stop.

Anybody?"

So these two guys sitting

there yell, "Throw her in",

'pointing at me,

"We'll do it."

Ahh, smart guys.

So what's new here?

Nothing, really.

Just the same old, same old,

looking after cash flow,

you know.

You guys haven't

been by the casino,

trying to help it, have you?

No.

I, ur,... I told you

I wouldn't, didn't I?

Just asking,

Matt, just asking.

Well, I am

just telling you.

Good.

Oh, I can't wait to get

out of this uniform

and take a shower

And I can't

wait for that either.

Oh, guess what

the big rumor is at work.

Southwest buying

you out, that one?

They're going to be

offering an early retirement.

Retirement?

For you?

You're too young and

sexy to be retired.

With a cash incentive,

twenty-some thousand.

Twenty thousand?

Of course, I can't even

think about it until your

business does something,

we pay down our cards.

I don't think you'll

be waiting too much longer.

It's like Thomas Edison

said, "To have a great idea,

you've got to have

a lot of them."

Yeah, but while we're

waiting on that light bulb,

we're getting in

deeper and deeper.

Come on.

Every bad idea I have just

gets us closer, and closer,

and closer to a really,

really, really good idea.

Oh, I've got a

really good idea.

I've been

up since six, baby.

I've been up about

a minute and a half.

So I said,

"Care for a calzone, sir?"

And he, real

uppity-like goes, "Miss,

you don't know what

you're serving.

I'm Italian.

It's pronounced calzon-e.

You emphasize the 'e'.

If you're going to serve it,

learn how to pronounce it."

I just moved the

cart on up the aisle.

Yeah, sister...

Exactly.

Then my friend Rita, who's on

the other side of the cart,

leans back and says,

"Hey, Gina,

would that be

a**hole or asshol-e?"

You're not real into it.

Another round?

I'd be really good

after a few of these.

So, I think it's great you

guys have been friends

since high school.

I don't even

know that guy.

I could tell

you some stories.

Please don't say

anything, come on, man.

Gina, you know, she still

thinks I'm a nice guy.

No, I don't

I knew you were an a**hole

the minute I met you.

I don't have

to pretend anything.

No, you don't, baby.

No pretending.

I'm really glad

we're all together.

So anyways, thank

you, d*ckhead.

Sure, buddy.

G, you know that Cinda's

going to be coming with us

to the expo, you know that?

Oh, really?

Fill out orders,

you know the ropes.

That's right.

I don't know the first

thing about the watches.

Babe, you don't have to.

All you got to do is be

a goddess like you are,

a big smile.

You know what I mean?

And say, "It's animated!"

It's animated!

Not like that

like we practiced.

Like you did it.

Hey, excuse me.

You want to win a

million dollars

with the touch of a button?

I do..

Push the button.

It's animated!

Like that!

I'll buy one, right?

Come on!

Seriously!

I'll buy three.

I keep telling Gina

when the money rolls in,

she's gonna' wonder where

it's been all this time.

When can I

start wondering?

Next week, sister, when

we start selling

a trillion watches.

Really?

That's right.

Quit your goddamn job!

Yeah, I'm

gonna' quit, okay?

Sam says I can.

Can do, sister!

YOU can do it.

Can Do.

Can Do, the dog.

What dog?

Dog?

We were selling

the dog watches.

Am I missing something?

Have you heard

Sam's dog sh*t theory?

Look, what kind...

We're eating, no one

wants to hear about it.

No, no,

it's hilarious.

They were at the dog

track last week...

Hey,

You were

at the dog track?

Did you go?

No, I went.

You didn't go.

I went with Bartender Carl,

and dominated, by the way.

Salsa?

It's delicious.

G?

That's great.

I'm really

sorry, honey.

No, it's my fault.

Gina.

How stupid can I be?

I'm picking up extra trips to

pay down our credit cards,

and you're here gambling.

I know, I know.

It isn't fair.

Listen, we were just trying

to get more money

so we could fund...

If I hear that

excuse one more time,

I'm gonna' scream.

I'm gonna'

quit for good.

You said

that two weeks ago,

and a couple of months before

that, and a year before that.

It's getting to be a joke.

Gina, listen.

The way we figure it, sixty

million people

play the lottery.

If I can sell one

percent, I mean,

that is one out of a hundred,

that's sixty thousand watches!

That's you taking

early retirement.

That's a down

payment on our house.

That's...

I hope it's a

huge hit, I really do.

But if you ever

gamble again...

Don't blame Cinda, man.

Blame me.

I do blame you.

I swore I told

her not to say anything.

Yeah, just don't

worry about it, man.

So was it a long ride

to the airport this morning?

Yeah, the old

silent treatment

I used to look forward

to those with Rhonda,

actually instigate them.

You think I talk a lot, man?

Jesus..

Gina giving you a hard time

about having to fly so much?

I wouldn't

blame her if she did.

Withholding sex yet?

No.

It's the only entertainment

we can afford.

But you know what? That's

a good thing, buddy,

because that's the

last thing to go.

Oh Rhonda, towards the end

of that train wreck of a

marriage, she'd

tell me, "Sam, no!

I'm mid-month.

I'm bloated.

I don't want you

to look at me."

I don't want to look at you!

I want to f*** you!

What a psycho, man.

Right?

Rhonda.

Liar's Poker for the tab.

Oh, well, can't very

well turn down free beer,

can I?

Hey, f*** you, man.

Loser's first.

Okay, I'll go anyway.

Yeah.

Three fours, my friend.

Yeah?

That's not going to do it.

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