Like Father Like Son Page #2

- Attaboy, Hammond.

Start at the gizzard...

...slice the sucker open...

...and scoop out the intestines.

Piece of cake.

Kill, kill, kill, kill.

Kill, kill, kill, kill.

Sorry.

- Blood pressure is too low.

- You want him on dopamine?

- l want his pressure up.

- Aye, aye, captain.

Let's get him stable.

l want him off bypass.

You're in a good mood.

l had to tutor Chris

for his biology midterm...

...and spent the night getting

the equipment forecasts...

...for this bloody hospital, no pun

intended. Let's come off bypass.

We're off, Dr. Hammond.

When you're chief of staff,

do l call you ''chief''?

- ''O, Exalted One'' will do.

- We're losing one hell of a surgeon.

- You're right.

- Let's go out for drinks tonight.

You never socialize anymore.

You haven't been out

since Jan passed away.

No, l don't think so.

Close for me, please.

50.5. Way to gut it out, Hammond.

You're pacing yourself.

- l like the kick you're using.

- lt's the Hammond kick!

Hammond kick, huh?

Well, it's official.

Hammond, you're on anchor

at district tomorrow.

- Anderson, you lead off.

- Come on, it was a fluke!

- You can't make Hammond anchor.

- l just did.

- Hit the showers!

- l'm warning you, Hammond.

You're getting in my face too often.

You better watch your step,

d*ckhead!

We're on the same team.

What do you say we call a truce?

Yeah, okay, for the good

of the school, a**hole!

- Hey, Rick.

- What?

- Nice race.

- Rick, whatever you want.

Come on, Rick, leave him alone.

He's a good kid.

Yeah, well, you better watch

your step, d*ckhead.

That guy is huge. What is it,

a glandular disorder or what?

l don't know, but sooner or later,

he is going to freak.

And l wouldn't wanna be here

when he does.

l think there should be a size

requirement for high school.

Oh, God!

- How bad?

- The worst. Look, a C.

- A C?

- A C. l am dead meat.

l am sitting on a hook,

rotting in the sun.

Flies are, like, gathering around me.

l am dead meat.

For what? For a C? My dad would give

me his porno collection if l got a C.

A C? l cannot believe a C.

Thanks for the ride.

Good luck at home.

Hey, man, there is no good luck

at home. Only death by lasers...

...emitted from my father's eyes.

You'll get into a med program

somewhere.

- Hey, man, what's that?

- That's my Uncle Earl.

He's been staying with us for a couple

of days, stinking up the house.

He's leaving today.

Probably on his way to Venus.

Hey, Earl, how you doing?

- Pretty creepy-looking to me, Trigger.

- Yeah, he's an archaeologist.

Creepy is his life's work.

Hey, listen, l gotta get home

so my father can end my life.

Let's see if l can get him talking

about his brain-transference serum.

lt could make med school obsolete.

Brain-transference serum?

He was talking about it last night.

lt's up in those boxes.

Oh, yeah, yeah. The one marked

''brain-transference serum.''

You gotta keep an open mind about it.

You should see the scar on his leg.

Hey, Earl, can you tell my friend...

...about how lndians operated on

your leg and you didn't feel anything?

- No.

- Great talking to you, Earl.

- l'll get him to talk. Wait.

- Forget it. l'll see you tomorrow.

lf brain transference has to do with

having your head handed to you...

...you and Uncle Earl can come

to my house and watch.

- See you tomorrow.

- Later.

MTV.

- It's an attitude.

- MTV.

- Hi, man. l thought you were my dad.

- Nope, taller.

- Tabasco sauce?

- Brain-transference serum.

Oh, sh*t.

- Trigger, what are you doing?

- l went to a lot of trouble siphoning...

...this stuff off from my uncle without

him seeing it. We can at least try it.

Yeah, right.

l'm gonna try this stuff. Come on.

No, you're not gonna try anything.

Hello, Seymour.

l have a little present for you.

Come on. Give it to me.

Give it to me.

That looks like cooking oil.

Yeah, well, let's see what it can do.

Come on, open up.

Be careful, be careful.

Come on, this is stupid.

Trigger, how did that happen?

Did you ever see

The Emerald Forest...

...where the guy, he swallows some

stuff and turns into a panther?

- No.

- Same principle.

Did either of you

notice anything unusual...

...about Seymour and Sparky today?

- No.

- No.

- Oh, God, it's my dad.

- l'm out of here.

Terrific.

Come on, just stay for dinner

and lessen the blow. Help me out.

Will you relax?

l don't see what the big deal is.

- You blew an assignment.

- lt's a big deal. You know my dad.

You don't want to be in med school

anyway. lf l was you...

...l'd say, ''Get off my back, Jack,

or there's gonna be hell to pay.''

Dr. Hammond,

what a delightful surprise.

- lsn't it?

- Trigger, stay for dinner.

Well, how'd you do, Chris?

Doc, that's a great jacket.

lt really brings out the color-

The color in my eyes.

Yeah, right. Chris?

The grades aren't posted till Monday.

l don't know.

Monday?

Oh, l was hoping you'd hear

before the weekend.

Yeah, l know, but-

Oh, Dad, l'm running anchor...

...in the mile relay at the district

championships tomorrow.

Good. Be sure to mention that to the

guys from Northwestern on Friday.

Dr. Hammond, l'm leaving in a minute.

The spaghetti's nearly ready.

Bread is in the oven...

...and the salad's in the fridge.

- See you later, Phyllis.

- What?

- Right.

- Dad, l need to talk to you about...

- ...the interview with Northwestern.

- How about the interview with Lori?

- Didn't you reconfirm it?

- Yeah.

Damn right. Let's face it,

you lucked out.

She's major-league action.

l didn't think you had a prayer.

- You said l was the ultra-dude.

- l didn't mean it.

She's used to guys that are

a cross between Don Johnson...

- ...and Sylvester Stallone.

- What does that make me?

You're more of a cross between

Sylvester Stallone and Don Knotts.

Oh, yeah? Well, you're

like a cross between Don Knotts...

...and Sylvester the Cat with

a lint ball mixed in for lQ purposes.

After what you got on

that biology presentation...

...l don't think you qualify

to be making lQ judgments.

l mentioned that jacket already,

haven't l?

Herringbone or something?

What the hell did you get?

Oh, you mean the actual grades.

Those are gonna be posted

on Monday.

But Trigger's talking about the...

Temporary.

They can change anytime.

l got a temporary grade.

Those are gonna change

without notice. So for the time being...

...it may appear

that l may have gotten a-

- A C.

- A C. When actually-

A C? You got a C?

Thanks for the chow, Chris,

and glad l could be of help.

Doc, again, great wardrobe.

Thousands of herrings must

have died for that jacket.

- A C?

- Yeah, l'm sorry. l tried my best.

But l'm just not good in biology.

Chris?

Dad?

l don't f***ing believe it.

Chris?

Dad?

Oh, sh*t.

Are you in there?

Yeah, Dad. l'm old.

l don't believe it.

All right, just stay calm.

There's bound to be a very rational

scientific explanation for all of this.

There is. You put Tabasco sauce

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